August 1, 2009

Sky meets Land

Time: 6am
Technique: WBTB (woke up at 3am)
Mood: Calm
Symptoms: floating, ear vibrations
Goals: None

Prior to this experience at 5am I had a brief exit episode where I felt backward sensation and the view of an office appeared and moving continuously backwards viewing a dining room with a cluttered table. When I snapped out of that one I thought I just had my maximum quota of projecting for the day.

At 6am I closed my eyes to get a few more hours of sleep. Instantly as I heard the sounds produced by the aeroplane passing by my ear drums began to vibrate with such intensity I thought they were going to explode. I tried playing about with the rate at which it was vibrating. I briefly slowed it down just by focusing on the vibration and the uneasy sensation that it produced, but it was still uncomfortable. Suddenly from the corner of my eyes I noticed something. There was a large glassless, frameless window - an open square and through that square I was looking at the sky which was a combination of colours that I could not comprehend - this sky unlike any ordinary sky seemed to be on top of the land beneath it that was just as luminous and vibrant as the sky. Looking at it I was so astonished to be witness to such incredible and indescribable beauty.

At this stage the ear vibrations were completely gone, perhaps because I was marvelling at the grandeur of the sky meeting the land. There seemed to be no distance between the two. The beauty of this view became a bit too much for reasons unknown, I had to avert my glance to make it endurable. I suddenly wept, there were no physical tears it was an inner weeping and I had no idea why. It was an emotion so foreign to me that no emotion ever experienced could come close to describing it - perhaps I can say it was unbearable which might make it sound like it was bad. Quite contrary to that I think it was a positive emotion but I just did not have the capacity to hold on to it.

The emotion was unmercifuly growing stronger and no averting my eyes helped - it would persist whether I dared to look or not. Now I wanted out, looking for an escape that seemed nowhere to be found. My vision was engulfed with a sudden darkness at which point the foreign emotion became stronger. I cried even harder and I could hear the sound of my crying which I believe finally snapped me out of that state where back in the physical a milder version of the emotion was present as if it were slowly shutting down. The time was 6:05 am.

At about 7am I tried to make up for some much needed sleep, had an interesting episode of SP. I managed to lift my left arm but noticed that I now had two left arms both looked physical, one was in the original position from where I raised it and the other was positioned to the point I raised it to. The original arm slowly began to vanish - the same thing happened with my right arm. It was unlike double vision, there was no haziness it was as clear as viewing my both arms right now. I think this might have been due to my brain slowing down and taking time to wipe out the memory of where I originally moved it from - quite amazing to watch how the brain functions. It has to make one wonder though, is the body really there, are the things that we see really there or are they just stored up memories continuously and consistently repeating?

After this SP I had an FA where I got out of bed to the bathroom. I got the toothbrush ready and in the instant that I looked at the mirror staring at a stranger standing next to me with a smug look on his face I screamed myself awake back into the SP state and then to C-1 at 7:15am.

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