Sensing Subtle Energies

Tried an exercise last night, percieving and sensing subtle energies. At the first instance, less than a minute of moving my hands I felt the energy in between which was very subtle. Continuing with the practice the energy became more dense.

I would recite the statements then close my eyes and wait for the energy to increase. There was a gentle magnetic force pulling both hands in together. I would then stretch my hands out a little and then back in and there was that resistance mentioned in the article. I made a final statement to draw the energy within me, amazingly I felt it move into my chest where there was a slight constricted feeling that smoothed out, then tingles spread throughout my body.

A few years ago when I began exploring astral projection I had tried out a few energy percieving exercises (most on how to percieve aura and trying to create psi balls). One sunny day trying to percieve energy between my index fingers a few centimeters apart I was able to feel the same pressure. The energy oozed up so much I saw a misty smoke flowing outwards. I was definitely left astounded but at that time I didn't feel the pull to continue the practice. However, now I feel drawn to exploring these areas.

Chewing Incidents

Last night while browsing on the net finding information in which I could put together all the recent experiences into something that fits I happened upon an ebook that really got my thinking process slowing down and instead a switch in my head began to click. It's called Self Healing Handbook by Clive Shane Hetherington. I was reading but absorbing information on a deeper level, so far all that I read deeply resonated with me so much that I repeated an invocation statement (can't recall which one).

Once I got to bed I didn't think much about what to expect. Around 3am I was awakened by my teeth chattering which was slowing down the more aware I became. There was another presence but it did not seem to be outside, external to me instead it seemed more from within. I let the chewing play out for a bit. There was a message in non-verbal communication however retaining the memory of it in that condition seems somewhat difficult. When the chewing ended I vaguely recalled the message but thought I'll remember it later (next time I'll be sure to make quick notes).

45 mins later fell asleep only to dream about chewing and biting. In one dream there is a man based in some control room - he has monitors that reveal footage from CCTV cameras. On one monitor there were two women, twins with fiery red cropped hair in white garments. They kept chewing something and somehow their bodies entangled. On another monitor there's a woman wearing white, she is convulsing and chewing. I'm creeped out by this and wonder if the man even notices that these psychotic people are coming after him.

In another dream I'm at the Dental Surgery to book an appointment, I fear that I've damaged my teeth from the incessant uncontrollable chewing. I'm being refused to be seen by any dentist because everyone's on lunch break. For some reason this agitates me.

In another dream, perhaps most intense because it appeared to be actually taking place, I was in bed with the uncontrollable chewing. My jaw slipped left and right, I was grinding my teeth with sudden biting. I stick my tongue out only to bite it so I pull it back in. I have no control over this so I seize any further attempts to do anything about this. The grinding is shifting my teeth apart causing excruciating physical and emotional pain.

Not sure if these experiences were due to the invocation statement or perhaps it had simply amplified a deeper healing process that has already been set in motion. I will continue to use these statements and will report back anything relevant.

Alternate Reality False Awakenings

I've experienced an increasing amount FAs in the past few days always in the mornings some half an hour before I wake up. In each FA my house is always different, but I don't notice it at the time. At the same time there are things in these FAs, small incidents that are connected to this current reality. It seems these incidents are highly probable in this current reality.

They are confusing, perhaps because the FAs come in such an abundance I find it difficult to wrap my mind around it. Dreams are also continuously shifting giving a more theatrical feel to them, very much like stories and plots from movies only now there's more scenes. Unfortunately unable to write about these since they are too long.

Brief Update

Last night felt pressure streaming down left part of face and the usual bodily energetic sensations. . Saturday night as I turned in for sleep my face started to squint, a spontaneous smile formed with a nice warm feeling inside - it felt really good.

There's also the occasional jaw slip and involuntary biting and chewing, it's not so alarming and I've noticed as soon as I become conscious of the movements they begin to slow down.

I've been hearing crickets chirping at night, they're very loud. I seem to be the only one hearing them.

Chip Implant Convulsions - Possible Soul Retrievals

Last night while in bed I wasn't quite ready for sleep so I thought I'd just try to be attentive to my thoughts and basically wherever my attention went I'll follow it. I should note here that I also made a request for spirit guides. I'd think random stuff and it wasn't long until I began hearing voices. Very audible and clear, there were too many voices to remember any of the sentences - mostly just rambling stuff. I fell asleep but awakened several times. I kept having these weird dreams and FAs.

In one dream I am watching something on a monitor - it's a clip of a teenage boy and he's demonstrating a type of convulsion he gets due to kundalini. Then another clip, same boy sets up his camera in front of his bed, lays down and few minutes later he is convulsing. This seizure was more dramatic, his head and arms thrashing violently. I could hear two women making a comment 'This is wrong, he's too young he shouldn't be medling in this stuff.' Her ignorance annoyed me as I knew that some people don't medle in this stuff - it just happens. I woke up about 2am and attempted to sleep around 5am.

I was lying down on my belly when suddenly there was a movement in my rectum, it was pumping upwards with severe force. This has happened before but I would use all my might to stop the sensation. This time I knew I couldn't - the force was greater than my will. I phased in and out, aware of the sensation and then in some alternate reality type of false awakening. This continued for what seemed like eternity. At some stage the bed was shaking, I've never experienced an earthquake but I'd imagine this is what it would be like.

There was a male voice saying 'We're going to make some changes now.' I percieved this voice to be coming from the right, externally and not in my head. After that I began to hear other voices, a group of people speaking amongst themselves. I had the sense that I was no longer in my room. The voices increased in quantity as well as loundness and I felt as though I was surrounded by a very large crowd. There's the sound of a drill and an impact on the back of my head. The sensation at first was tolerable even though it felt more like a mini chainsaw instead of a drill.

A voice in my left ear alarmed me. It spoke a language that was so foreign I believe it was an alien. Even it's voice had an alien quality. At this point the sensation got stronger, I began convulsing. My head shot upwards, my arms would move in a violent manner much like what I witnessed in the dream state. To the onlooker I would appear to be having an extremely dangerous seizure. My awareness remained throughout, since I couldn't force myself out of this one I observed as much as I could.

The sensation eventually got to the point where it felt like either the back of my head was being implanted with a chip or it was being removed, at least it was a piece of some kind of solid material. At the same time that this incident was nearing its end the voices sounded like they were being sucked away or soothed to silence and the idea of 'Soul Retrieval' came to mind. I woke up with a fizzing in the back of my head.

Musical Notes Behind Ordinary Sounds

For a while now I've been hearing unusual sounds, at first it sounded very distant - it would always occur just before an aeroplane passes by. It sounds like a musical note from a flute, a soft subtle sound. I didn't make much of it, just rationalizing, but now the sounds are becoming more alive. It's almost as if behind every ordinary sound there is a celestial musical note. It's beautiful.

When I relax and my attention is completely on my hearing, particularly in my right ear I can feel a fluttering sensation.

Past Life and the Future

The Past Life
Last night in a relaxed state I felt like I was going to sleep like a baby, unfortunately that was not to be the case. In that relaxed state I began seeing partial images and just drifted off thinking very little of them. Then in my minds eye there was a sudden flash of an image where the characters came to life. There were two men, I can't quite remember how they were dressed. One man had a sword in his right hand and thrust it into the upper abdomen of this other man who seemed to be completely off guard.

At the instant that the sword had pierced through my right hand flinched and rested on the invisible wound. More disturbing than this re-enactment was the sound of the dying man which was ringing in my ears. Immediately I registered it as a past life incident and not something drawn from imagination. I'm not too sure about the nature of past lives but for the time being I feel this particular experience fits into that box.

After this I managed to get in a deep sleep but awakened at 2am, this time sleep was impossible - my mind was on auto, it was doing all the thinking for me. Questions were raised and I had to get to the bottom of these, things that relate to me personally. I had to, not resolve these questions because they did not represent problems, instead there was a deeper urge to understand some of my opinions, beliefs and convictions I have about certain things. Interestingly this was accompanied by energetic sensations.

The Future
I could not sleep until about 5am, and the external noise of birds were not helping much. I focused exclusively on my breathing and as I relaxed a little, tingling electrical currents surged up my legs. A few minutes later I heard my mum sobbing and mumbling something in the distance, she sounded traumatized as if something catastrophic had taken place. Then I wondered how on earth she got to London that fast since she was thousands of miles away in another country and I had just spoken to her on the phone that evening. Despite my rational mind and it's logical function I tried to get up to see what was going on, but some force weighed me down. The electrical fizzing in my legs restarted and I found myself raising up - I made an astral exit. I looked around my room, it was the same room but the furniture were completely different, the only thing I recognized was the carpet.

Mentally I rummaged through the room, scanning to find some of my stuff but nothing looked familiar to me. I got this impression, a gut feeling that I was in the future. It was more of an absolute knowing, as I floated about the house I briefly saw the new tenants which only confirmed this knowing. In particular there was a woman carrying a baby around. I wondered what year it was but the capacity for my mind to try and understand had become so fragmented. I ended up having some weird FAs and finally woke up.

Inner View of the Sun

Last night, before sleeping practiced diaphragmatic breathing for a few minutes. When I stopped controlling the breath I got ready for some sleep. Eyes closed, replacing the darkness behind the lids I could see an orange glow covering the entire field of vision. At first it was a deep orange and suddenly it got lighter and brighter. It looked like how the back of the eyelids would appear orange in front of the sun only the brightness of the sun is endlessly increasing to such an intensity it would cause blindness.

It happened in an instant - it was fear that snapped my eyes open. I seriously began wondering whether I can go through with any of this because of this level of fear that comes with every new special effect. Or maybe that's the point - to face these fears.

Meditation

I have been able to meditate on a few occasions in the past few days. Each time there were energetic sensations. I would get deeper and suddenly my arms would make explosive movements, there was one time I was able to move somewhat beyond this.

In one session prior to falling asleep, with my mind very still there was an awareness of a pressure in the left side of skull. The pressure eventually filled up the entire space in my head, it felt like my brain was being pumped and my skull was ready to crack open. My head felt like a helium balloon ready to float away as soon as my body would let go. I felt if my entire body was pumped with this I would begin to levitate.

I have also been practicing the alternate nostril breathing method - just the one time so far. I did one round and the energy surged through the left big toe, up my left leg, reached the left buttock where I felt a tremor that lasted a good few minutes.

Dietary Changes

For the past two weeks I've been sleeping without any interruptions. However, during the waking hours I'm feeling the movement of this energy even more and now it has gotten to the point where it doesn't really startle me. I'm getting so used to it that it feels normal. There were two occasions that did startle me. On one occasion I bent down to pick up a piece of paper and as I did had vomit travel up my gut and stuck in my throat. On another occasion while snacking on some sour cream pringles my tongue spontaneously made a quick movement - I ended up taking a bite out of my tongue. Body trying to tell me something?

This tongue event is quite interesting as some days later I felt inspired to look into changing my diet and I'm currently researching more about the raw food diet. This need to change diet came from the urge to be simple as opposed to just for health benefits, but it seems the effect of simplicity is good health. And it's not just that, I've been reading up some detailed information on Kundalini which have been a good influence. I've listed some websites on the right side of this blog.

Energy Currents During Meditation

It has become a bit difficult to meditate, it's not that I can't remain still or relax, I just can't bring myself to schedule a session like I used to. I don't have that same motivation I once had. Now I meditate when it feels right and I can do it naturally.

Last week I managed to meditate once. As I let my attention to thoughts and sounds play out, in a seemingly ordinary state there was some sudden heart palpitations, fingers and hands twitching, some movements in my thighs and then energy shooting up my legs. I felt like my entire body was being charged with electrical currents.

Reappearance of the Being

Saturday woke up 4am from phone ringing. 2 hours later began to relax. A warm feeling washed over me, I felt so warm inside the smile formed on my face as a natural reaction. Immediately followed by this was the sensation of cobwebs over my face and then goosebumps all over my right arm. I knew this meant there was something nearby, looked to my right and there was the being that I had recently met. I didn't have time to stare at it long enough to be certain because my right ear began to vibrate at an uncomfortable rate.

I averted my glance suddenly feeling vulnerable and a little afraid as the ear vibration made me feel I was lacking in control. I had a feeling my ear vibration was due to the being trying to communicate with me or it's possible that my ear was tuning into a different frequency. I tried to let the vibrations settle down without resisting but it was impossible to endure it and so I gave up and attempted to stop it instead.

So after fidgeting for a good few minutes the vibration finally stopped, but the feeling of the presence was still nearby. I didn't care to look. I was afraid to look but more than that I was annoyed. I just wanted to sleep at least for an hour and wake up feeling rejuvinated which is not the way I've been feeling lately. In order to avoid seeing this being I turned to rest on my front and began to relax once more and instantly felt a kind of funneling in my left ear. There was some root chakra sensation and some sexual stimulation present until I slipped in an altered state of consciousness where I percieved that I was in the back of a vehicle looking out at a suburb street passing by.

Once again I feel like I had triggered this, that night before bed I randomly thought about what that being was to begin with but I had no intention for another encounter. It was a background thought of very little significance.

Ribs Shift and Nonverbal Communication

This was perhaps the most extremely intense thing that has ever happened to me. I was suddenly alarmed in middle of sleep with my body in a strange twisted position. It was dark but had tactile sensation, though I still couldn't tell left from right. I had extreme breathing difficulty unable to breath in at all, gasping for air. My ribs were shifting outwards, snapping, cracking and being pulled by some force. It was agonizing yet strangely there was no pain, maybe just psychological trauma. I wasn't fighting it, not because I didn't want to but because it was impossible. Suddenly I got a flash of two people I know and I was being informed non-verbally that they will be going through the same procedure. Some time later became unconscious of the activity.

That morning had an astral type experience where I was surrounded by an array of birds, some I could identify (pigeons, sparrows etc) and a few others I don't think I've ever seen before. There was a particular bird, creamish colour with brown patches and large in size staring at me. I remember trying to memorize every inch of this bird so that I could look it up, still haven't found it.

Update on Recent Energy Activity

Recently I've been experiencing a lot of energy activity ranging from mild to extreme.

The Mild:

• Tremors - randomly here and there
• Pressures in head - there was just one day where the pressure was unbearable and felt pain
• Cramps and sharp pain in lower abdomen (occurred during evening, by the time I got to bed surrendered to the pain and miraculously fell asleep)
• During meditation left arm itched and then felt like bug crawling under skin, sensation proceeded in right arm
• Water bubbling up spine during hot bath - was pleasant but finished up fast due to feeling dizzy

The Extreme:

• Legs shaking (sat down letting the legs shake it off)
• Legs and arms swinging out just as I drift off to sleep (at one point grabbed the edge of my bed certain that whatever was moving my arms and legs was trying to throw me out of bed - occured again in the morning)
• Heart palpitation
  
• Weird twisted posture with ribs being shifted - written in more detail in the next post

Astral Travel via Energized Third Eye Chakra

I awoke 2am constantly cleaning out bladder. After this it was impossible to sleep - this insomnia is becoming consistent taking place almost every night.

By 6am I thought I was going to lose my mind, highly stressed and agitated I started taking deep breaths. Then began focusing on the gentle natural rhythm of my breathing. It took time until I even felt mildly relaxed. There was some energy movement in various parts but mild compared to previous nights, until the energy focus was completely in the location of the third eye chakra.

In the Sky
At first there's a vibration until it was like an inner tremor between the brows. My ears vibrate and burn. I rotate to the other side of the room, everything dark. As I sink something comes in focus, like a cap being removed from camera lens or simply peeping through one eye. I raise up towards this image, I'm about to go through something and may lose focus. I need something to help me focus, so I keep repeating 'Spirit Guides' like a mantra. I go through something completely forgetting my intention. I'm flying on my back staring at the sky. There are unusual circular objects flying in the air and I assume they are some kind of aircraft. I get too close to one, certain that it would hit me but realize nothing can hurt me in this state. As I pass by, not exactly controlling my movement, there are more weird shaped objects above me.

The Apartment
My recall is fuzzy here - I end up in an apartment, in the living room there are several people seated on the couch and some on the floor. I particularly remember a teenager. One of the woman there is speaking. 'Don't you think she should leave him?' she asks. They're in a conversation completely irrelevant to me until the woman calls out my name. I walk up to her confused in a sort of daze. 'What do you think?' she was clearly asking me. I wasn't thinking much which was probably why I was confused - it was like my thought process had shut down and now slowly I was trying to speak back. 'Why should she leave? Why doesn't she leave? She should leave.' Suddenly it's like I'm remembering something and hearing the sound of my voice made me think I was physically speaking and from a physical perspective I would appear to be talking in my sleep. I try to wake up just a little - halfway to see if I am speaking out. I have an FA followed by a vision of a Hindu deity.

The Deity
I'm lying down and shift to my right side, the image of what looks like a giant Hindu Goddess doesn't even startle me. She speaks. 'Oh, one so small. Let me tell you why we have a head. The head is there to know.' Those weren't her exact words, her speech was more poetic. She continued speaking. I look down and see a mini version of herself sitting beside her listening attentively.

In the Sky II
Back in bed same chakra and ear sensation. This second time round I realized that I could AP anytime, some kind of connection was made. All I had to do was pull the energy into the third eye chakra through the breath. Although I didn't deliberately pull energy into that chakra and intend to AP for this projection intentionally, I was watching the third eye mechanism in motion and understood the process. Once again I'm flying with my gaze at the sky, there are square and rectangular shaped wired meshes above me, all flapping in random directions. I land on my feet, and glide. In front of me are lots of cars made of plastic, look like big toy cars. Suddenly there is a loud sound of glass breaking, I panic thinking it's coming from the physical, someone is breaking in my house. I intend to return but it's difficult almost like a magnet is constantly pulling me back. I phase in and out and when I return completely there is no sign of a break in.

Another Night of Energetic Activity

Last night the energy activity made itself more present. Here's a list of last nights activity, not in the order that they took place:

• Difficulty sleeping, unable to relax
• Jaw shifted
• Sleeping on front made the protruding sternum press down
• Heart also felt and sounded like it was punching rather than beating
• Resting on back random chakra sensations were first subtle
• I rested my arms on duvet near belly, left arm raised and dropped
• Index finger on left hand raised up and then I put it back down - this repeated
• I bent my knees to get comfortable, felt immediate sensation of root chakra (tingling and wiggly movements)
• Solar plexus pulsating with a vibration
• Sternum was being charged - of all the sensations and movements this was most intense
  
• Throat contracted, vibrated and tingled, something inside felt squirmy
• Muscles in arms and legs clenched and relaxed
• Movements in genital area
• Right ear vibrations and heat sensation
  
• Energy (tingles and pressure) in soles of feet shooting upwards through leg
  
• Right arm which was near belly was moved to the side (at this point I understood that I had to keep arms by my side)
• Arms on the side, my hands tingled
• Sharp stinging sensations in several parts
• Face squinted

Not sure how long after I fell asleep, maybe 3 hours. Though being aware of this energy is fascinating, I really need some sleep. I realize that with this energy present there is a lot of random side effects, everything about it is unpredictable.

I intend to set some time aside purely for relaxing, some extra time to let the energy play out.

Here Comes The Pain

Yesterday morning I woke up in pain throughout the body that I've felt for the first time in my life. The muscles in my arms, legs and back were aching and sore, there were pangs of pain deep in my bones. My entire body was so peculiar with bones sticking out - I suddenly felt physically what it must be like to be severely anorexic.

I relaxed by focusing on my breathing to manage the pain before getting out of bed. During the relaxation my left hand moved to my face and my fingers began gently stroking my left cheek, after this I ended the session.

The pain was manageable, it was only in the evening that I experienced some more severe pains and cramps.

My appetite has reduced greatly since the flu and now I have to make an effort to eat.

Protruding Sternum

I slept early yesterday, woke up once due to sensitivity to noise. There were no signs of any K type activity that I was aware of. When I woke up this morning I was glad I got 8 hours of sleep, but I still felt tired with a heavy weight feeling. There was a strange sensation near my chest. Something felt different. I checked exactly where the sensation was and discovered that my sternum was protruding (the middle lower part of the chest) - not too much to look scary but enough to scare me. Even the bones in my back and spine feel different. There's also a slight indentation just below sternum, like it's sucked in. Fortunately it's not painful.

Light Flashes and Sleepless Night

Last night I did not sleep at all, I had the usual chakra sensations and other things going on. At first there were these sudden flashes of light, I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I was in deep thought which was keeping me awake, sudden flashes of memories came to mind particularly incidents from my childhood. I even solved a few mysteries that had perplexed me as a child. These are things I rarely ever think about so it was strange how all that shot through my head.

Suddenly I spotted a white light on the wall adjacent to my window, it was an oval shape with a diameter of about 2cm. It would morph and glimmer as if dancing. It was definitely not a ball of light, 2D flat on the wall. I thought it's obviously moonlight or some other light reflecting through the window and the blinds were slightly open, it's movement was creepy. I left it down to cloud and mist causing it to appear to be changing shape. Rational explanations are comforting.

Suddenly in the corner of my left eye a line of white light flashed. Then somewhere in the corner of my right side of the room. At times it was like a swooshing light but mostly flashes. I had an eerie sense that I was not alone. Got up to look out the window expecting to see a bright moon I was surprised by the array of stars in the night sky. They were of course brightly lit and some would glimmer. They seemed to be jerking or shifting left and right, I don't know much about the behaviours of stars but there was something intriguing about this scene.

Again I tried to just fall asleep, but my mind was strangely occupied. The lights continued to appear, I just decided to take no notice. I thought about this energy that has become more concentrated lately and I decided since I can't sleep I would just lie awake and observe it. I guess I was challenging it to amplify while I was still awake. The muscles in my right arm began to clench and relax followed by my left arm at which point I realized I'm better off being unconscious. I closed my eyes relaxing more and more, suddenly I felt my left arm lift up and then drop. My immediate thought was that this energy is actually intelligent, I knew straight away that the arm drop was a test to see if I had fallen asleep.

I felt goosebumps in my right arm, there was a sensation of warmth and hairs standing up. That was a confirmation that I was spot on about the energy testing me. It was impossible falling asleep, no matter how much I tried I just could not relax. Eventually at about 4am I started drifting off but a loud crashing tearing sound in my head startled me and it took another hour to drift off again. At around 5am my entire body felt like it was exploding over and over again, there were tugging, yanking sensations in certain body parts. The energy felt like it was mostly concentrated in my head, neck and spine, these areas were vibrating intensely. I know the best course of action is to remain still when this happens but I needed to shift around just to confirm I can still function. After that I still could not sleep with light phases of drifting off and being shocked awake. In the end there was some benefit from all this, the anger I had felt during that day felt like it had become neutralized. Suddenly I realized that all things, whether good or bad, the wide spectrum of emotions were blessings in disguise.

Meeting Spirit - Trust Issues

For over a week I've been suffering from a really bad case of flu and now just recovering. During this period the sex dreams and episodes of extreme sexual urges have been intense. On one occasion I felt myself in that state between asleep and awake, it was vivid and with all the sexual urges I began stripping myself.

I know what the dreams and the urges mean and how it relates to this new energy I feel constantly in my system - there's definitely some deep cleansing, purification going on in the second chakra, but something didn't add up. There was a missing element and I had a deep desire to understand it so I did a whole lot of research on the sexual aspect of Kundalini and found this miracle of a website Kundalini-teacher. There are two articles I read that helped me to connect the dots Lust/Lack and Divine Beloved. I knew that with these crazy dreams some unconscious aspect of me was communicating with me and the craziness was there to get my attention.

Last night I opened up particularly to the male aspect but I wondered what I would say when that part does manifest in some form. An interesting thing happened, I think I witnessed my first UFO sighting last night. I couldn't sleep feeling fidgety, got up. Something outside in the night sky caught my attention. It was a deep amber light and looked like a glimmering twinkling star gliding by unlike any aircraft I've ever seen. Eventually fell asleep.

Woke up at 4am biting, chewing with my teeth as if eating food. My head felt like it would split open, the unconscious chewing explains the headache I've been experiencing past few mornings. After two hours I attempted to relax hoping to get some sleep, a bit hesitant and anxious knowing that sleep and astral activity has been replaced with something completely unpredictable.

I relaxed, still awake staring out the window I noticed something fluttering. A bird, a massive butterfly maybe? I couldn't identify it but it was coming through inside my bedroom, landing somewhere on my bed. There was a tingling all over my face, spreading over my neck. This was new, it felt like pins and needles with a numbing sensation, but more powerful than this sensation was the presence I felt nearby.

I began moving out like some force was carrying me backwards. I caught a glimmer of a tiny shadow being, it was amazing to be so close to it without going straight into shock. It was about 3 or 4 ft tall, I thought it was a child. It was dark so I could only see it's figure and no features. Then I remembered that I wanted to say something, I remembered planning it all night or even my entire life. My only problem was I couldn't remember what it was. I'm standing still amazed by this being but perplexed at my own confusion. A bubbling feeling surged through me and the words came out like a siren 'I love you'.

The being lit up, no longer a dark shadow. It was bathed in a golden bright light, but still hiding under a thick robe, I felt incredible joy. This being was only just beginning to reveal itself. Unfortunately, the joy transmuted to fear when I began thinking it was too much too soon. I closed my eyes, backed away and like a raving lunatic continuously admitted that I couldn't go through with it because I was too afraid. I began panting, my breathing felt irregular. I thought 'There's no place like home' and like Dorothy, in that instant you could say that I was back in Kansas.

I was relieved but also disappointed that I could be afraid of something so beautiful. The fear was irrational. The entire meeting with this being had transpired for 15 minutes. One thing is very clear now, spirit guides, unconscious aspects of your consciousness, whatever label you want to give them they do not make direct connection for a very good reason or they only attempt to do so when they're certain you are ready. Their appearance and presence seems to have the effect of a septic shock. It's either that or I clearly have some trust issues.

Animal Totems

Initially when I first heard about animal totems I had very little interest in them, but now they seem to be popping up everywhere, in dreams, SP episodes and in waking life.

On one occasion I noticed a squirrel nibbling a hazelnut it looked adorable but I didn't think much of it until I began seeing it repeatedly for several days in the exact same spot. Finally I was compelled to read up on animal totems and the meaning of the squirrel.

Yesterday afternoon in the kitchen on the outside frame of the window was a spider on its web, it was attacking a type of beetle that had two yellow spots sticking out on either end (later learned that it was a yellow shouldered ladybug). By attack I mean it was wrapping its web around the poor bugger.

Within seconds I had an entire swarm of red ladybugs concealing the window - it was kind of scary. I had to close the window to stop them from getting in, just one had got in. I know ladybugs are harmless but when there are that many you can't help but think what they are capable of and they were multiplying. At the same time the entire scene was fascinating.

I have been reading up on the meaning of these - there is a wealth of information online regarding animal totems, so much that it's hard to figure out how it fits with you personally.

I think the red ladybugs have something to do with the root chakra, the past few days I have been experiencing thumping sensation in that area. The spider also probably has some significance.

This morning after a series of dreams where I had a negative attitude I woke up. I began reflecting on the dreams realizing maybe I do need to change my attitude with certain people. Fell asleep and had a dream where my mood changed positively. I was in the woodlands, it's winter and icy cold though I didn't feel it. I noticed a pale blue bird on a tree branch. As it flew about I reached out my left arm signalling it to come forth. It rested on my hand and there was a warm feeling of joy emanating from within me. I felt both playful and at peace. I can't seem to identify this bird - I'm sure it wasn't a blue bird. It was the size of a sparrow, only it looked really chubby and was pale blue all over.

Communication with K energy

In a brave attempt to sleep on Saturday night I realized I am resisting this energy a great deal. I knew something was going to shock me that night, whether it would be that incredibly focused energy in my head or some kind of panic attack - something was ready and waiting for me to slip into a sleep state.

Closing my eyes I thought 'Bring it on!' Seconds later there was some thumping at the base of my spine. I chickened out and begged the energy to be gentle and to 'please keep the energy in my head to a minimum'. It didn't take me long to realize that maybe I was imposing so I surrendered taking back all my demands, actually just the 'bring it on' part.

The only thing I remember from that night are intense dreams of a very sensual erotic nature. I have found some kind of connection though, before these intense energies take over I do get warning signs in the form of chakra sensations.

Energy Hands and Whispers

Saturday morning I relaxed, it was very natural, not forced nor attempted. Some time in the relaxation there was a surge of energy sensations shooting into my chest - I flinched my hands and at the same time heard a female voice softly whispering in my right ear 'It's okay'. I asked questions with no response.

Sleepless Nights and Naps

Sleep has become rather pointless, at least the purpose of it seems to be some kind of invitation for this extreme energy to do its bidding rather than the natural rejuvination process that I am accustomed to. Even napping has become ineffective causing intervals of extreme fatigue during the day.

On Thursday night I had difficulty sleeping. Initially there was a pulsating beat in my solar plexus that comes and goes but able to doze off. I was startled suddenly with a burning itchy sensation that kept me from sleeping for about an hour. Eventually that calmed down and I attempted to sleep. Suddenly I was startled awake by a sound in my head. Roaring and gushing, banging, crashing and clashing. There was about a hundred different sounds exploding in my head. My right ear was vibrating and inside there was a burning sensation - I felt like smoke was coming out. It all happened really fast that I didn't have a chance to panic. Soon that familiar buzzing and tingling electric sensation soared up from my back to my head. The sensation in my head was unbearable, and the buzzing caused my teeth to chatter. When I made some movement it slowly came to a stop.

After this I wasn't sure if it was a good idea to go back to sleep, of course on the other hand there was no way that I was going to deprive myself of sleep for an entire night. An hour later I stopped resisting sleep and within just a few seconds of drifting into a relaxed state the energy shot through into my head causing a nervous spark. This kept me up for another hour until I fell asleep without any further shocking moments unless I blocked them from my memory.

Usually now in the mornings I get a sensation of energy rushing through my body, particularly focused on the back of my neck.

I have tried napping in the afternoons but even these are invitations for K energy, though they are mild compared to the nocturnal activities, these too end with an energy rush.

Weird Dreams - Forced Injection and Spider Claws

Forced Injection
This morning I woke up at 4:20am slowly falling asleep by 5am. I had a pleasant dream that I was in a beach spending time with people that I seemed to know only in the dream.

Suddenly the scene changed. I was in a room, on a couch. Completely naked, my body was slightly slanted to the right side. In front of the couch there was a man standing. I felt a deep shocking pain in my left buttock. I wanted to scream out my pain but the paralysis would not allow it. A woman is injecting my left buttock with something and she keeps repeating 'we'll take that part' each time she says 'part' I could feel the syringe dig in deep.

I have no idea how I got there, however my main concern was the intentions of these two strangers. The woman was calm whereas the man was rather nervous and jittery. Finally the painful jabs came to a stop. I could see the woman get up, in her hands are sheets of papers that looked official. I managed to catch a glimpse of a page, a section required for signing. She puts this page on the couch, and looks straight at me and begins to talk. "I'm sure this is all very clear" she said.

It was clear, at least what I thought was going on was that they were removing fat from my body. The woman was some kind of surgeon and the man was the one who wanted the fat for some unknown purpose. I also knew that this was being done against my will. The woman rummages through sheets of papers grabbing two that seemed important. She grabs a chair sitting right next to my head so that I can see the paper she's holding onto. I notice a few digits - seems like a price list.

She's making some kind of peace offering with me by offering me her services. I begin to fear that after what they plan to do to my body I most likely will need it. When I woke up in my bedroom I was slightly disoriented and confused until I registered completely that I had indeed woken up quite relieved that it was just an insane vivid dream.

Spider Claws
In another dream I had a few days ago I was out in a field. I examine a car nearby, a famous Bollywood actor in the driver seat and an unknown person in the passenger seat. The car was somehow crushed killing the two people inside. I turned around and found myself in my back garden. I walked towards the house and stumbled across a large spider web, I tried to walk over it but the sticky substance got stuck on my legs. There was a spider on my leg. It's a strange looking spider - the legs are like crab claws. I attempted to shake it off me. Suddenly there's a whole swarm of mutant spiders climbing up on me. Soon they're clawing at my flesh. The pinching is intense sending some kind of sparks into my nervous system, I felt somehow it was manipulating my hormones because suddenly I felt sexually aroused. When I woke up there was a burning prickling sensation in my left lower arm when I touched that part it would sting making it seem as if there was some inflamation.

Kundalini Signs Breathing Out for an Extended Period

More signs of physical anomaly showing up. It happens frequently as I doze off to sleep yet each thing that occurs seems so random. Usually I would just doze off for a few minutes and then I would be startled by either some loud noise or strange ideas that something is wrong even though there appears to be no physical evidence to justify such fears.

Usually these fears are accompanied by noises that only I can hear. One night there was a loud noise that sounded like someone was trying to kick open the garden door. My sister who was awake that night did not hear anything.

Recently as I drift off to sleep my mind would remain absolutely still but awake and completely alert. Suddenly I would breathe out for a long period without any conscious control and I could hear a loud hushing sound come out of my mouth. It seems as if something or someone has occupied my body and consciously manipulating my bodily functions - I get an eerie sense of being possessed. It's not really frightening considering that breathing is mostly involuntary anyways. I think when the mind becomes still there is an increase in ones awareness, a heightened sensitivity to the senses.

It seems most of the Kundalini signs that I've read about are starting to show up. For two days I felt like some kind of bugs were biting my right arm and both legs, itching constantly. I have felt intense heat around the body particularly in my face. I've felt heat internally as well as externally. The pressure in my head intensifies when reading, perhaps has something to do with concentration.

Having some knowledge in Kundalini I guess all this is rather tolerable and I could only imagine the constant fear and distress these symptoms can cause for people who don't have the slightest clue about this Kundalini energy.

Brief APs and Grinding Teeth

Woke up at 3am and then returned to bed at 5:30am despite not feeling sleepy. I felt mild vibrations through my body until I became aware of floating around an unfamiliar room. There was a desk with a number of objects. My attention was focused on the white fan because I had the exact same one in storage.

Suddenly I warped to another room - again unfamiliar yet strangely beside the window was the same fan. I think I was returning back to normal waking consciousness but ended up in the void where I remember seeing some kind of structure I can't seem to describe. I was sinking and with that sense I thought about the hierarchy of the astral plane where there is the lower level and then the higher level. I momentarily thought I'm literally going down to the lower astral plane.

I returned to normal waking consciousness and closed my eyes again to get some sleep. Immediately I felt this heavy weight inside me feeling like it was sinking out of me - like some kind of magnetic movement. My head began to vibrate, but the vibration felt so different, it had a denseness about it. The room began to change but not quite. I was still aware of my bedroom, the sound of my breathing and the vibrations happening on the physical level and then in another awareness I could see in front of me an antique looking room without anything else visible. Then something appeared in front of me on the floor in this antique room - it looked like a skinny body wrapped in white sheets. Looked like a mummy - now the room took a new shape, it felt like a museum with some unusual artifacts.

The mummified thing was continuously spinning on that single point. On the physical level I could feel pressure in the right side of my face. Back to the mummy - I thought it had disappeared, but it was still there and looked as if it was shrinking. After clear examination I realized it wasn't shrinking, instead the sheets were being removed. I didn't see anything but the unravelling of the sheets made me feel incredibly angry, I demanded it to stop.

Then on the physical level my teeth began to chatter, it was literally buzzing. I then heard the sound and felt the motion of my jaw that highly suggested I was grinding my teeth confirming my recent suspicion over the reason for my unusual sensitivity in the back teeth when eating chocolate. I was conscious of my unconscious teeth grinding and was unable to consciously control the movement of my jaw. Although unable to make any movement I managed to slowly stick my tongue out to reduce the impact of the grinding. Felt my teeth buzzing and moving side to side on my tongue. Fortunately there wasn't too much pressure and a few minutes later of the grinding I naturally snapped out of it at 6:20am.

Losing Interest

I haven't had any APs, not even brief experiences though I haven't exactly been trying. The SPs have been increasing without any attempt to AP. Waking up around 3 - 5am has become an automatic mechanism and usually I'm stirred awake by intensely dramatic and sometimes horrific dreams. I no longer seem to have the desire to AP.

I've lost interest in continuing the Hemi-Sync Gateway Experience program as well as meditation and the breathing methods that I made a habit of practicing. I have basically lost interest in all result and goal oriented practices - which is basically everything and I have not stopped all of these, I have just completely lost interest in them. For a while now everything just seems so purposeless. On one hand I feel incredibly empty inside and on the other hand I feel like a robot, programmed to feel and act a specific way or ways. I know I'm not depressed, maybe confused yet existence suddenly seems so clear.

With this sudden lack of interest in material and immaterial things I have been experiencing a lot of physical symptoms that suggest some kind of disorder, chaos within the nervous system. However, I don't seem to be bothered by it. My case is if death is guaranteed why do we take every opportunity to fight it?

SP Presence and The Black Bird

Lately instead of APing I seem to be experiencing a lot of SP episodes. This morning during SP I felt like there was someone in the room and in a matter of urgency I willed myself to snap out, because I really felt this presence was physical and intruding. Of course upon regaining full control of my physical apparatus there was nobody next to my door where I had assumed someone was standing watching me.

In another SP I experienced about two days ago there was a black bird on my neighbours roof. It was either a raven or a crow - honestly I can't tell the difference between these two birds. The bird then flew to my open window and landed on the frame. It stared at me intently, I felt like I was the meal of the day. The slats of the blinds were open, it put its head between the slat shimmying through. I panicked and snapped out of the SP.

In another SP which occured last week there was what looked like a seahorse but not quite. It came through my window in a similar way as the raven only I didn't feel panic. To the contrary I was delighted to see it, the creature rested on my right arm and I was able to feel the sensation as if it were occuring on a physical level though I was paralysed. I felt affection for it in the same way one does for a pet.

Hearing Stuff and Ear Crackling

Last night I was startled from sleep at 2am from the sound of a woman screaming. My sister was in the house with her friend so I thought either they were messing around or something was wrong.

I anxiously went to check on them. Sister was asleep and friend had left. I remember the scream was so incredibly loud I actually felt it inside my head. Since everything seemed fine I returned to bed. Within a few seconds of closing my eyes I heard a crackling sound, sounded like a plastic wrapper for sweets. I checked for anything under my neck though I knew there wouldn't be as I don't leave sweet wrappers on my bed but maybe somehow something got there.

There was nothing and even more strange was the fact that I was lying down perfectly still yet the crackling could not have been produced without moving. I listened to the sound intently - much more audible I realized it was coming from inside my ears. I opened my jaw and it crackled a little more.

I'm very aware that this could suggest TMJ but I haven't been experiencing severe pain and the headache is completely gone except for some pressure around frontal bone which moves down to my left temporal bone. The pressure itself is completely painless and tends to feel more like a brain massage.

Acting Out Dreams and Teeth Clenching

This morning I had a nightmare about being chased by something the size of a toddler only it looked horrible and monstrous. It had arms and legs but did not look human, didn't even look like an alien, monster is probably the most fitting description. It looked threatening with it's sharp pointy teeth - it seemed to have no facial features and appeared 2D. I managed to get up on a raised platform. I knew the thing had intentions to attack me. I'm not one to judge a person by the way they look but this thing looked seriously cruel. Having no where to run I kicked and punched it but the creature seemed to have some super strength.

I continued kicking it trying to push it over the platform in the hope that it would fall down and just splat. It was on the edge but quickly grabbed me, I bit hard into the creatures arm at which point I woke up clenching my teeth and quickly stopped it.

A few days ago I had woken up with some pain in my mouth, headache and for two days jaw had clicked briefly in the morning. Also the tissue connecting my cheek on the left side was incredibly sore and after examining it there were a few cuts there which could've only happened from biting in that area.

Bruxism is the medical term for teeth clenching. I read about the causes of this condition and one that was highlighted is stress. Under these circumstances I would say yes I was highly stressed - it's not everyday that I get chased by an unidentifiable and ghastly looking creature. I think in a situation like that anyone would bite for their life.

Drill #3

Woke up at about 4am, after that time it was impossible to sleep.

At 7am tried to get at least an hour of sleep. I almost fell asleep until there was a startling noise of clattering pans. I was not bothered investigating this and just put it down to auditory hallucination because the sound was unusually loud as if it was coming from somewhere in my head.

Closed eyes and slept on my front. Within a few seconds I was alarmed by an impact on the back of my head but with that all too familiar drill sound that I have heard and felt twice before (Drill #1, Drill #2). The buzzing was mild at first and I decided that instead of fighting it to just observe every sensation, record every detail. As I continued to observe I noticed that everything about it increments in intensity, it gets deeper, louder and much more unbearable. There was no pain, just that feeling you get when someone scratches a blackboard only a lot worse.

I opened my eyes to see if it, whatever 'it' was would continue. It did and I guess I was surprised because I was still physically fully awake. I could see my arms stretched out, was able to move but didn't want to make any sudden movements. Seconds later it felt as if the drill bit had now got to the surface of my brain. My left arm, hand and fingers started to twitch followed by the right arm. At that point it was becoming completely unbearable, the twitching was easy to deal with and I knew it had to do with that thing getting deeper in my brain. The only part of it I could not endure was the intense sensation I felt upon impact which was increasing.

I turned around to rest on my back, the sensation lasted a minute or so before it began to dissipate into tiny vibrations, fizzing away. Ended at 7:45am.

Left Brain Gets an Electric Shock

Last night as I closed my eyes getting ready for sleep the middle of my forehead tensed up and there was an intense pressure like something was ready to pop out (third eye maybe? lol). A few seconds later the hair on the left part of my head felt like it was moving - this is the second time I've had this feeling. Felt like fingers running through my hair only they were incredibly light. I remember the first time it happened some months ago I was scared thinking I was probably being haunted by some entity.

This time I didn't think much of it. There were tiny vibrations on my scalp, tingling like sensation. Then a tremor in the left side of my brain with electric like sensations and I felt something burst inside. There was no pain but you'd think that with an explosion like that I should feel some pain. To be more precise it felt like something was trying to come out from the left side of my brain. This is quite enough to send anyone into shock, I wanted to really sleep and was not so bothered with these weird sensations feeling very little concern over them. Tried to go to sleep despite the sensations which were gradually dissipating but soon my arms snapped out in a jolt. Soon after fell asleep. The strange part of this was that I was completely awake and not in that state where I'm accustomed to the weird, strange and unexplainable.

I did a search on electric sensations in the brain and there's quite a lot of people who experience this with a majority of people feeling it in the left part of the brain.

Light Beam

Awakened at 4:30am from a disturbing dream about a mafia group in some sort of covert operation (very movie like), eventually went back to sleep and found myself floating in the darkness.

Became aware of being in bed again in the SP state. At the middle of my room which was dark there was a beam of light. Tried getting up to investigate the light on which my eyes were locked, I couldn't move my gaze. Forced myself to turn sideways and once I finally broke the SP spell the light beam swiftly moved out the window. When I opened my eyes the sun had come out, my room bright unlike the darkness that was before it.

Panic Attacks

Not sure how this even relates to AP but I'll put it here because it's just as bizarre and mysterious.

Last night got to bed at 11pm, woke up just 30 minutes later in an unusual manner, gasping for air and rapid heart beat and a weird feeling of having escaped something dreadful.

I closed my eyes again fell asleep and the panic attack repeated, could not recall what it was that caused it.

It happened a third time at which point I was too groggy but had enough energy for paranoid thoughts. Ordinary sounds were so loud my eardrums felt like they would explode.

Clarity of Dreams

The dreams I've been having lately have been so incredibly detailed and much longer than usual as well as disturbing. Unfortunately I do not have enough willpower to even summarize anything that long so I haven't been bothered jotting them down in my dream journal.

Had a several of these bizarre dreams this morning. In one dream that I can vividly recall there is a man in his car at McD's drive-through. On the passenger seat I can see a woman in her 50's maybe, eyes gawking and lips ajar. She looks in shock and frozen, I realize she's dead and I'm thinking he should close her eyes and mouth so she appears to be sleeping. I wonder why he's making it so blatant. He reaches out forward doing exactly what I was thinking. As he drives off I notice he has forgotten a burger - he reverses, I reach out grabbing the burger.

There were more dreams which I can't recall as clearly when I woke up at 7:35am. Went back to bed at 9am. Within a few minutes I became aware of my body falling asleep. There was an intense gripping feeling right in my solar plexus. I was in so much agony, snapped out of the SP but the pain remained. Held onto my belly groaning for a bit until I lost consciousness. It felt like my stomach was being yanked out.

Then I had a dream where I'm heavily pregnant, I seem to be with a partner. There is another person who is attacking us. I get a memory flash of this person, he is forcefully injecting me with something and I lose consciousness.

In another dream I'm playing Resident Evil. This time I'm inside the game playing it as if it were all real. An inventory screen pops up at the middle and I equip some grenades. A lift is coming up I wait for the doors to open and throw the grenades at the speedy, bigger, badder, and better equiped zombies.

Clarity of Dreams

The dreams I've been having lately have been so incredibly detailed and much longer than usual as well as disturbing. Unfortunately I do not have enough willpower to even summarize anything that long so I haven't been bothered jotting them down in my dream journal.

Had a several of these bizarre dreams this morning. In one dream that I can vividly recall there is a man in his car at McD's drive-through. On the passenger seat I can see a woman in her 50's maybe, eyes gawking and lips ajar. She looks in shock and frozen, I realize she's dead and I'm thinking he should close her eyes and mouth so she appears to be sleeping. I wonder why he's making it so blatant. He reaches out forward doing exactly what I was thinking. As he drives off I notice he has forgotten a burger - he reverses, I reach out grabbing the burger.

There were more dreams which I can't recall as clearly when I woke up at 7:35am. Went back to bed at 9am. Within a few minutes I became aware of my body falling asleep. There was an intense gripping feeling right in my solar plexus. I was in so much agony, snapped out of the SP but the pain remained. Held onto my belly groaning for a bit until I lost consciousness. It felt like my stomach was being yanked out.

Then I had a dream where I'm heavily pregnant, I seem to be with a partner. There is another person who is attacking us. I get a memory flash of this person, he is forcefully injecting me with something and I lose consciousness.

In another dream I'm playing Resident Evil. This time I'm inside the game playing it as if it were all real. An inventory screen pops up at the middle and I equip some grenades. A lift is coming up I wait for the doors to open and throw the grenades at the speedy, bigger, badder, and better equiped zombies.

Energy Ball and Near Projections

Yesterday morning fell asleep at 11am making up for some lost sleep. Eventually I became aware of sensations and as usual I assume I'm about to AP - seems to be the only thing I use to explain these strange happenings.

I felt some weird magnetic force pulling me from the soles of my feet, it felt like my insides were the first being sucked out by a powerful vacuum. I didn't have to restrain myself instead my reaction was a feeling of perhaps just a mild form of euphoria. I wasn't exactly ecstatic but somewhat near to it.

Within a few seconds of this I was able to move my legs and felt the solidity of them and the feeling that the soles of my feet were pressing against this strong sucking magnetic force that now felt like a large ball. The simplest, most descriptive word I can use to describe this ball was that it was 'energetic' and when I moved my legs I could feel the energy following the movement. I could feel my lips curling into a smile followed by a roaring inner laughter - the feeling was playful.

I was distracted by external noise, moved the rest of my body and instantly ended up in SP where I struggled to regain movement.

A few days ago had a near projection where I experienced mild forms of astral symptoms but there was some distraction so I could not go further.

Electric Surges and Brief APs

Last night I had some difficulty falling asleep until about 2am. Immediately there was a sensation that felt like electricity surging through from the back of my head to the back of my neck. The sensation was incredibly strong, it felt like my brain was being yanked out, I held tightly on my pillow realizing these sensations pop up mostly when I'm lying down on my front. With some effort I manage to turn over, resting on my back the sensation subsided but I could still feel mild vibrations in my head, neck and arms.

I close my eyes and almost instantly it feels like I've zapped into a scene where I am looking out of my front door outside where it looks like something has gone wrong. I walk out, there is a rather long lorry blocking my view but I can see on the other side of it a burst of flame. There are burning vehicles across the street. Many people outside are staring at something other than the burning vehiclesI can't see what they are looking at, it's noisy and I can hear mostly police sirens and fire brigades. I see my neighbour and ask him what happened to which I don't get a response, he seems to be in a daze as are everyone else. I woke up suddenly, it was still dark outside didn't bother to check the time and just fell asleep.

At 8am tried to get an hour of sleep - I knew somehow that was not possible, there was that predictability of something astral to take place. Lying down on my back, closed eyes my head felt like it was expanding, soon I'm in a small room I don't recognize. I see my sister and other people - for some reason it feels like an ordinary day only we all seem to be floating. Since I can clearly see my sister I wonder if I could see myself. I look at my arms, they look completely solid and physical. I'm seeking out a mirror to see my entire body and surprised to see my physical form as it is. I turn away and suddenly my body has taken up the movement of a wave, at this stage I'm seeing through my eyes in and out of the astral and my physical bedroom. As I look at my bedroom ceiling I can hear several songs playing, I seem to be still moving like a wave. I end up getting to the SP state where I try to move my arms and snap out because I thought that I left the radio on and it was a bit distracting, of course when I got up the radio noise disappeared. Woke up around 9ish am.

Sky meets Land

Time: 6am
Technique: WBTB (woke up at 3am)
Mood: Calm
Symptoms: floating, ear vibrations
Goals: None

Prior to this experience at 5am I had a brief exit episode where I felt backward sensation and the view of an office appeared and moving continuously backwards viewing a dining room with a cluttered table. When I snapped out of that one I thought I just had my maximum quota of projecting for the day.

At 6am I closed my eyes to get a few more hours of sleep. Instantly as I heard the sounds produced by the aeroplane passing by my ear drums began to vibrate with such intensity I thought they were going to explode. I tried playing about with the rate at which it was vibrating. I briefly slowed it down just by focusing on the vibration and the uneasy sensation that it produced, but it was still uncomfortable. Suddenly from the corner of my eyes I noticed something. There was a large glassless, frameless window - an open square and through that square I was looking at the sky which was a combination of colours that I could not comprehend - this sky unlike any ordinary sky seemed to be on top of the land beneath it that was just as luminous and vibrant as the sky. Looking at it I was so astonished to be witness to such incredible and indescribable beauty.

At this stage the ear vibrations were completely gone, perhaps because I was marvelling at the grandeur of the sky meeting the land. There seemed to be no distance between the two. The beauty of this view became a bit too much for reasons unknown, I had to avert my glance to make it endurable. I suddenly wept, there were no physical tears it was an inner weeping and I had no idea why. It was an emotion so foreign to me that no emotion ever experienced could come close to describing it - perhaps I can say it was unbearable which might make it sound like it was bad. Quite contrary to that I think it was a positive emotion but I just did not have the capacity to hold on to it.

The emotion was unmercifuly growing stronger and no averting my eyes helped - it would persist whether I dared to look or not. Now I wanted out, looking for an escape that seemed nowhere to be found. My vision was engulfed with a sudden darkness at which point the foreign emotion became stronger. I cried even harder and I could hear the sound of my crying which I believe finally snapped me out of that state where back in the physical a milder version of the emotion was present as if it were slowly shutting down. The time was 6:05 am.

At about 7am I tried to make up for some much needed sleep, had an interesting episode of SP. I managed to lift my left arm but noticed that I now had two left arms both looked physical, one was in the original position from where I raised it and the other was positioned to the point I raised it to. The original arm slowly began to vanish - the same thing happened with my right arm. It was unlike double vision, there was no haziness it was as clear as viewing my both arms right now. I think this might have been due to my brain slowing down and taking time to wipe out the memory of where I originally moved it from - quite amazing to watch how the brain functions. It has to make one wonder though, is the body really there, are the things that we see really there or are they just stored up memories continuously and consistently repeating?

After this SP I had an FA where I got out of bed to the bathroom. I got the toothbrush ready and in the instant that I looked at the mirror staring at a stranger standing next to me with a smug look on his face I screamed myself awake back into the SP state and then to C-1 at 7:15am.

My latest meditations

The past few weeks the way I meditate has changed drastically. I noticed that my previous meditations were very systematic and very supressive. I have recognized that I have been continuously trying to control every new obstacle that popped up, first it was thoughts, then it was some bodily sensation and soon enough the spontaneous movements came out of nowhere and I would try to look for a solution by trying to understand what it was in the first place so that I could control it.

In the first week I refined my meditation method a great deal - though I had stopped focusing on my breathing I started chanting mantras to help quiet my mind. In every session it seemed I was trying to improve the method. I did a search on google looking for easy meditation techniques until I started reading about Jiddu Krishnamurti who offers the easiest method of meditation which is actually no method at all. His thoughts on what meditation is not has made a lot of sense in that you sort of uncover what it really is. So lately in my meditations I've just been watching thoughts pass by instead of trying to control it, I just observe on what is. To be more specific I observe my attention which seems to travel from one thing to another. The first thing my attention is focused on is usually a thought, then it would move to an external sound and so on.

What makes meditation easy isn't the application of a technique or method but the basic understanding and seeing for yourself that there is more control of the meditation (imposing your will on it) rather than allowing meditation to move freely. You have to really let go of all the ideas you hold about meditation.

Amazingly I have meditated under extremely noisy conditions and I have done so through no effort, relaxation seems to occur naturally. I now get into a much more deeper state by simply letting go, however there is the case of spontaneous movements of my arms and hands. It seems everything about meditation is spontaneous. These movements are quite startling because they happen so suddenly and they seem to be intelligently controlled. In one session my fingers on the right hand slowly curled into a fist, in another session several fingers in sync with both hands curled. The most startling incident was when I wasn't meditating instead I tried falling asleep. I rested my right hands on my solar plexus. After just a few seconds my right arm spontaneously glided to rest on my side, after the initial shock I put my hands back on my solar plexus and a few seconds later my arm again was swiftly placed by my side. It was only after the third instance that I was scared out of my wits and just gave in leaving my right arm to rest by my side.

Chakra sensations are even more noticeable especially the heart chakra which feels like a heavy weight on my chest, after one session of meditation I felt like my chest was being crushed. At the time I felt like I might be having a heart attack, of course I learnt later that the crushing sensation is a symptom of a heart attack but seems to be associated with pain which I did not feel. The sensation slowly dissipated once I stopped focusing on it. Another sensation that has become more pronounced since my spine tingling episodes is localized at the base of the spine - it feels like a rapid pulsing.

Spine tingles - 2nd episode

On the 18th July I had another spine tingling episode only there was more commotion than the first time and I was a lot more reactive. I went to bed at 1am. Suddenly I became aware of an electrifying energy movement in my back and an intense movement in my spine - I couldn't be certain in which direction it was moving, it seemed to be moving in all direction. Honestly I could not analyze my situation since it was far too startling but I had thought that it must be really late right now - maybe 4ish am, I seem to be accustomed to strange things happening after 4am.

The sensation in my back felt like little electrifying critters swimming about and there was a strange cramp in my solar plexus - the cramping itself did not hurt just felt unusual. I was lying down on my front holding the pillows tightly trying to regain control. As I tried to get up the force had an even stronger grip. This unforeseen force seemed to have an agenda of its own. A sort of communication from an unknown source came forth in the form of a pamphlet - I could clearly read the words written on the front page - they were blocks of sentences. I read the word ascetic in one sentence and tired to remember what it meant - in another sentence there was the word sanity. I can only recall these particular words. I had a feeling this was related to Kundalini Awakening and strangely I knew there were no words written on this pamphlet because there was no pamphlet, I was interpreting all this with my mind with the knowledge that it has acquired.

I knew I was experiencing this on a physical level, it was certainly much more dramatic than anything I've experienced astrally. A sudden sense of loss washed over me and I had this feeling that I was about to lose something and immediately the people that I am closest to came to mind. With the feeling of impending doom I struggled to get up, an enormous amount of effort was required until I broke the spell at which point the energetic movement in my back came to a halt. I felt different, far too light to be physical and then the spinning occurred, this time it was the room that was spinning. I finally snapped out, lying down on my front. It ended at 1:30am, I was surprised because I felt that some few hours passed by until I became aware of the sudden sensations.

The Eagle Dream

I had a very intriguing eagle dream this morning that seemed to have left a great impression on my mind as I woke up.

My two younger sisters and a cousin are messing around with some of their perfumes in my bedroom. My cousin is holding a perfume bag and reads the inscription 'Use with any other perfume'. She begins to say how she was right as she had kept going on about this particular perfume and how it needed to be used with another perfume.

I wondered at this particular point whether she has any idea why it needs to be used with another perfume so I begin to explain. I tell her it's an enhancer, that the perfume in that bottle is odourless and when you use that and then apply another perfume it enrichens the smell and keeps it lasting longer. Now - in reality I've never heard of a perfume enhancer or know whether such a thing exists.

She seems to be at a lost how I have more knowledge about this perfume than she does since I absolutely hate perfumes. I begin to wonder myself and I think at this point I almost woke up within the dream.

They start spraying several kinds of perfumes all over and before it hits my sense of smell I go open the window. As I open it there is a great eagle, the most gigantic bird I've ever seen make it's way in my direction looking straight at me. At first I'm in awe but panic as it gets closer and quickly close the window. It turns and flies through the window of my home office. Now I panic even more and make my sisters and cousin panic because it's in my house. I grab the phone and wonder who I'm supposed to call, the RSPCA, the police maybe.

Upon reflecting on this dream I realize it is highly symbolic of something and I've been looking up on eagles in terms of spirituality. Discovered that in Shamanism the eagle totem represents spiritual healing among other things.

Article on the eagle totem
More on animal totems

Meditation - Learning Equanimity & The Monkey Mind

I started meditating for the past several days without any goals or expectations, perhaps there is that underlying goal of connecting with the Source of everything we perceive here. For the time being I've put Hemi-Sync programs on hold.

For the first few sessions I've been mostly losing consciousness during meditation. When I did snap back to consciousness and end the session I felt really light headed and incredibly spacey. I also felt energy rushing in my arms. Whenever I concentrate on my breathing now I feel a pressure between my brows, even when I'm not meditating but just focus on my breathing.

Yesterday during a meditation session I felt several symptoms that seem like signs of Kundalini rising, at first there were a few chakra sensations which was followed by something swarming about in my back. I heard and felt my heart thumping loud and some tightness in my chest. This was followed by an electric like sensation all over my lower back, that particular area felt like it was heating up. There was also some tingling sensation in my legs which showed up as I ended the session.

In another session yesterday I had a most enlightening experience. At about 7pm it was extremely difficult to quiet my mind - it was rampant with incessant thoughts. I thought I had overcome this but it had been proven otherwise. I applied some equanimity and just observed my thoughts in a detached non-judgemental way. It was a long process but eventually I noticed my irrelevant thoughts that seemed to be overlayed with another mode of thoughts which seemed like it had a mind of its own - this other mode of thoughts was trying to shut up my monkey mind, all the while I was the observor of the two. It was like having three people in the same room, two of them arguing and the third person just passively observing them.

The Illusions of Kundalini

The Illusion
The past two weeks I have made a very radical shift. After a question and answer session with myself about the nature of reality and how I can enhance or even speed the creation and manifestation process whilst I'm having this human experience - the basic answer and somehow I knew it before it came out, was that reality is an illusion. Because it's an illusion there is no need to change it, or enhance or improve it.

This led to looking into teachings that have the same school of thought and I have come across some interesting mind altering material - I'll write about this another time.

What I've been doing the past few days is attempting to looking at my reality (the experiences that unfold, whether they're good or bad, subtle or intense) as an illusion. This means that all the techniques I use, all the ideas and beliefs I have are not real and this includes astral projections and dreams everything you can possibly perceive within this reality. I have to admit understanding this is really mind boggling.

Illusions can be Spine Tingling
This morning I woke up at 5:30am, there was a slight problem, slight because I was able to immediately see it as an illusion. After a short while of the problem settling down perhaps just serving it's purpose (assisting in my awakening) I began to realize how I can't use APs to figuring out the mysteries of life or using it to explore who I really am. There is no method within this reality that can lead me to the Truth, to that which is an illusion. So I surrendered, nothing was needed to be done at least I know I can't do anything from the perspective that the doing will yield results because that idea itself is an illusion. So I left it to the greater part of me to guide me and that I will just go with the flow.

At 7:15 am I felt inspired to meditate which is about the only tool I can seem to use because it's the one practice with which I have no goals attached to. I seem to have no expectations with meditation.

As I focused on the natural rhythm of my breathing, had to shift my position so that I was lying on my front but still focusing on my breathing. Eventually the vibrations erupted in my head followed by high pitch sound travelling into my right ear - I could clearly feel the sensation of the sound. I reminded myself that it was an illusion. Overlayed with the high pitch sound was the sound of an aeroplane - how convenient I thought just when I'm about to AP realizing that even that was an illusion as are the symptoms preceding it. These vibrations were somewhat different I think mostly because I still had full awareness of my body.

After what seemed like a long time I wondered why I haven't made the usual exit - were my thoughts of the process being an illusion somehow stopping the AP from unfolding? I didn't really care much for what was to take place. The vibes cooled down a bit or more like transformed into a tingling energy surge sensation I felt it move down from my head to the back of my neck, slowly down the full length of my spine and then back up again - my immediate thought was 'Wow, this is a sign of Kundalini rising' which was followed by a knowing that even that was an illusion. I found myself in a very nonreactive mode - in fact my only reaction was that whatever was happening is an illusion, no exceptions.

Soon I felt a presence around me and thought it could be a group rather than just an individual - of course out of habit I determined it was an illusion. I could hear something breathing on the back of my neck and it felt masculine - it transformed into a male voice, 2 thoughts that I could hear 'Still' and 'Relax'.

The tingling continued up and down my spine with the added sense of this male presence engulfing me - there was also a sense that this male presence was more within me rather than a separate entity outside of me. Then a most unusual thing happened as the tingling made it's way downward - my anus felt like it was widening followed by a severe cramping feeling. This felt really unpleasant even though deep down I knew it was an illusion I couldn't help but get absorbed by the realness of it. I realized that I could no longer associate myself as a female, nor a male - suddenly I felt completely genderless. There was an eruption of intense sexual arousal - I felt intoxicated.

In a bid to stop that unpleasant cramping I turned around to rest on my back which didn't change anything other than that I began to levitate - about an inch off my bed. I felt completely solid and dense as though I were still in my physical body - I did not dare to open my eyes. I decided I'm not ready for this - it was way too weird no matter how illusory it really was. At about 8:10am I turned to my side and opened my eyes got up with tingling still in my spine. My head nodded involuntarily for a short while - it was as if that involuntary action was dissipating the tingling until I readjusted into normalcy.

Street Roaming

Time: 7:15am
Technique: WBTB (woke up at 5am - listened to hemi-sync & during exercise felt heart & throat chakra sensations)
Mood: Calm
Symptoms: fluttering eyelids, vibrations in head, floating of consciousness, speedy movement
Goals: None

As I turn to my left side, very relaxed I could feel the oncoming of the vibrations. There's a slight physical distraction - I could hear my nephew in the next room crying and almost get up to check on him but refrain from any movement knowing his mother is there.

I close my eyes and my eyelids begin to flutter as the vibrations start to erupt in my head. Now I just notice my bed and the wall and begin to turn slowly anticlockwise - I think I'm heading for the window, since in cases like this that seems to be the routine.

Much to my surprise I head in the other direction towards the room next to mine. I can clearly see my bed but I'm moving so fast that my thoughts have slowed down and I don't even think to see if my body is where I left it.

I'm moving backwards and should I move back any further I would be entering the other room, but I don't. It's like I'm in the same spot with the sensation of moving backwards or my room is stretching. Suddenly I sink with blindness, however I can still feel that I am moving. I can even feel the direction I'm moving in now which is forward.

My vision returns, I'm swooshing across in a large dim living room - there's a large window across the room and I know I'm heading in that direction. As I go through the window blindness returns, but the sensation of moving is present. My vision slowly once again returns. I'm somewhere in a field, it is broad daylight, a nice sunny day. There are different types of vehicles parked. I notice a small cabin, there are bench tables. I can see groups of people about and think I'm in some camp site. Now I'm swooshing by even faster, feeling like a point of consciousness. I seem to have no control of the movement or I'm just so used to not trying to control it. I feel like I'm being carried by the wind, it is a really pleasant feeling.

I've somehow ended up in a street - my vision a lot clearer. I can see groups of people and others just walking by. I focus on a woman wearing a head scarf and suddenly I feel more dense now like I just got inside a body. I can't help but think I've just occupied a body that belongs to someone else. I'm adjusting to ordinary movement but my walking is a little sluggish. I walk up to the woman, excited I ask her for her name. Miraculously she replies although she isn't facing me so I can't tell if her mouth is moving - I think I heard her say something like 'Eku'.

I look up at the buildings and my surroundings wondering where I am, I ask the woman but she starts to walk off.

I spot an elderly woman and approach her hoping she could tell me where I am, but funnily enough she seems to be walking faster than me. Now I think there's no point - I'll have to just look about. Finally I find a street sign that reads 'Lea' a bit short and very easy to remember but there are other small letters I have a hard time focusing on. I feel like I can't stop and pause for too long - vision is getting a bit hazy so I walk on trying to speed up taking in as much as I can.

I can see a bus stop, a lot like the ones in London but a bit older looking. I stop to look for clues but again vision starts to get hazy. I simply continue to walk on.

I observe a variety of buildings. I don't bother to look inside these buildings as I'm focused on the signs. I look up at the signs hoping to see the names of these buildings and any clues (street number, name, telephone numbers anything verifiable). Some I suppose are shops. I notice a particular name 'Vepa' which seems familiar then I notice another name 'Cop' ending with a heart symbol.

I suddenly feel like I'm about to lose consciousness. I need to get up and quickly note down this experience before I forget it completely and with that final thought I return to C-1 at 7:35am.

False Awakening to Reality

I have been experiencing a lot of SP lately during my attempts to AP.

This morning I attempted at 6am but within a few minutes fell asleep. Woke up at 7:30 and decided to try again. I had to focus on relaxing. I felt my face was incredibly tense, especially my eyelids which were tightly sealed causing wrinkles so I let them relax then let my jaw hang loose focusing on the rhythm of my breathing.

Once completely relaxed I almost immediately found myself in the SP state - I'm never really sure what to do during these states other than try to move but I refrained from forcing any movement hoping that eventually it will lead to an AP.

I woke up and felt the sensation of my earphones plugged in my ears. This was strange as I couldn't recall putting on my mp3 player last night. I briefly thought maybe I'm just slightly disoriented since I had just woken up. Eyes closed, still sleepy I reached out to grab the mp3 player on the left side of the bed feeling for it. As I brought it closer to view what I last listened to I was shocked into alertness. I could not see my arms, my hands nor the device that I thought I was holding. However, the bed was visible, my room still existed except for my body. I could feel the sensation of moving my arms. It wasn't long till panic set in. Soon enough I continued having a few more false awakenings each time thinking I had awakened until finally I really woke up at 9am - funnily enough the only time that I decided to do a reality check.

FAs are really interesting and they are usually incredibly vivid. I think they go by unnoticed simply because in the context in which they unfold - in a very familiar physical format. They replicate the physical almost completely and the belief that you have woken up is just as present as when you really do wake up. Perhaps this is why it is easy to be fooled by them and therefore harder to notice the slight variations. Even when sometimes the variable is a missing arm or two it is still a little tricky to realize you're having a false awakening. They don't occur regularly and most likely why I can't seem to recognize it when I'm having one.

Mind Controller

I didn't make any attempt to AP this morning nor am I sure if this was an AP or just a nightmare. The experience unfolded after several vivid dreams where I had moments of lucidity.

Dreaming Of A Mind Controller
The last dream before the AP was about a woman seeking advice regarding her husband from another woman who seemed to be some kind of adviser. It's worth mentioning this dream since I feel it most likely influenced my AP experience.

Suddenly in mid conversation between the women I become aware of my dream state but I don't try to immediately control it. I find myself absorbed in the conversation and realize the advisor isn't exactly speaking in words - she's simply focusing her gaze into the woman's eyes. The other woman seems more mesmerized as though in a hypnotic trance.

The advisor places a sharp long object into the other woman's hand - looks like a knitting needle. At this point I can clearly sense the adviser's message - she has told the woman to use the needle to kill her husband. It was more like she implanted the idea into her mind without the woman's consent.

The woman now equipped with a needle walks down a long staircase with one intention; to kill her husband. I talk to her to snap her out but I feel like I'm just thinking the thoughts, it gets to the point where I'm screaming in my mind for her to snap out of it. Tired with my attempt to awaken her a thought enters my mind - I'm thinking as soon as she steps outside she will snap out of the trance and she did. No longer looking like a mindless zombie, she appeared confused looking out in the traffic probably wondering how she got there.

I feel relieved despite not knowing this woman whether she was a DC or an actual person. Despite it all being a dream I was glad the woman came to her senses. After a few seconds I found myself in the SP state.

Meeting A Mind Controller
During the SP I allow myself to mentally relax knowing I'm about to AP. I become very aware of the window, in the corner there is a black blob at least that was my perception initially. Somehow I'm in a seated position. The dark form changed into a head with long hair - It looked like a partial female figure. She was lingering outside in broad daylight, her head, neck and shoulders were visible. She was almost featureless or it was just hard to see the contours of her face as she looked like a 3d form of a person out of a photo negative.

In a situation like this I'm usually scared, however this time I felt anger. Fragmented thoughts of people who I have had bad experiences with entered my mind. The anger I felt increased in intensity. I reached boiling point, I was consumed by anger so much that ideas of wanting to hurt everyone who had ever caused me emotional pain came automatically. I almost completely forgot about the dark figure next to my window until without warning my body glided in that direction. Another thought entered my mind "You know you want to kill them, just do it!" I willed myself backwards.

I knew at this point that these thoughts weren't mine and snapped back but still felt that anger and rage only this time it was directed at the being outside my window. I felt somehow that whoever or whatever this thing was, it was causing me to feel that anger and rage. As I slowly began returning to C-1 I knew there was a way to deal with a situation like this other than reacting from a state of anger. I think I returned to C-1 (at 5am) as I was becoming fully conscious in the AP.

After some reflecting I have to say this is perhaps the most disturbing experience ever. I've felt anger before towards others but never took it to such an extreme - this was like literally being in the mind of a killer. I wonder what or who that being was next to the window. It seemed to be drawing me towards it and despite it being immobile it seemed to exert control. Was it controlling me? Was it a separate entity / being or just a dark part of my own subconscious that I don't even know about?

Threshold #4 - Color Breathing

Color Breathing uses the resonance of colors to develop the ability in directing physical and nonphysical energy.

The exercise uses the following colors: green for reducing excess or harmful emotional energy; red for increasing physical strength, speed and coordination; purple for restoring and normalizing physical condition.

I started on the exercise last night and I managed to remain conscious until some time after breathing in purple at which point I fell asleep.

Focus 12 progress

One Month Patterning
Practiced the exercise from One Month Patterning about three times with audio – In the first 2 sessions I had lost consciousness at the point where I’m supposed to think, feel, or imagine the physical, mental or emotional desired pattern. The loss of consciousness was like clicking-out but not quite – in both instances I regained consciousness during the end of the track and felt like I was slowly waking up from a deep sleep. I noticed that I was smiling which was not something I did consciously – there was some positive emotion of excitement and joy present – I felt like laughing, but then wondered why which I believe disconnected me from that state.

In the third session I did not experience this pleasant state and I think it was because I was making an effort in remaining conscious throughout the exercise. I’m starting to think even if I am not conscious enough to follow the instructions perhaps I am doing it on a more unconscious/ subconscious level. However, I would like to be more conscious of the states that I enter and be more conscious of the process involved.

I will continue to practice the One Month Patterning exercise now and then. My main goal is to get into a more enhanced state of Focus 12 so that I am able to use these tools more effectively.

I have moved on to the following exercise, 'Threshold #4 - Color Breathing' and I will share my experience with this soon.

Staying Awake & Memory

With more practice I've noticed that inducing astral projections are fairly easy - remembering the details of the experience is the hard part especially a long projection.

For the past two weeks I've been waking up between 3 and 5am almost every day meaning there were that many opportunities to AP. However, staying awake has been difficult - I have been feeling incredibly groggy during these times and unable to stay awake.

My aim for next week when I do wake up during these times is to walk about for a bit to keep me awake. I also intend on listening to 'Develop A Powerful Memory' hypnosis before my AP attempts in order to help remember the experiences with more clarity.

Astral Arms

Time: 7am
Technique: WBTB (woke up at 4:45am), listened to 'Develop a Powerful Memory' hypnosis by Glenn Harrold
Mood: Calm
Symptoms: None
Goals: None

Before this experience I had a question in my mind, something that just suddenly unraveled. I wondered if I had actually lived all those years of my life that is perceived as the past or whether I had just arrived with the memory of those years.

Experience: It first began with some very lucid dreams, they were brief. I would find myself in unfamiliar places realizing that I was dreaming.

Eventually I ended up where I started - in bed. I couldn't see that I was in bed but I perceived that I was still in bed looking out into a large screen that covered my entire field of vision. There was a desert with a woman coming out of a car. She had blonde hair and was wearing a denim jacket and black trousers. I recognized her to be the character Allison Dubois from my favourite TV show Medium. Soon some more short clips unraveled and it seemed like they were from the actual show but I couldn't pinpoint which episodes they were. It wasn't long before I thought how amazing it would be if I could watch the new episodes that have not yet been broadcasted and most likely not even produced yet.

I had lost the perception of being in bed at this point almost as if I was now in these scenes that were flashing by.

Soon I found myself in a familiar place, a familiar memory and at that point I knew I was living some past memory. I can't seem to recall the memory right now only that at the time I tried my very best to memorize it.

The perception of being in bed came back, I noticed a few images in front of me. There was a picture of a green plant with the word touch written underneath. There were more images and more writing but they were not as vivid as the plant. Then I sensed my arms stretching out and then coming in front of me side by side. Both hands in a fist. I couldn't see my arms and hands but knew they were in front of me. They felt very solid I had to question whether I was physically moving them or not. Then I felt my thumbs uncurling followed by the rest of my fingers - one by one in pairs. The motion was very uncontrolled but knowing these movements were benign I went with it.

My arms stretched out again at which point I slowly sensed my actual physical arms, my hands were on my chest - right hand on top of the left. My left astral arm folded onto my chest aligning with my physical left arm followed by my right astral arm folding and aligning with my physical right arm. Almost instantly I opened my eyes and felt my hands on my chest in the exact position I percieved a few seconds ago. Returned to C-1 at 7:15am