The Silent Watcher

Last night slept late exhausted conked out instantly. I have been sweating a lot past few days in sleep may be as a result of the weather change, exchanged duvet for something lighter - no sweating which may have helped me have a really relaxed sleep.

Before I write about last nights experience there was another experience on Sat 1st April. Early morning I had the perception someone was sitting to my right side on bed, communicating with me. Their form was changing. In the midst of this there was something magnetic swooshing about from out of the physical body which I was aware of, felt like another light yet solid body coming out of this physical body.

Eventually the form that was sitting beside me changed to the form of my sister and for a moment I thought it was my form. Sis was on holiday and due to arrive that afternoon, realizing this the form slowly disappeared but I was amazed and startled how solid and vivid the form looked. Perception dimmed and snapped out of the trance.

Last night or perhaps early morning  not sure what time, but it was still dark out at that time. In a scene a woman or a genderless looking person was kissing me innocently. The feel of it was very solid, suddenly the kiss became sensual and it was a little too real, again like in other experience I was startled. Then a face started to appear, almost looked drawn out. I had an experience similar to this in the past which is in a journal entry on this blog, can't find it right now. In the experience there were two faces of young men looking down at me whilst moving about and calling an elder over urgently. I was seeing them through closed eyelids, it was like they were on the ceiling looking down at me but at the same time they were a part of the closed eyelids coming through the flesh, very close.

This mornings face wasn't a familiar face, his eyes deep and penetrating. He remained absolutely still. I simply stared back not really trying to make sense from it just curious.

Can't recall what happened beyond this.

Another experience I had recently, felt like my body was having sexual intercourse and I was certain there was a couple somewhere and somehow my body had become an antenna where it picks up these motions and sensory perception. I am not entirely convinced but it seems to make sense since I have had experiences where I had found my awareness embedded in areas of other bodies.

Forehead pulsing something being done here.

Levitation

Woke at 3:15am. From yesterday I have been having digestive issues, some cramps present, sharp pains in what I think may be the kidneys, the cramping tightening were present when I awoke. Did a bit of studying since it was hard to fall asleep - eventually when I did doze off I could still feel the cramps. Still awake and alert I felt I was rising got a clear look around and realized that I was probably about 3 to 4 feet above my bed. Closed eyes wanting to remain there but I could still feel cramping and what felt like my bowels opening. Opened eyes again still wondering if I was in some astral from or actually physically levitating - I was more certain of the latter. I felt very solid. There was some sexual urges present. Mother nature was calling - had to empty bowel or something would explode. Slowly the body was settling back down on the bed. When I opened eyes fully some kind of wave was pulsing in my head. I was disappointed not being able to explore this state further, it was unlike an astral projection experience but I can't be certain that it was definitely physical body that was levitating.

Sweet Song explains Misery

Last night I was quite miserable, feeling lonely on a planet filled with 7 billion people. The feelings just came suddenly without pondering how alone I really was. And now even though I see faces everywhere and I know that this entire universe is made of combination of all kinds of living entities I feel even lonelier.

I pretty much cried to sleep unable to even recall the incident.

Woke at 3ish am completing a few chores, back to bed falling asleep I at some stage heard a light snore perhaps heavy breathing. Then I knew body was asleep but felt very much awake with new body. I was located in my room or a room somehwere and then heard the song 'Ishq Bina' and was excited. It was incredible because I was humming to the same song only 3 days ago I don't think I even selected the song it just came to my mind all of a sudden. Then hearing it this morning and then trying to remember all the words and translating them it seems that the message arrived with excellent timing.

General Update

Extraordinary phenomenas are becoming extra ordinary, so much that I barely take note of these incidents.

As I wrote in my previous post I do not get interrupted in the middle of sleep anymore which really is a good thing but only downside being that I don't get that many opportunities to project and broken sleep had helped in the past, then again I really haven't been bothered - too preoccupied.

However upon waking up in the mornings there is that same energy all around vibrating, pulsating and moving and it is at these moments or when I am relaxing that the energy is intense. This energy vibe goes on 24 hours and is right now fluttering in peripheral vision and if I stay still for a while it amplifies.

Haven't meditated for like ever. It feels impossible I don't know if it is because I just have too much going on right now but I hope to start adding in some time for meditation.

Haven't dared touch Salvia for some time and the thought of doing a session had crossed my mind 2 or 3 times, the timing did not feel right.

Lately I have needed to seriously loosen the physical body and have been dancing a lot - got to a point where if I didn't dance I would become so miserable, and the thought of dancing lifted up my mood as well as some chocolate. Sometimes in the middle of dancing I would pause and remain still where I allow some of the involuntary movements - the body would move as if still dancing but not under my control - something else is definitely controlling these movements, the parts of the body? souls/spirits? energies? honestly I am clueless in this regard however I don't mind it at all - in fact I know I have to do this 'allow 'it' to move the body' as often as I can almost like I have to let it run it's course.

The "High-Light" of Life

After my previous Salvia session I was extremely hungry - my mind was rampant with everything I could possibly eat, but I ended up sleeping on it.

Woke up 4am and I ate a vege soup with some rice - I never ever eat at this time but I think I was feeling metaphorically empty and translated that as hunger.

Back in bed tried to relax several times until at some point I witnessed a red light in the screen of my closed eye lids. I thought maybe I left the salt lamp on which has a red ambient glow but it was turned off. I looked to my right and it seemed wherever my gaze fell this red light was there and I saw faces of several beings. Closed my eyes not paying much attention. Some movement briefly took place in the ear canals and I started to hear an inner voice making some kind of sound - pronouncing words in an unspoken language yet there was an echo.

I continued to relax fell into a dream that was similar to circumstances that took place yesterday. Had to clean cat poop from my garden which I was pissed off about. In the dream I see poop on one side of the garden my reaction is a little different - I solved this same problem on the other side and now I just need to implement same solution here. I go in the house, brothers cat runs out and I stamp my feet expressing some agitation cursing the cat. She pisses on the side of the tiles avoiding the plants - I feel bad and at the same time amazed that she listened to me.

I continue playing out other scenarios related to this physical existence. Then I realize that there is a voice narrating a story - I was all this time living the story as it was being told. The voice in unspoken words carried on - telling me about the many lives it had lived until it eventually got to a point where through some process it ended everything - meaning all it's worries and all of that pertaining to earthly existence. It told me that a being emerged - as this happened there was a faint glowing light getting brighter right before me. Like a blossoming flower it was unfolding and there were showers of light, I was heavily transfixed on each droplet. It was so beautiful I almost burst into tears but held it back intrigued with this story. But there was only so much I could hold back, I turned away and opened my physical eyes and then finally allowing the tears to flow out. Never have I witnessed anything so beautiful....

There were several sparks of brain orgasms as I opened eyes. The voice was faintly there and finally I recognised the narrator of this story. It was some version of my Self, the light being was a version of my Self and I am a version of this same Self.

Self-enquiry

Have been reading a lot of material on Ramana Maharishi - though I had read about the method of self-enquiry I never quite understood it - it all seemed so trivial to me. However, I focused on simply observing any thoughts that came but this did not last long. Only recently I have been so drawn to his teachings that when I read thoroughly how to go about self-enquiry I couldn't believe how something that is now so simple was once so trivial. The method could be summed up in one sentence. Follow the 'I' thought back to its source simply by asking 'who am I?' each time a thought arises. According to Maharishi the 'I' thought is the root of all thoughts - past few days from personal observation on thoughts I have found that the 'I' is indeed the root of all thoughts.



Past few days enquiring has been so easy that the question has started to arise naturally with the majority of thoughts that pop up so much that I wake up from sleep questioning 'who am I?'



Another thing that has occured is that dreams have become more vivid yet they are completely irrelevant to the quest for Self. Last night as I fell asleep something appeared pierced in the field of vision - a black hole and I was able to see a familiar face, carried on with self-enquiry focusing on the feeling of 'I'. Entered a normal dream state and from there became steadily lucid and asking the questions in the intervals.

Faith and Commands

I have been just pondering now, faith and how it applies to everything.

So what is faith? Faith is when there's no doubt. We have great faith when moving the body. There is a command to move the arm and instantly according to what speed you require arm moves. I want to raise my arm and there is no doubt that I can move it.

Have you noticed when moving your body the commands are so fast you're not even aware just when you thought to move it or the specifics of that thought (meaning direction and speed of movement). And if you stop for a while to recall the thought which really was the command to move an arm or anything else it would be hard to capture it fully.

Perhaps the only reason why we cannot move mountains is simply because we don't have as much faith in the possibility of that as we do in the movement of our bodies. We have absolute faith in body movement and that same absolute faith is necessary for other external changes.

There are the other commands, the commands which result in spontaneous movement. In my case since exploring with Salvia spontaneous movements have increased to a greater degree. If I let go, the movements occur and the more relaxed I am the more stronger I can feel them. Recently there have been hip movements and turning around almost being directed to go in circles. I wonder whose commands are these, higher self? God?

I know it is possible to do things that would be considered a miracle here - but in that other place that is seen with that other perception there is nothing to it.

I want to try a few experiments on this but cannot until I've grasped exactly the commands that I'm using now. Like right now I'm using all sorts of commands, firstly the brain was programmed a long time ago with touch typing skill, so I'm using that skill. There are the secondary mind audible thoughts (voice in head) thinking each word to be written. Very complex stuff going on just writing this down.

Lots of Updates

I have been writing down a lot of my experiences in a notebook as it's easier than waiting till later and relaying everything here - the time lapse between experience and relaying is very important and yet even later upon recall I realize a few essentials get missed out.

The previous experiences that I have not written about took place between 5th March and 13th April. I'll be posting a few at a time in the next few days - there's over 10 new posts.

The Shamanic Schizophrenic

An incredibly enlivening view on schizophrenia

A Lesson In Creation

Since my last two experiences I can see how these entities have always been around - and to think that I'm a very private person when there is no such thing as privacy. We are never alone.

This entire fabric of reality is weaved with living life essence contained within every detail - excluding nothing. We the human are like the embroidered parts - our pattern is more complex and created after nature. Even before the Earth there were other patterns - the humans arrived a bit later no doubt after much thought. Everything animate - inanimate is a vehicle - a cubicle for each entity.

These entities are everywhere that I cannot even sleep without feeling their presence - even in my dreams I'm aware of them.

I also had an interesting dream this morning where some fear that I still hold is challenged - will write this up in next post.

This morning after I woke up from fear dream - I was being taught in my sleep state (where I also felt awake within this reality - could be some kind of simulation) how to mould and reconstruct reality - which simply means a destruction of some old structures. They are helping me to direct my thoughts into thinking of the creative result and then applying myself energetically through thoughts and restructuring which is in a sense replacing something. Now I know exactly what Krishnamurti meant to die to everything and how creation is destruction - creation destroys everything in its wake. But we humans understand destruction as an end to life, an end that is a loss. A destruction that is creation itself.

Interpreting Natural Disasters

I have been so fascinated by all the faces that I am seeing everywhere - I mean everywhere even the smudges of a door handle.

I decided to google lots of images of various sceneries of nature etc and wow!

Decided to look up images of natural disasters. Checked out hurricanes and came across Hurricane Katrina - which absolutely fascinated me.

Here's the original image:

Source: Nasa Earth Observatory


Here's the image outlining two of the characters:


To the left is an image of a little man or a boy - to the right is a woman with an interesting permed up hairdo (the hair seems to be made of all kinds of faces). Inside the woman is a big face.

Woke up from a dream where I was higher up in the sky looking down and on Earth or some planet seeing the face of a woman - there was some message in it that I couldn't decipher - woke up at 4am from this dream with a headache and aches in left ear like I might have slept in an awkward position where my ear was bent.

I think there's another way to look at natural disasters, we should learn to interpret their meaning - maybe there's something in the bigger picture?

More Earth Changes

These aren't predictions, more like calculations of what is likely to occur meaning the formula can change therefore changing the outcomes. So here's what I manage to get:

Lands are going to literally split, creating sections of islands*(earthquakes)
Lands will submerge under water
Major earthquakes and possibly tsunamis in places where they rarely occur (never been recorded)*
Mass reduction in population - through widespread disease*
Floods in cities

*most likely to occur this year

Every little change no matter how subtle or intense has a ripple effect, we can learn to read these ripples therefore calculate what will result from the change.

Change Is Good News

I have been very aware of global news lately, mostly what has caught my attention is the drastic changes in weather, occurrence of earthquakes and floods. It seems the Earth is peaking in its detoxification.

I think many will take on the apocalyptic view of these changes especially after the recent news of mass animal deaths - which does paint a very end of the world kind of scene. This will be the view of those who are resistant to the changes - they will carry with them in these changes a lot of fear and this fear energy will be their fuel and reflect in their individual world. Then there is another view - one that is synonymous to the purpose of the Kundalini energy in the physical human body. I do prefer the latter view but it is not a simple matter of taste, for me it is fact as I see the energy working within me paving the way for a new birth I see the likeness of it on the Earth getting ready for renewal. I'm sure there are plenty of others going through K awakening who can feel that the earth also is going through a K awakening.

The cleansing is happening in all stages - levels that are hard to understand until we view it in its entirety.

Systems will be dying off - the biggest system that has tied down mankind to slavery is going to have its own death. We know this as the monetary system. I think this is one of the feelings that I've been getting which has de-motivated my business plans - any business plan is really money oriented and mine is no different. The economy is going bust and when that happens it is no longer about 'What do I want?' but more about 'What do I need?'. Most of the essential things that we need are free - air, water and mother nature's many gifts.

This brings me back to weather - what happens to the economy of a majorly developed country when it snows for days on end, or there is a major flood? The economy slows down, profit margins become alarmingly low, and many companies end up blaming the freak weather for it. What they don't see is the written word in the changes, they don't hear the voice in the elements - Earth and its many cells are being rewritten. The outcome will be poetry of unimaginable beauty and grace.

Neti Cleansing

My intention was to start with the neti cleansing last month - but it has been so overwhelming attempting to do so many things when I have so much other things going on.

Other things that I have incorporated into daily habits are so far going well which include drinking plenty of water, 5 tibetans, hemi-sync (since I am having difficulty meditating) etc. I am drinking up to 2lt filtered water per day - while I'm adjusting to this I have no idea how people drink more than this.

Yesterday I started my first neti cleanse - it was a wonderful experience. It was funny at first watching water squirt out of one nostril - at the end of the comical stunt my breathing improved so much it was no longer a laughing matter. A while after this my right eye rolled so that the pupil was almost touching the corner next to my nose - it wasn't scary but a little alarming.

Listened to hemi-sync and there were a lot of muscular spasms and very deep contractions particularly in right leg. I think the neti cleansing is allowing a deeper intake of prana. Will continue with neti cleansing.

Hit By A Car

...well, almost. It was so very close.

I did not really want to include this in a post and have no idea why I'm doing so now, a nagging desire to have it in writing for reasons unknown.

It happened after the Killer Beings experience in September. My youngest sister made me watch something on youtube - it was this really twisted clip of two friends pulling a prank on another friend. The prank doesn't go exactly the way it was intended. The person they pulled the prank ended up running out the house screaming on the road and instantly hit by a car.

I was angry at my sister for showing it to me, I so completely wanted the image erased out of my mind as it left me so disturbed. I've watched plenty of horror movies and nothing has left me as disturbed as that clip had. Deep down I had this feeling this was their way of telling me how I will be aborted - I am referring to the Beings from the Killer Beings experience.

You might at this point think I'm really paranoid, superstitious and just plain mad. I thought so too until about 30 or 40 minutes later I got a glance at the TV, my other sister was watching some spoof comedy. There was a scene - female character on the road not unlike the youtube character, in a heartbeat she is hit by a car, several times. I felt so incredibly sick to my stomach.

I knew I had to be cautious when crossing roads but I thought maybe I'm completely overlooking this - trying to make something out of nothing. Two days later out shopping, having no idea how it happened I almost got hit by a car, a van actually. I was halfway across the road and knew in that instant that if I tried to carry on running the van would surely hit me. So I stopped and the van braked hard immediately just a few inches from where I stood. After an embarrassing glance and deep sigh off I went acting as if nothing major happened.

It reminds me of an incident that occurred in my teens which I have been unable to explain to myself but found a possible explanation from another site (click here to read).

I was about 15 at the time. One day after school headed home, I was at the crossing waiting for the walk sign. All I recall is one minute staring at the light, hearing distant sirens and the next minute the sensation of someone pulling me back. A middle aged woman pulled me back, she asked if I was okay. It took me time to realize what happened. I almost got hit by speeding police cars and every pedestrian present were staring at me as if I was mad, the strange thing was I could not recall crossing the road. I was certain that I did not cross the road. It was like I completely zoned out and whatever moved my body was not me or at least I was not conscious of moving myself.

Knitting Insights

When I knit something begins to happen - I am not talking about a relaxed state of mind but a kind of charge of thoughts revealing something that I get in the moments of knitting but cannot hold onto and later recall.

What I can say for the time being is that knitting, weaving a pattern is synonymous to creation. After creating a big swatch and then unravelling the stitches - this is synonymous to destruction, for some reason I get a wonderful sense of elation during this process. It is interesting because I have found through this process that destruction doesn't mean 'the end' - it is simply a part of a fresh new beginning. I think the physical reality we percieve is weaved in the same way and unravelled in the same manner as knitted stitches, but the thread is always there to be weaved.

Ausome Water - Delayed Reviews

I took some Ausome water about a week ago for two consecutive days. Each day a few minutes after sipping on 500ml water with 20 drops Ausome water I had a few familiar sensations (tingling etc) which I have been having since K awakening. Each time however there was a distinctive sharp pain near my left knee spreading outwards up and down in left leg.

I feel Ausome water would be a lot more effective with consistent use, however haven't really found enough time to do this so I am taking it whenever I can free up some time.

Ausome Water - Deeper Healing

This time I used 10 drops of ausome in 16oz filtered water. Sipped a bit, no immediate effect. Slowly sipped 8oz of the water and felt like taking a nap. Prior to this I made a wheat milk because my wheat sprouts came out too long and disgustingly sweet - flavoured it and mixed water then took a few sips and after that I was feeling nauseous.

When sipping the ausome I was waiting to throw up - decided to take a nap to help me forget that sick taste left in my mouth.

During the nap I felt pulsing surges in my hands and legs - there was definitely deeper work being done. I flinched several times during the pulses of energy surging. After an hour of napping I felt great - the sick taste was almost completely gone.

The Light and Arabic Songs

I woke up at 4am from a dream where I'm in a public toilet and a man is peeping through some gap and toilet paper is made of plastic and dipped in water. I yell at the man which wakes me up.

I couldn't sleep until 6am, closed my eyes and my awareness changed when I opened them again. There were furniture where they did not belong. Suffering from some memory loss I was trying to remember what my room looked like. I could feel something was very different. I close my eyes and a few minutes later I felt a presence so I opened them again. There was a spark of white light to my left. I moved only my eyes to get a look at it - the light stretched out into a ribbon in front of me, as this occurred the brightness intensified. Then it swooshed up near the top of my head where I felt a presence lurking. Rolled my eyes up to see it but didn't get very far because my brain was being surged with some electric currents.

Suddenly I hear an Arabic song being played with the word 'Allahu' being repeated and then another song with the word 'Habibi' being repeated. I can't recall if the voice was feminine or masculine, maybe because I just couldn't tell since there was no indication of any gender. The songs were beautifully sung and mesmerising.

I know Allahu is derived from word 'Allah' which is basically the Islamic version of 'God'. When I thought what 'Habibi' might mean the word 'Beloved' came to mind. I knew that the songs were trying to clue me in about what was happening but what I couldn't understand is the Arabic format. I do have some background in the Arabic language since my mum tried to raise me as a muslim (which did not work out the way she expected). For a good part of my youth I had to learn this language - the way I was taught was very absurd. I learnt how to connect the letters and read arabic words but was not taught the meaning of the words so I ended up reading dead empty words.

After this incident with the light I slipped into a dream state where I'm looking in the mirror with an array of spots on my forehead - I know this is a sign that I'm detoxing. Then I look at my left eye, there is a big sore red spot on the white part that scares me so much that I actually book an appointment to see the doc - something I haven't done in several years.
I end up in the hospital, there's a female doctor she prescribes me something for the eyes. I get the medicine but decide to leave it as a backup and see if the spot goes away without it. A few days pass by and it's cured I go tell the doctor about this - she tells me 'still, it could be infected' but I don't buy it and happily walk away.

I should note here last night I prayed as I fell asleep, something I do randomly - I felt a really deep emptiness and I asked God if it were possible to fall asleep and never have to wake up again.

Ausome Water Review

The ausome water arrived today. I got excited when unpacking, I guess because I've been waiting for this for 2 weeks. In 16oz filtered water I used 5 drops of ausome water and sipped a glass of it - did not feel anything. Maybe I need to drink it slowly. Added two more drops. There were tiny tingles here and there but that is something that I've gotten used to so I'm not sure if it was the ausome.

After about 30 minutes I noticed my surrounding was inflating just a slight bit. Then nothing really - I think it might be that I was either expecting too much from it or simply did not know what to expect.

I do think maybe the reason why I did not notice any particular change was simply because I had a big feast for lunch or it could be that it is working on some deeper level. Perhaps this will work better on an empty stomach. Also I used only 5 drops in the 16oz water as written on the bottle whereas on the site the recommendation for beginners is 10 drops.

There is something I should mention, since drinking this water I've been peeing a lot - I have read about another user having had this same effect. Now I generally need to make many trips to the bathroom since I drink a lot of water but this time it was so much more within short gaps of time. Also the colour of my urine was very clear each time which is not common for me until later in the evening.

I did pray before consuming the water for effective healing - I realize now after trying this why I felt the impulsion to get it in the first place and the main factor is healing - the healing of the physical, psychic, emotional, spiritual, mental and subtle bodies.