September 26, 2009

Drill #3

Woke up at about 4am, after that time it was impossible to sleep.

At 7am tried to get at least an hour of sleep. I almost fell asleep until there was a startling noise of clattering pans. I was not bothered investigating this and just put it down to auditory hallucination because the sound was unusually loud as if it was coming from somewhere in my head.

Closed eyes and slept on my front. Within a few seconds I was alarmed by an impact on the back of my head but with that all too familiar drill sound that I have heard and felt twice before (Drill #1, Drill #2). The buzzing was mild at first and I decided that instead of fighting it to just observe every sensation, record every detail. As I continued to observe I noticed that everything about it increments in intensity, it gets deeper, louder and much more unbearable. There was no pain, just that feeling you get when someone scratches a blackboard only a lot worse.

I opened my eyes to see if it, whatever 'it' was would continue. It did and I guess I was surprised because I was still physically fully awake. I could see my arms stretched out, was able to move but didn't want to make any sudden movements. Seconds later it felt as if the drill bit had now got to the surface of my brain. My left arm, hand and fingers started to twitch followed by the right arm. At that point it was becoming completely unbearable, the twitching was easy to deal with and I knew it had to do with that thing getting deeper in my brain. The only part of it I could not endure was the intense sensation I felt upon impact which was increasing.

I turned around to rest on my back, the sensation lasted a minute or so before it began to dissipate into tiny vibrations, fizzing away. Ended at 7:45am.

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