June 19, 2009

Mind Controller

I didn't make any attempt to AP this morning nor am I sure if this was an AP or just a nightmare. The experience unfolded after several vivid dreams where I had moments of lucidity.

Dreaming Of A Mind Controller
The last dream before the AP was about a woman seeking advice regarding her husband from another woman who seemed to be some kind of adviser. It's worth mentioning this dream since I feel it most likely influenced my AP experience.

Suddenly in mid conversation between the women I become aware of my dream state but I don't try to immediately control it. I find myself absorbed in the conversation and realize the advisor isn't exactly speaking in words - she's simply focusing her gaze into the woman's eyes. The other woman seems more mesmerized as though in a hypnotic trance.

The advisor places a sharp long object into the other woman's hand - looks like a knitting needle. At this point I can clearly sense the adviser's message - she has told the woman to use the needle to kill her husband. It was more like she implanted the idea into her mind without the woman's consent.

The woman now equipped with a needle walks down a long staircase with one intention; to kill her husband. I talk to her to snap her out but I feel like I'm just thinking the thoughts, it gets to the point where I'm screaming in my mind for her to snap out of it. Tired with my attempt to awaken her a thought enters my mind - I'm thinking as soon as she steps outside she will snap out of the trance and she did. No longer looking like a mindless zombie, she appeared confused looking out in the traffic probably wondering how she got there.

I feel relieved despite not knowing this woman whether she was a DC or an actual person. Despite it all being a dream I was glad the woman came to her senses. After a few seconds I found myself in the SP state.

Meeting A Mind Controller
During the SP I allow myself to mentally relax knowing I'm about to AP. I become very aware of the window, in the corner there is a black blob at least that was my perception initially. Somehow I'm in a seated position. The dark form changed into a head with long hair - It looked like a partial female figure. She was lingering outside in broad daylight, her head, neck and shoulders were visible. She was almost featureless or it was just hard to see the contours of her face as she looked like a 3d form of a person out of a photo negative.

In a situation like this I'm usually scared, however this time I felt anger. Fragmented thoughts of people who I have had bad experiences with entered my mind. The anger I felt increased in intensity. I reached boiling point, I was consumed by anger so much that ideas of wanting to hurt everyone who had ever caused me emotional pain came automatically. I almost completely forgot about the dark figure next to my window until without warning my body glided in that direction. Another thought entered my mind "You know you want to kill them, just do it!" I willed myself backwards.

I knew at this point that these thoughts weren't mine and snapped back but still felt that anger and rage only this time it was directed at the being outside my window. I felt somehow that whoever or whatever this thing was, it was causing me to feel that anger and rage. As I slowly began returning to C-1 I knew there was a way to deal with a situation like this other than reacting from a state of anger. I think I returned to C-1 (at 5am) as I was becoming fully conscious in the AP.

After some reflecting I have to say this is perhaps the most disturbing experience ever. I've felt anger before towards others but never took it to such an extreme - this was like literally being in the mind of a killer. I wonder what or who that being was next to the window. It seemed to be drawing me towards it and despite it being immobile it seemed to exert control. Was it controlling me? Was it a separate entity / being or just a dark part of my own subconscious that I don't even know about?

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