July 29, 2009

My latest meditations

The past few weeks the way I meditate has changed drastically. I noticed that my previous meditations were very systematic and very supressive. I have recognized that I have been continuously trying to control every new obstacle that popped up, first it was thoughts, then it was some bodily sensation and soon enough the spontaneous movements came out of nowhere and I would try to look for a solution by trying to understand what it was in the first place so that I could control it.

In the first week I refined my meditation method a great deal - though I had stopped focusing on my breathing I started chanting mantras to help quiet my mind. In every session it seemed I was trying to improve the method. I did a search on google looking for easy meditation techniques until I started reading about Jiddu Krishnamurti who offers the easiest method of meditation which is actually no method at all. His thoughts on what meditation is not has made a lot of sense in that you sort of uncover what it really is. So lately in my meditations I've just been watching thoughts pass by instead of trying to control it, I just observe on what is. To be more specific I observe my attention which seems to travel from one thing to another. The first thing my attention is focused on is usually a thought, then it would move to an external sound and so on.

What makes meditation easy isn't the application of a technique or method but the basic understanding and seeing for yourself that there is more control of the meditation (imposing your will on it) rather than allowing meditation to move freely. You have to really let go of all the ideas you hold about meditation.

Amazingly I have meditated under extremely noisy conditions and I have done so through no effort, relaxation seems to occur naturally. I now get into a much more deeper state by simply letting go, however there is the case of spontaneous movements of my arms and hands. It seems everything about meditation is spontaneous. These movements are quite startling because they happen so suddenly and they seem to be intelligently controlled. In one session my fingers on the right hand slowly curled into a fist, in another session several fingers in sync with both hands curled. The most startling incident was when I wasn't meditating instead I tried falling asleep. I rested my right hands on my solar plexus. After just a few seconds my right arm spontaneously glided to rest on my side, after the initial shock I put my hands back on my solar plexus and a few seconds later my arm again was swiftly placed by my side. It was only after the third instance that I was scared out of my wits and just gave in leaving my right arm to rest by my side.

Chakra sensations are even more noticeable especially the heart chakra which feels like a heavy weight on my chest, after one session of meditation I felt like my chest was being crushed. At the time I felt like I might be having a heart attack, of course I learnt later that the crushing sensation is a symptom of a heart attack but seems to be associated with pain which I did not feel. The sensation slowly dissipated once I stopped focusing on it. Another sensation that has become more pronounced since my spine tingling episodes is localized at the base of the spine - it feels like a rapid pulsing.

Spine tingles - 2nd episode

On the 18th July I had another spine tingling episode only there was more commotion than the first time and I was a lot more reactive. I went to bed at 1am. Suddenly I became aware of an electrifying energy movement in my back and an intense movement in my spine - I couldn't be certain in which direction it was moving, it seemed to be moving in all direction. Honestly I could not analyze my situation since it was far too startling but I had thought that it must be really late right now - maybe 4ish am, I seem to be accustomed to strange things happening after 4am.

The sensation in my back felt like little electrifying critters swimming about and there was a strange cramp in my solar plexus - the cramping itself did not hurt just felt unusual. I was lying down on my front holding the pillows tightly trying to regain control. As I tried to get up the force had an even stronger grip. This unforeseen force seemed to have an agenda of its own. A sort of communication from an unknown source came forth in the form of a pamphlet - I could clearly read the words written on the front page - they were blocks of sentences. I read the word ascetic in one sentence and tired to remember what it meant - in another sentence there was the word sanity. I can only recall these particular words. I had a feeling this was related to Kundalini Awakening and strangely I knew there were no words written on this pamphlet because there was no pamphlet, I was interpreting all this with my mind with the knowledge that it has acquired.

I knew I was experiencing this on a physical level, it was certainly much more dramatic than anything I've experienced astrally. A sudden sense of loss washed over me and I had this feeling that I was about to lose something and immediately the people that I am closest to came to mind. With the feeling of impending doom I struggled to get up, an enormous amount of effort was required until I broke the spell at which point the energetic movement in my back came to a halt. I felt different, far too light to be physical and then the spinning occurred, this time it was the room that was spinning. I finally snapped out, lying down on my front. It ended at 1:30am, I was surprised because I felt that some few hours passed by until I became aware of the sudden sensations.

July 10, 2009

The Eagle Dream

I had a very intriguing eagle dream this morning that seemed to have left a great impression on my mind as I woke up.

My two younger sisters and a cousin are messing around with some of their perfumes in my bedroom. My cousin is holding a perfume bag and reads the inscription 'Use with any other perfume'. She begins to say how she was right as she had kept going on about this particular perfume and how it needed to be used with another perfume.

I wondered at this particular point whether she has any idea why it needs to be used with another perfume so I begin to explain. I tell her it's an enhancer, that the perfume in that bottle is odourless and when you use that and then apply another perfume it enrichens the smell and keeps it lasting longer. Now - in reality I've never heard of a perfume enhancer or know whether such a thing exists.

She seems to be at a lost how I have more knowledge about this perfume than she does since I absolutely hate perfumes. I begin to wonder myself and I think at this point I almost woke up within the dream.

They start spraying several kinds of perfumes all over and before it hits my sense of smell I go open the window. As I open it there is a great eagle, the most gigantic bird I've ever seen make it's way in my direction looking straight at me. At first I'm in awe but panic as it gets closer and quickly close the window. It turns and flies through the window of my home office. Now I panic even more and make my sisters and cousin panic because it's in my house. I grab the phone and wonder who I'm supposed to call, the RSPCA, the police maybe.

Upon reflecting on this dream I realize it is highly symbolic of something and I've been looking up on eagles in terms of spirituality. Discovered that in Shamanism the eagle totem represents spiritual healing among other things.

Article on the eagle totem
More on animal totems

Meditation - Learning Equanimity & The Monkey Mind

I started meditating for the past several days without any goals or expectations, perhaps there is that underlying goal of connecting with the Source of everything we perceive here. For the time being I've put Hemi-Sync programs on hold.

For the first few sessions I've been mostly losing consciousness during meditation. When I did snap back to consciousness and end the session I felt really light headed and incredibly spacey. I also felt energy rushing in my arms. Whenever I concentrate on my breathing now I feel a pressure between my brows, even when I'm not meditating but just focus on my breathing.

Yesterday during a meditation session I felt several symptoms that seem like signs of Kundalini rising, at first there were a few chakra sensations which was followed by something swarming about in my back. I heard and felt my heart thumping loud and some tightness in my chest. This was followed by an electric like sensation all over my lower back, that particular area felt like it was heating up. There was also some tingling sensation in my legs which showed up as I ended the session.

In another session yesterday I had a most enlightening experience. At about 7pm it was extremely difficult to quiet my mind - it was rampant with incessant thoughts. I thought I had overcome this but it had been proven otherwise. I applied some equanimity and just observed my thoughts in a detached non-judgemental way. It was a long process but eventually I noticed my irrelevant thoughts that seemed to be overlayed with another mode of thoughts which seemed like it had a mind of its own - this other mode of thoughts was trying to shut up my monkey mind, all the while I was the observor of the two. It was like having three people in the same room, two of them arguing and the third person just passively observing them.

July 5, 2009

The Illusions of Kundalini

The Illusion
The past two weeks I have made a very radical shift. After a question and answer session with myself about the nature of reality and how I can enhance or even speed the creation and manifestation process whilst I'm having this human experience - the basic answer and somehow I knew it before it came out, was that reality is an illusion. Because it's an illusion there is no need to change it, or enhance or improve it.

This led to looking into teachings that have the same school of thought and I have come across some interesting mind altering material - I'll write about this another time.

What I've been doing the past few days is attempting to looking at my reality (the experiences that unfold, whether they're good or bad, subtle or intense) as an illusion. This means that all the techniques I use, all the ideas and beliefs I have are not real and this includes astral projections and dreams everything you can possibly perceive within this reality. I have to admit understanding this is really mind boggling.

Illusions can be Spine Tingling
This morning I woke up at 5:30am, there was a slight problem, slight because I was able to immediately see it as an illusion. After a short while of the problem settling down perhaps just serving it's purpose (assisting in my awakening) I began to realize how I can't use APs to figuring out the mysteries of life or using it to explore who I really am. There is no method within this reality that can lead me to the Truth, to that which is an illusion. So I surrendered, nothing was needed to be done at least I know I can't do anything from the perspective that the doing will yield results because that idea itself is an illusion. So I left it to the greater part of me to guide me and that I will just go with the flow.

At 7:15 am I felt inspired to meditate which is about the only tool I can seem to use because it's the one practice with which I have no goals attached to. I seem to have no expectations with meditation.

As I focused on the natural rhythm of my breathing, had to shift my position so that I was lying on my front but still focusing on my breathing. Eventually the vibrations erupted in my head followed by high pitch sound travelling into my right ear - I could clearly feel the sensation of the sound. I reminded myself that it was an illusion. Overlayed with the high pitch sound was the sound of an aeroplane - how convenient I thought just when I'm about to AP realizing that even that was an illusion as are the symptoms preceding it. These vibrations were somewhat different I think mostly because I still had full awareness of my body.

After what seemed like a long time I wondered why I haven't made the usual exit - were my thoughts of the process being an illusion somehow stopping the AP from unfolding? I didn't really care much for what was to take place. The vibes cooled down a bit or more like transformed into a tingling energy surge sensation I felt it move down from my head to the back of my neck, slowly down the full length of my spine and then back up again - my immediate thought was 'Wow, this is a sign of Kundalini rising' which was followed by a knowing that even that was an illusion. I found myself in a very nonreactive mode - in fact my only reaction was that whatever was happening is an illusion, no exceptions.

Soon I felt a presence around me and thought it could be a group rather than just an individual - of course out of habit I determined it was an illusion. I could hear something breathing on the back of my neck and it felt masculine - it transformed into a male voice, 2 thoughts that I could hear 'Still' and 'Relax'.

The tingling continued up and down my spine with the added sense of this male presence engulfing me - there was also a sense that this male presence was more within me rather than a separate entity outside of me. Then a most unusual thing happened as the tingling made it's way downward - my anus felt like it was widening followed by a severe cramping feeling. This felt really unpleasant even though deep down I knew it was an illusion I couldn't help but get absorbed by the realness of it. I realized that I could no longer associate myself as a female, nor a male - suddenly I felt completely genderless. There was an eruption of intense sexual arousal - I felt intoxicated.

In a bid to stop that unpleasant cramping I turned around to rest on my back which didn't change anything other than that I began to levitate - about an inch off my bed. I felt completely solid and dense as though I were still in my physical body - I did not dare to open my eyes. I decided I'm not ready for this - it was way too weird no matter how illusory it really was. At about 8:10am I turned to my side and opened my eyes got up with tingling still in my spine. My head nodded involuntarily for a short while - it was as if that involuntary action was dissipating the tingling until I readjusted into normalcy.