September 17, 2012

SP experience, Latest Dreams, Body Detox

The Shadow Legs and Morphed Room
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.

The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.

I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
 The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.

Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?

September 10, 2012

Nightmares and Bodily Changes

Family gatherings make me physically and emotionally drained, fortunately it is not as bad as it used to be due to some changes. Generally I don't do too well in a crowded environment. I don't think it has to do with the number of people I am around but the kind of people I am around. I wonder maybe it is that I have become far too sensitive that with this new found sensitivity I am seeing too deeply into others around me and often I allow it to influence certain emotions. Due to recent stress I have given into bad eating habits. I feel this stress may never end - the same stress in a different guise will eventually apear.

For a while I have had copious amounts of pinworms appearing suddenly and according to what I read about detoxing, sudden onset of pinworm activity is often a sign of parasite die off. They also look to be getting weaker. Lately I feel something has been stuck in my throat and many times I have awoken middle of the night feeling as though I choked in my sleep. My sister has told me that last night she heard me snore which is something that stopped for a long time until recently when I actually heard myself snore. Also she heard me chewing as though I were eating make sucking sounds and warned me that maybe I'm doing that 'teeth grinding' thing I do in my sleep but I think it may be something a little different - only the body at this stage knows what its doing. A tooth pains in the back when chewing food which may be from experimenting eating mahonias - bad idea some were too sour and one actually caused a bad reaction I thought my teeth were just about to fall out. The pain is slowly wearing off. Just to be on the safe side I need to start wearing mouth guard.

The body still moves involuntarily and I have given it some more time to carry out the movements. At the moment movement is focused on head region and neck area - sometimes body wants to arch backwards and when the arching is too far back my neck and spine hurt - I never allow the movement to force or push itself to the point where I feel some damage can occur. The head swaying is pleasant and sometimes there is a rush of sensational passionate feelings. Last night before I went to sleep the pressure was on the physical body, there was a throbbing and the entire feeling was of two bodies connecting. Did not let the sexual intensity take over, observed and somehow fell asleep.

Resident Evil Boss Nightmare
Last night I had a dream where I was in a resident evil game, me and another player are killing a boss - the giant boss is walking towards us around a circular platform with slow but long scary strides and I recall pointing the gun at the boss but the damage is minimal. There is a car that at times seems to be circling around us and I get the thought 'I have to shoot the car and cause an explosion as soon as the boss is in close proximity.' Something goes wrong and the burning car is flung at me and the other player and I know it is about to be game over but there's no fear - I know there's gonna be another round. It was at this point I woke up. Still dark out, I felt the time might be 4 or 5 am but it was just after midnight.

Shocking Cat Nightmare
Lately nightmarish dreams are very vivid and I wake from them at this time. In another nightmare I recall  being in some kind of maze with walls and ceilings. Felt trapped. My brothers cat is running around this maze, it looked scary and very disturbing almost as if it were electrocuted some kind of grusomeness forming from cat targeting me. I also had someone in my arms, recollection of this is hazy but it was either my eldest sister who was here for the hols or my nephew. I was holding the person trying to soothe and comfort all the while myself suffering the shock from the beastly cat. I had this feeling of being some kind of compartment, that my body was mechanical and it needed to go through a certain mechanical operation and I was dreading it. The two people in the dream whether it was my sister or nephew may be symbolic of stress because that is their current condition in physical waking life.