A Face In The Universe

Woke 5 or 6 am - doing UT again.

Too much energy - tried relaxing. By 8am doze off - no recall of transitional phase.

Zoomed out somewhere beyond space feels like I am veiwing the universe - changing faces made of stars and then atmosphere and various colors - something being told - revealed yet to recall.

When I first saw a face formed by lines connected or emanating from a collection of stars I instinctively looked away - too intense. Then looking back the colored spaces for one large face.

Other things took place - FAs and scenes I cannot recall since I'm writing this too late - all events are quickly fading. I awoke around 10am - rarely sleep till this time.

The DreamWeaver

This morning at 5am I was as usual having difficulty falling back to sleep - mind rampant with thoughts. Eventually relaxed which entails resting on my front side but still took effort getting comfortable. I could just get up and forget attempting to sleep next time but as the weather is so cold now I get a little lazy in the morning.

Maybe a few minutes or so after I relaxed entered the projection transitional state - there was residue of ear ringing sensations in right ear. This has not occurred in a long time and now that the sensation is back I was concerned because this is the same side where the lump developed.

Brain buzzing as the lucidity of my new or converted environment enhanced. Before I emerged into the new scenes fully there were voices and it seemed these were actual events - some that have happened and some that may happen. Some future 'I' was speaking to a woman regarding a bill - the scene which I didn't see with my eyes but rather felt it occurring was me on the telephone listening to a woman who seems familiar telling me something about £90,000. Don't worry about it too much, hasn't happened yet. Then I hear my niece speaking to my sister - she's staying over for the holidays - I felt I was listening to a conversation they had the previous night but no actual details to verify since everything was moving with speed. This initial stage was choppy, there were so many sounds and other voices.

There were patterns, strange looking objects in the sky - the lens were constantly changing. Again that curiosity - open eyes to check on physical environment. Brain starts to buzz more, eyes in a kind of locked position feeling like again I'm having to pry it open. I get this sense that in this state if I don't keep my eyes closed away from physical environment I have the potential to cause some physical damage. The physical environment objects were bulgy or it appeared so. Close eyes - go through the motions of the other environments playing out. Some moments there was this undeniable knowing that I was the one who was changing the environment - the patterns and visible objects were my own doing. Some part of me was creating each and every aspect of this other reality - the knowing wasn't static - some moments I grasp and know fully and then suddenly I am in awe at changing environment losing myself within it forgetting that I am the mastermind behind it.

Head starts to buzz as I move away from foreign scenes and enter several false awakenings. There is external physical distraction as I am in the last FA where I can't move my limbs. This slowly brings me back to physical reality but head and brain hurts so much. I force my eyes open in a state of grogginess - I simply want to fall asleep but have to get up. Even as I write this energy levels feel so depleted - this mornings event has caused major fatigue which I hope a quick nap might fix.

In Between 2 States

I slept last night feeling devotional which comes with a package of emotions that are uplifting. Sleep was interrupted twice - once at 2am and the other at 4am. It was during the latter I was so fidgety and could not sleep nor did I want to bother getting up - I think now I may have been a little dehydrated and should've drank some water.

I think around 7am I relaxed, focused on the breathing and forehead area. I was expecting something similar to what I experienced in 'The Wise'. It is really the most lucid and solid visual I've had of the others and I felt this way I could communicate more directly.

Instead I ended up at my secondary school. I recently had an opportunity to revisit this school in reality. In this vision I entered the buildings, going from classroom to classroom wondering if I am really there or it was all just in my mind to begin with. I knew as I moved about and explored that my body was in bed and I got curious. Opened eyes and moved a little - a huge mistake. I felt something pried into the brain and movement caused an incredible amount of pain. Knowing I have to remain absolutely still I closed eyes and once again entered the school visual - some brain activity - a surgical procedure being carried out in the brain and I felt that in last nights salvia session.

The Trees Are Breathing

Staring out window at the waxing crescent moon - the clouds around it clearly forming. I just suddenly felt like looking out the window to stare at the night sky for a while. Glanced at the tree beneath it across the garden, briefly staring there was a feeling that the brain was operating different to usual in this quiet serene state. The numerous branches pulsing and waving in and out - the entire tree seemed to be breathing. Then when I observed the many faces formed by the branches and whatever leaves remained the heads would look to be bopping.

Like changing lenses - one lens showed the entire tree as a living breathing being and another lens revealed the many countless faces of other beings - it seems like an infinite number of beings can and do exist within this one tree. That entire tree as it pulsed in that energetic wave took my breath away. Interestingly I was able to remove focus from this kind of viewing and deliberately return to it merely by being still and quiet within.

Venting Anger at Teacher and then Laughing

After the AP I fall asleep dreaming about hanging out with my youngest sister. We're both attending a class.

A group of us have been flying and as I land I trip over bumping into my sister making her bump into the teacher.

The teacher is incredibly agitated and has formed an idea in her mind that I am deliberately trying to harm her. I defend myself by explaining the situation but she doesn't want to listen. At some point out of anger I call her a stupid f***ing b****. We are all seated in a circle. There's an old fashioned telephone on the table, she is calling someone and in my mind I knew without a doubt that she's trying to call my parents because at that moment I got a flashing image of the phone ringing at home every time she redialled.

I had enough, stood up telling everyone that I'm leaving. Just before I leave I ask the students sitting next to her if they recall the tripping incident and each of them verified that indeed it was an accident. Again I'm so angry and now it's directed at these students who could not bother to defend me earlier on - I guess I storm out after this. Wow - my dreams have not been very pleasant lately but I feel they are definitely reflective of how I'm doing emotionally with physical situations.

Another dream - I'm chatting with another sister who is on the phone to my aunt. She's angry (at least it's not me this time). Another old telephone system, she has thrown the cord down with reciever hanging and I can hear my aunts massive voice. My sister is going on and with her exploded temper I think she's not aware that aunt is still on the phone - I gesture to her but she doesn't care.

I know I have to pick up the phone and try to calm my aunt down but that also means staying on the phone for forever. I tell her to forget what my sister said as everyone knows she's a bit rowdy and that she even speaks to me with the same tone. I'm lying down listening to my aunt rambling on, she is telling me something and constantly crying. Three adorable kids walk in - I seem to know them, then a man walks in - the father, someone who in reality proposed to me and I had rejected.

One of the kid grabs my bent knees giggling, cheerful and so happy. I hold him or her calling them 'bulbulla' and for no apparent reason burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter - I wake up with that same laughter feeling somewhat good, at least better than the past few weeks.

Projection Experiences Changing

I wake up at 5am - empty bladder. Before I continue I should make a note of my recent mental state here - lately I have become so thoroughly depressed to a level that goes beyond any depth I've felt before. There is a thing where I yo-yo between depression and elation. I have noticed certain things that trigger it - usually it gets worse when a new health crisis emerges and I escalate into the worst thoughts possible and at times can remain calm. Other times it is the smallest most ridiculous thing that would agitate me until a few days pass by and I forget or something new arrives.

This morning didn't really care about anything except getting some sleep and last night slept through without a chronically disturbed mind - at least not as bad as two nights ago.

About 6am this morning relaxed deeply through closed eyelids bedroom wall visible. There is a face of a man on the wall and I observe it - it's still but seems to be continuously forming. I rise up to the ceiling and I think I was spinning differently than usual. This time just when I thought I was about to sink I didn't. Instead I was on the same level but things around me were changing - maybe there was some kind of charge this time that I can't recall. Everything occurring quickly that I seemed to be suddenly in another room sitting on a chair staring at the television - a Mexican film with a very Bollywood vibe was on. There was a woman to my left who seemed to know me. There are other people about and I am amazed at the vividness of the scene. I try to touch her face but things get a little hazy. I walk about this building with many rooms. Walk inside another room and get in bed why I'm not sure but I jump out as soon as I realize someone is under the covers.

There are a few voices I can hear calling me by my name.

I walk into other rooms checking for something unoccupied, I know I have projected to this place but I feel so lost.

There were more things that I can't recall - should've made notes as soon as I awake but far too groggy. Closed my eyes and had a dream in which I was venting some anger that might be significant to my current mental state.

These AP experiences are changing, changes made to transition and the quality as well as the lenght of experience.

Face Streaming

Morning I awaken at 6:30am - can't believe how dark it is outside I would've thought it was 2 or 3am and taking into account that I was so groggy took a lot of effort to empty bladder.

Returned to bed doubting I'll be able to sleep at all. Getting comfortable resting on my front side managed to get some shut eye. I remember as I started to relax imagining something in front of me, pressing it I was startled as it felt too solid. Played around with my imagination for a little bit until I went even deeper in this relaxed zone.

I was aware at some point of something changing around me yet knowing that I was still in bed, several male faces streaming along the wall, each of them carefully observing me. They are like shadows on the wall - I do not recognize any of them, limited to guesses about them and reading facial expressions.

The faces seemed to be gently gliding across very slowly as if backing away so as not to frighten me. Brain feels so mushy, some part clicking and I got this feeling they had done something.

Some of them came closer to the head and I can feel around the head, sensations of them moving almost as though they had entered and became a part of the head. There was fluid movement within the body, felt like all at once each part of this body could detach becoming individual entities.

I never know when these certain 'others' show up unless I'm using Salvia. With the Salvia, experiences become too intense for me to raise questions and certain knowings seem to come as part and parcel of the experience - these reduce the need for the question, in fact sometimes the questions appear ridiculous in that state.

These beings are intriguing - a fascinating aspect of reality. I think perhaps the only reason why I am able to see them moving only in altered states of consciousness as opposed to the so-called normal waking consciousness is because something within the brain has to change. Perhaps that part is always active but since we use other parts of the brain on a daily basis repeatedly through mundane physical reality based activities - the other parts shut down.

Last night I was reading the Bhagavad Gita certain things making a lot of sense, more deeply engrossed in the story than ever before and I went to bed feeling devotional.

Reality Waves

Woke up maybe 4ish am - after emptying bladder straight back to bed no thinking just the urge to close eyes and sleep.

No recall of the transitional state but suddenly became aware that my environment was different - consisting of a charge of energetic waves. Not sure how to describe it except that I was definitely not viewing my room. Top of my head sensations, pressure - brain buzzing and charging, this time it had a pulsating rhythm. It was intense but not so much that I couldn't handle it. I open my eyes with the intention to see if my room is still there. As I open eyes there is that movie like effect, white noise flashing sparkles tuning into a frequency type movie effect, but I was inside within the tuning. Finally I can see the window area in my bedroom is flowing with that same charge I viewed in alternate environment, it was waving and alive with a multitude of brightly colored flashing lights. My eyes feel tensed almost like I'm having to keep them pried open - either some kind of magnetic force wanting to close them or the eyes just could not handle these visuals. Closed them and again from the alternate environment opened again, looked at the window once more with all the waves moving about this time strongly trying to open them fully.

Can't recall what happened after this but I recall at some point where the energies all around me became intense causing an explosion of something in the physical environment.

Last night I slept really late deeply engrossed in making my herbal capsule formula and just before dozing off I drank the most vile tasting tea ever telling the parasites that live inside me (for now) that I want them out. Waking up this morning I felt that my thoughts and feelings from last night triggered this experience as I recall falling asleep the third eye or forehead area moving about a lot - the pressures were very intense.

A Walk In Paradise

Woke up at 4am, back to bed half an hour later. Frustrated with and endless thinking process, I breathe and relax - I recall at one time before relaxation when I had closed eyes a flashing image of a door to my left appeared.

Relaxed - can't recall going through the initial transitioning process. I found myself shifted immediately to another place. Walking down the corridors of this building it didn't take long to figure out that I was in a hospital. I open one door and feeling the solid touch I am astounded it was as real as physical reality realness - that same depth. I see a computer and think about getting my details that is if I'm in the hospital that I think I'm in. I want to check all the lab results because I suspect my recent Tuberculosis diagnosis to be suspicious. As I touch the keyboard once again I'm astounded by the realness factor. I get confused and realize I don't even know my hospital number and don't really want to type my name in - make a mental note of this so that when I get back to reality I can memorize it for next time. I walk away touching the environment as I go along. A few moments I imagine things and it is like they are coming to pass. I remember at one point thinking of going through the door believing it to be possible I walk right through it somehow I know this is also possible in the physical reality. There are others about but I do not approach them.

I walk outside, a huge contrasting scene to the hospital. Nature is all around and I am in love with this place. I remember seeing a variety of unusual flowers. Beautiful colors, an environment filled with every element of paradise. And I was viewing only a small area of it. There was the potential of something more - I knew deep down that this paradise is here at every moment. To the right a flying creature attracted my attention with the fluttering of it's delicate wings. It was large, its textures that of a moth and vibrant colours and patterns of a butterfly.

Scenes changed to other scenes that are vague but there locked in the memory bank. I do recall being around relatives at some stage wondering whether they are aware that we are dreaming.

The Conversion

Wake around 3am - close eyes almost immediately - shift - head buzz - something forming on ceiling - someone about to emerge - strong presence - scared - say to myself "focus on breathing and forget everything else". All attention on the rhythm of breathing.

I am high up now near ceiling. Less afraid, through the window, still dark out. Travelling end up in a scene - beautiful massive garden - pots with global hedges, lovely nature all over - sun is out. Walking and bouncing about the place cheerfully "Wow - I wonder if this place actually exists in reality".
Suddenly scene converts bit by bit to another scene - now very dark - I hear or feel someone on TV - a TV commercial - tele-shopping, someone selling round tablet detergent. My focus changes I am the person watching the TV - I have occupied a part of his or her body - the body was incredibly still. Environment converts to another dark room - sitting on a sofa. At some stage I recall lifting up legs and being able to see my legs. I can feel a presence - woman approaches me from the right, on her right hand she's wearing an animal puppet. She grabs me with puppet arm saying "Gotcha". If I were able at this moment I would've jumped out of my skin but body was in a state of paralysis.

I get this sense that scenes are about to warp into nightmarish scenes. I start to fight it urgently with great force shaking the body. Eventually snap out, the head buzzing calms down. There was a door to left in this scene which immediately converts to my bedroom window, and other various elements of that room from the scene converting to my bedroom. My head hurt so much, not from the head buzzing but from the fight that I had put up - I felt like my body and especially head had just crashed with great impact. Started to regret giving into the fear. Could not stay up long enough to check time - too exhausted fall asleep instantly.

Interesting experience and the morphing of scenes is not one I am unfamiliar with. The most intriguing part is when the scene morphs from what one might call the astral to one's physical environment. In the usual common type of projections it appears that there is movement from one place to another and of course that feeling of coming out of the body, in this particular type of experience everything was transforming in the same space without actually moving even though at times I felt I had traveled up to the ceiling or it seemed that I was walking. Something to do with the brain, connection to the sight and the mind behind the entire operation. I think what may have triggered this experience is certain heartfelt deep feelings and communication from my part to higher source prior to falling asleep last night.

Meditation Update

I haven't written about meditation in almost a year now simply because I haven't meditated, it had become difficult overtime and I think in some ways it was replaced with Salvia usage. It was after my difficulty with meditation that I discovered Salvia and felt guided to try it out.

A week ago I had meditated three times and each time for 20 minutes or so. Each time there were the common IBMs, it was mostly hand and finger movements.

The movements are much stronger than at any other meditation sessions. The index and middle finger pressed deep into my abdomen, and during another session my hands resting near thigh started to press in this area. Each time I was startled but continued to relax. It does feel like within me there is another occupant and for the briefest moment when I can relax it takes control over body. One night I recall going through this motion several times until I fell asleep.

I want to meditate daily but I know for now I need to take baby steps. It helps to have a specific time to meditate but maybe I'll stick with at 'when I feel like it o'clock'. I think previously what really helped was starting a 30 day meditation trial - might try this again.

Stories

Woke up at around 4am back to sleep by 6am. No intention to AP but as I started to relax my room appeared slowly through closed eyelids.

Started to turn anticlockwise to the other end of the room, consciousness shrinking room appeared massive.

Fall down through floor to the room downstairs which appears a little different. Don't want to stick around so I focus on the window. Eventually end up outside.

A few scenes take place and I almost lose myself in the roles that I'm playing - memory of these are hazy. I know I haven't left the body as I can still sense head buzzing. I return back focused in physical body aware that I hadn't really left.

Conscious of the body eyes still closed - head buzzing, out of curiousity open eyes to see what happens externally in this state. Lift right arm and to my wonder the arm is part formless with invisible strands as if it were still forming - very matrix like. I stare at it a while longer absolutely amazed. I knew the stage was being set up and I simply awakened earlier than usual to witness the outer construction which had yet to fully form. This has occured maybe twice before but in each incident I didn't attempt to look at body parts.

As I stared at the formation in wonder there was a realization that the earlier experiences where I was playing different roles were parts of stories, and that the life that I was living in the physical was also part of a story.

Breast Cancer - Impending Death

Last night slept late with engrossed deeply with my new projects.

I dreamt that I was with my eldest sister at some gathering. Sister is telling me something about a diagnosis and I felt like she said forklift back problems and had an image in mind what that would be like.

Once again I ask her about this condition in the middle of another meeting. I ask her again thinking the condition is not so serious only this time she replies that she has breast cancer. I am in shock but at the same time thinking of ways to cure her. Initial phase seems to be to get her to completely change her diet which is something I have been trying in reality for the past year since I started my own journey in regaining vitality.

The dream itself felt so real I woke up still concerned feeling that this was no ordinary dream, a prediction perhaps of what may happen.

Recently news passed on to me of a young woman I had known in the early years who is currently going for chemotherapy. With myself several days prior to the initial Kundalini experience I had an alarming episode where something lumpy in my breast was causing a great amount of pain. After checking I had decided it was definitely a sign of cancer and almost immediately the fear of death plagued my consciousness. I was close to booking an emergency appointment and then a thought came to me 'I have cancer and I am going to die, but people die everyday, I have to eventually die some day - so why worry about the inevitable.'

From then on I accepted my fate, and the fate of all those around me. It was also around this time that the world around me felt like an illusion. After the Kundalini flinging me in all kinds of direction I have developed a 'healthy body' fetish and the two characters now so contrasting, one completely fearless of dying and the other with a deep urgency trying to preserve that which is destined to come to an end.

With the Salvia experiences I have reached a level parallel to most of what I've read in spiritual materials from the likes of Sri Ramana Maharishi and Krishnamurti. Regarding the physical body what I have learnt through Salvia is that it is consisted of individual beings in their individual space and the beings have a reality ad infinitum, and we on the earthly realm are housed in tiny fragments of realities that make up realities far greater than what we can envision with our conditioned minds.

Going into that state of mind I am aware that the mastermind behind my life is my own self - that I am the one who came up with the entire plot from simple movements to the complex details. This comes as a realization, and the thought is usually 'how did I manage to fool myself'. Other times I felt like laughing in the face of death, a set up, a joke we play on ourselves simply because importance has been associated between the Self and the physical body - the latter being the shell for the Self and yet the Self the container.

I have to wonder what is it that makes me forget that - I know it intellectually now but not really know it, at least not convincingly. Some call it the veil between two worlds, personally I feel it is the veil between the two aspects of the same world.

Returning to the mundane world within a day or two settling back in to physical reality I easily forget, the role I am playing sucks me back in and once again engrossed in all the details.

The Wise

As usual awake at 4:30am. 6am closed eyes to relax, this time no sexual arousal to deal with.

I start to shift away from body almost instantly, sinking down and around various places. Try to zoom into some areas when I get some control but only movement I can control seems to be going backwards.

At some stage back in body with a buzzing starting in the head.

I'm looking, either through eyelids or the surface of inner eyelids. I feel maybe I was looking at the ceiling that had slowly transformed. My light fixing was not there, instead something was emerging out of it. A formation of a solid face thumping, next to this face three other faces emerge. They look a lot more different than the other times, 3D formation using the surrounding materials. There was a soft look to the material that they were formed with.

I think they were a mix of male and female. When they realize I'm aware one of them moves away looking into another direction as if calling someone. There is sound, voices of people. Brain buzzing ferociously yet my capacity to handle it feels much greater than other times. A face, with more colour starts to flash and it appears to be so near to me. The others move away and there in the center is a much larger head of an old man. Old yet wise, the face was still, filled with wisdom and an absolute knowing look. Eyes looked as though they bore into my soul and knew everything.

Moving closer I felt a mixture of emotions, some kind of fear and shame. Unable to make eye contact I look away and ask for forgiveness for all my sins. The buzzing subsides gradually at the same time I lose contact and open eyes in bed suprised that the extreme buzzing left behind no pain. Coming back a last voice played and felt like I was so near to the woman who was speaking. She had a chinese accent saying '500 kilos' speaking to someone.

A lot has shifted in these experiences which I believe may have to do with some physical factors. Past few days started swamootra neti which I find cleans my nasal passageway to a greater deegree than the usual saline solution. Also I have taken up urine therapy once again. The sexual energy has a major part in this and now applying the 6th Tibetan Rite to send this energy upwards. Other factors involve sticking to a routine of simple raw diet which is leaning towards 70% of what I eat.

Radiation Dream Theme

Lately radiation has been taking over my dreams, in a recent dream there were two vault doors, my mum was messing around with one almost unlocking it until me and my eldest sister who was present warned her.

Since I have been practicing 6th tibetan rite dreams have been a lot more vivid, more realistic than usual and always waking me up after 3am.

A very interesting dream I'll jot down here that I had yesterday:

Wrong Flight
I'm in a car with my sister, dad and brother who is driving. Being dropped off to airport. Sis gets on plane. I hear from distance a flight attendant calling out my sisters name and somehow I know that she got on wrong plane. Me and my dad are let on the plane. The plane is moving and it is to late to get off. I ask another woman on the plane where this plane is headed. She tells me they are going to a disco as if to let me know they're gonna have fun. I ask her which country to which her response is chzec republic. I feel bad for my sister coz she looks upset, tell her that there are these cool people she can hang out with. She cheers up a little looking hopeful despite the mix up. It then dawns on me that the plane is moving with me and dad still present. Unfortunately we have to get off due to a very important meeting that we are to attend in a matter of minutes. I tell the flight attendant we have to get off. I am told that it is too late the plane is building momentum almost ready to lift off. I start to think very hard, look at my dad who is standing calmly munching peanuts and get an idea. Start to cry and tell them that my dad is very sick that I have to get him to the hospital, that although he looks normal his condition is a matter of life and death unless I can get him to a doctor immediately. Eventually after much sobbing they hear my plea and let us off.

Baba

Woke up at 4:30am - sexual urges almost beyond control. Past few days practiced the 6th Tibetan Rite which has helped a little. Practiced this morning whilst laying down even though the rite requires standing up.

Eventually closed eyes around 6am hoping for some sleep.

Inner vision slowly getting clearer, things happening in the brain - part paralysis, keeping head very still go with the sensations. Somehow I was floating in the still dark sky moving upwards without my control. In this travel I bump into several sky beings made of clouds, incredibly clear from this angle. I guess being nearer to them they look even more real than in my Salvia trips. Going higher I feel exhilarated, excited and breathless anticipating something extraordinary. I knew at that moment where I was headed only because of that inescapable feeling. I was near to something very familiar, the feeling condensed into a word that after absolute recognition escaped my mind... Baba.

I know in some languages 'Baba' means father and I had felt that that someone I was automatically drawn to was indeed a fatherly presence. What happened beyond this is hidden now.

I only remember fragments after this. Still in the sky somewhere it was sunrise and in the clear light there were placards of statements that seemed like instructions - several of them being shown to me by invisible Beings (Beings expressing words like this has happened in other earlier projections). The only statement I can recall is 'Eat the Earth'. I found this strange even at the time of viewing and now wonder did they mean it literally or just how did they mean it?

The other statements are obviously connected as part of a sequence yet I can't recall beyond this except for a few moments of SP and then a moment where my left eye was moving and through that lens I was shown an image that can come to life - as if a design of some kind for a physical setting. Another moment everything was blank like a canvas ready for me to get painting on only this kind of painting consisted of living images. Just recalled now that in another instance there was talk of 'ego' - being told about others who have been able to retain ego whilst transcending to higher states of consciousness.

Through the Looking-Glass 2

Last night before falling asleep thought about astral projection and putting forth intention to be awakened at around 4am.

Startled awake at 5:30am from a dream where a Doctor tries to gun me down.

At 7:30am close eyes and relax. Immediately I am able to see through my eye-lids, looking to the right side of my room in this visual my furniture are not present neither is the large mirror on the wall. Instead there is a face of a man using shadow and part light I guess.

Consciousness, spirit, or astral body rises - I don't know which one all I know is the 'I' definitely rises. Drawn to the face I move in that direction by gliding. Briefly consider perhaps that face is a mask and when I get there I will be that - instead I am beside it. From that angle the window is visible. I look out - the outside is so clear and vivid but looks different.

Start to sink all the while I am holding on to the clarity of sight. Sink down to downstairs room and travel outside through the window. As I am outside I feel I am looking through glass, like the world before me is contained in crystal clear glass and I am seeing it from the outside of it.

I glide through the town observing and doing nothing else in particular. I think after this I drift off to sleep. Wake up late to the pounding throb in my entire body.

Dr Mad

A doctor who has something dangerous in his office. Somehow sneak in and grab this something - take it to another room where there is a woman - we both examine it. A glass box - inside a red glowing light. I determine it's some kind of radiation. Impulsively I grab the phone, doctor on the other line as I smash the box making him hear the sound of his weapon destroyed. Start to load a gun so that Dr knows I have a weapon and can defend myself. Open door slightly to see Dr waiting near his door with his own gun. Tell the woman to take the gun and make a run for it and not to use it unless it's necessary.

Going against my advice she runs out all the while shooting at the ceiling. I start to panic and run out with the Dr chasing me certain that I'm going to die - crazy dream.

Occupied

Early morning in the midst of sleep alerted to physical body because arms were moving of their own accord. Each time it occured I became strongly aware of a presence - a being which has occupied what I consider to be my physical body. It was thinking specific thoughts and like a child playing with what looked like my arms, raising them up and swirling about. I can't recall the thoughts but it was playful and even cheerful.

Head did some kind of crazy somersaults.

Hospital

At first aware that I'm in bed, zone out soon enough - feeling groggy look up to see a round light fixing. In a different room entirely. I feel that I'm in a hospital and something happened and the physical life was not my life. I felt that I was some patient, perhaps I had been in a coma and this physical life was a long dream from which I had finally awakened.

Eye Twister

In the midst of sleep time I become aware of the physical body in bed. To my right there's a glowing light which seemed to look like a being. It glides across very near to my legs. Major fear coming from me when I realize that my body is paralysed.

Legs bent so as it moved to the end of the bed I was not sure what it was up to - it was consistently emanating a glowing light, parts were yellow other parts hinted with different shades. As I forced myself out of the paralysis the moving light Being smoothly reached the wall where the window should have been and became the window with the early morning light outside glowing the room. At that point I realized that my eyes were twisted - becoming aware suddenly the physical had been scrambled - much like lego where every bits were stored or stashed away and what I had witnessed was my physical surrounding reforming. As the body reforms so does the world around it. I should not have been so afraid, it seems this was a very natural process.

It was around 5ish am and about 30 minutes later I relaxed lying down on the front side. Found myself in that unusual surrounding, there was a light emanating on right side and the entire physical structure had become twisted - at this stage I was aware that once again the eyes were also twisted or perhaps it was something inside that projected this twisted structure. The light was very near to the eyes. I wondered what part of the room was this light emanating from. There was an eruption near rectum where I am feeling a forceful energetic sensation. I know it is related to mula bandha or root lock. Encouraging the movement feeling an incredible sexual intensity I think somewhere I lose conscious awareness and maybe enter a dream state. Wake up from alarm at 7:35am - briefly close eyes where I see multiplying blue grains of glowing light.

Ghostly

At 3:15am woke up and from then started urine therapy something I have stopped several months ago due to the appearance of a lump near neck which the doctors are unable to conclude on a diagnosis. I think in some ways the practice of urine therapy (aka shivambu) may have triggered this morning experience in some ways.

6am still awake unable to sleep closed eyes and relaxed waiting for sleep. I found myself in the living room with my nephew sitting down on the sofa and immediately realize I am dreaming. I'm talking to him but he is being rather annoying - I tell him that I love him and that he is so adorable making him blush like a girl which silences him.

The scene warps into darkness - suddenly I feel a sensation in the rectum, felt like a finger or a rod sticking up. Very painful and uncomfortable. I'm aware of my bedroom at this stage and that I'm back in bed sleeping on the front side. I turn around on my back and the sensation subsides but travels up to the tailbone and rattles. I wonder if I should've remained still.

Close eyes and start to see through my eyelids faces slightly forming on ceiling.

Open eyes and close them again. This time a glowing line forming a man appears, he seems to be on top vibrating or rocking vigorously to the rhythm of that wave sensation almost as if he is causing it. Open eyes one more time and feel the shaking is a deep inner sensation slightly moving outwards. Close eyes again his form still visible I reach out with my arms but they go through him passing by to the window my hands look so vivid. I rocket out the window flying by little odd buildings that look like creatures, living yet made out of solid inanimate material. I soar up high across a lot of dome shaped buildings.

As I'm flying there is an ecstatic feeling of incomprehensible joy, I feel as though I have been set free. I feel like singing and the song that comes to mind is from a bollywood movie. Song called Papa kehte hain. The inner voice is singing this song so loud I am briefly abrupted thinking it can be heard in the physical which makes me return slowly.

Back in again enter a dream sequence where in my house I see a ghost and start to feel comfortable around it initially after some fear mounts on the surface. I could feel the others are present and get this sense that this is some kind of dream test that I have yet to face the real challenge in the physical focus. Aware of the body with a feeling of lurking presence, worried about what I'll see when I open eyes - not sure about seeing ghosts just yet.

Open eyes slowly, a gust of wind gushes through my ears, nose and head area as though something roaring within me which took me by suprise.

Through The Eyelids

Went to bed last night briefly wondering about astral projections. It started in the midst of self-enquiry, I wondered if I am not the physical body then what is an astral projection - even in these projections the 'I' is present. Are APs simply dreams within this dream?

Continued with the self enquiry until I fell asleep. At 4am woke up from a nightmare where I and others around me were fighting robots and other monstrous looking creatures. I was aiming at a broken open part of a robot that was attacking me woke up feeling pain near left side waist and stomach churning. Emptied bladder and by 5am relaxed for sleep.

There was that sensation of electricity coursing through the left calves - this time a lot more deliberate. I followed the feeling and instead of moving about just allowed it to move freely. Straightened legs. Eventually I felt something gripping a piece at the middle of forehead - moving something with force - like taking a plug off, it was removed whatever 'it' was. Something is going on in the face - I feel rather than hear crunchiness, cracking and snapping mostly near nasal region.

The entire time my eyes were closed. Soon I was seeing my room and the visible furniture through the eyelids. Had a feeling of a presence - it was inside me and it was this presence that was seeing through the eyelids. I could feel it so strongly yet it was silent and unmoving. For a brief moment I thought how cool it would be if I could always see through the eyelids - started to think about certain tricks like asking others to hold up random number of fingers and telling them the exact number of fingers all the while with closed eyes.

The 'others' start to emerge on the ceiling just like in Salvia experiences. If they had been visible before Salvia experiences this incident would've scared me. There was no exchange of communication except that of facial expressions. Their look said something along the lines of 'It worked'. They seemed to be huddled together and being very cautious as to how I would react. My reaction is that I'm not afraid and mentally I say to them that it's okay, they can come through - there's no fear at least on my part. I am smiling, very happy to be able to see them especially without the use of Salvia.

I look away briefly and there is an anticlockwise spin. Sinking downwards and all is dark with a few visible glimmers of physical surrounding. I start to ask 'who am I' - who is the 'I' that has this experience and hold on to that.

In another space now - a big mansion like building. Members of my family are present here. I wonder what they are doing here. As I see them all I think that one of them is having this dream and I may have entered it. Or not. Too busy walking around to talk to anyone. Ahead I see a window and maybe a reflection of something. Want to zoom to it but it doesn't work so use the old fashioned form of transport and walk. After this everything is hazy.

Waking up this morning my brain felt heavy like it was overworked. Past few days feel like this fatigue of body and overworked brain has been increasing. Though throughout the day time energy levels seem normal.

Early Fatigue

It is day 5 since tailbone arousal with liquid flowing down and voila, body feels increasingly tired especially in morning. I have been trying to feed this body properly but healthy eating has been quite a struggle.

Tailbone Arousal

This morning woke up at 4 back to sleep by 5. Fall asleep only to be alerted back to the body where near the tailbone feel sexual arousal - cramping sensation yet very sexual. Incredibly aroused I encouraged the motion yet it was near to unbearable. Felt solid movement going up spine. Eventually decided to just let it take its course and lost consciousness.

Lately there has been an uncontrollable sexual intensity. Past two days feeling more tired than usual - needing to nap. There has been a feeling of flowing liquid going downwards from tailbone when this occured I had a feeling that I was going to feel tired due to this.

Self-enquiry Lucid Dream

The lucid dream I had this morning was incredible as I had an amazing ability to stay lucid for longer than usual and control certain parts of the dream.



The dream starts off in a house, and there is a part where I almost give in to sexual urges but manage to control myself remembering it is a lucid dream.



I walk downstairs aware of each step. In front of a mirror the reflection is so clear, I imagine to be wearing a coat as I want to go out, I think about it some more, thinking of the colour grey. The coat appears instantly. I fold arms almost wrapping the body getting cosy. Here, I am so amazed that it has not yet ended.



Outside approach a building feeling like I have to be there. In a room there is a woman sitting facing me but giving some kind of lecture with others around. I don't like being there, move away and end up returning outside. Here I am lucid in a dream and need to think fast before it ends - what to do? Decide that I would like to ride a bicycle on the road since I want to do so in physical might as well try to overcome the fear of it in the dream. I can cycle it's just on the road I panic.



A bicycle appears in an antiques market stall - it is made almost entirely of wood. Take my purse out giving money to someone due to perhaps temporary loss of lucidity. I remind myself that its a dream and pull out more notes for the seller. Grab the bicycle with a firm grip and get cycling. I'm cycling - my legs are moving and it appears that there is motion and I can see that I am moving at a distance only I know that really I am not moving - there is no road, no distance and soon enough the bike feels unreal as well as my pedalling efforts. I awaken asking 'who am I?'

Self-enquiry

Have been reading a lot of material on Ramana Maharishi - though I had read about the method of self-enquiry I never quite understood it - it all seemed so trivial to me. However, I focused on simply observing any thoughts that came but this did not last long. Only recently I have been so drawn to his teachings that when I read thoroughly how to go about self-enquiry I couldn't believe how something that is now so simple was once so trivial. The method could be summed up in one sentence. Follow the 'I' thought back to its source simply by asking 'who am I?' each time a thought arises. According to Maharishi the 'I' thought is the root of all thoughts - past few days from personal observation on thoughts I have found that the 'I' is indeed the root of all thoughts.



Past few days enquiring has been so easy that the question has started to arise naturally with the majority of thoughts that pop up so much that I wake up from sleep questioning 'who am I?'



Another thing that has occured is that dreams have become more vivid yet they are completely irrelevant to the quest for Self. Last night as I fell asleep something appeared pierced in the field of vision - a black hole and I was able to see a familiar face, carried on with self-enquiry focusing on the feeling of 'I'. Entered a normal dream state and from there became steadily lucid and asking the questions in the intervals.

Mugwort Refreshing Sleep

Drank mugwort tea last night before bed. Previously this tea made me so groggy in the morning and then when I stopped the grogginess eventually wore off - still there may be other unrelated factors. Needing more sleep.



This morning I woke up feeling refreshed but still wanting to get a bit more sleep - recall having several vivid dreams but was hoping for AP and put intention through last night for this. Did not wake up at all during sleep until this morning so no conscious AP.

Spinal Surgery

Drank an infusion of mugwort last night - forgot to chop up leaves - this time used less water, leaves and flower heads. Color was pale and flavour mild compared to previous night.

Went to bed late after midnight and fell asleep immediately. Had a lot of very vivid dreams but recall is not so great except for the last dream I had which blended into physical reality.

In this dream I am sitting on a chair with my back exposed. There are rows of other people sitting on chairs with their back exposed. The female doctor I met recently in PR is in front of me. There's a nurse behind me rubbing something on back of neck - getting prepped for surgery - something to do with the spine.

Suddenly a large bug that has the appearance of a bee but with big glowing red bulby eyes flies around and lands on table that is very near to my face. Nurse has probably been frightened away. The doctor flinches and gives me the impression that she is thinking that someone is spying on her. I remain calm and still.

Suddenly there is a pulsing at the base of the spine and that familiar feeling of pumping up the rectum. I tell the doctor that something is happening down there but she seems confused. The sensation is too strong, so strong I wake up still feeling the sensation. Turning over it calms down. Went back to sleep and woke up at 8am - usually I'm up before this time. So sleepy in the morning - not sure if it is the mugwort or the weather.

Mugwort Dream Recall

Had a cup of mugwort tea last night before bed. Dreams were vivid but no lucidity. Violent dream where a relative was trying to attack me and in self defense I'm slashing about going a bit wild.

In another vivid dream I'm at the bus stop. I get on a bus, use card but does not work but driver lets me through. Seated I can feel eyes on me so I turn around look at the other passengers, all silent. They look like foreigners and I'm starting to wonder if I accidently got on a tourist bus. Strangely it is dark inside and there are lights on - all the windows are sealed with metal sheets blocking external view. I get a little confused but no lucidity. There were more dreams but recall hazy or maybe too much dreaming.

I think I need to brew the tea by chopping leaves to help with infusion but despite soaking leaves and flower heads whole the tea is a vibrant green. The taste is incredibly soothing and pleasant. Physically I have been feeling a little groggy just feel like sleeping on the spot - I don't know if this is the tea or other factors. There have also been some muscle aches and this morning a pressure pain in left jaw.

I have enough mugwort for 5 days so will be drinking this next 5 days and then I plan to change tea over to nettles another highly nutritious tea from a plant that grows in the wild.

Mugwort Tea Dreaming

Yesterday evening about an hour or so before bed I drank some mugwort tea - used the entire bunch I picked two days ago. I was surprised by the taste of the tea was expecting something bitter but instead had a nice fresh tolerable leafy taste.

At the time of drinking I was tired wanting to retire to bed - it was quite hot thought it might be difficult to sleep. An hour after tea I went to bed started to doze off 11pm- felt very sedated but I am not sure the tea caused this since I was already tired. However a lot of images emerged - auto visuals, very vivid I even found that I could reconstruct the visuals. Relaxed some more, felt myself smoothly transitioning to sleep state. Suddenly someone just ran directly near my face which made me jump. Fell asleep and I woke up around 12:33am recalling vivid dreams of harvesting plants - I think there were some mugwort as well. Waking up at this time I thought it might be about 4am - I felt like I slept for long but having slept for just over an hour all the days exhaustion was gone as if renewed with energy.

Went back to bed and transitioned to sleep immediately and all I recall is flashes of blue. I can recall snippets of more dreams but nothing vivid or lucid.

Healthwise the tea has helped me to sleep smoothly, refreshed me with renewed energy in just one hour. Dreamwise it has given initial highly vivid visuals whilst drifting off to sleep and helped with some recall which might get stronger over time. Of course I don't want to over use it nor would I recommend it to be taken regularly. A lot has been written about its medicinal use and like all medicines you do not want to over use this - right now I don't know much about the toxicity of this herb so will use with caution. Saying that, I am aware that I may have over used Salvia and need to minimize any future use - maybe sticking with once a week and lower dosage.

Death Dream

At 4ish am woke up from a dream where I get this really bad feeling just before I receive a text message that my dad has passed away. I am in shock and tell family members. I feel some sadness but more than that I am bemused by the incident. I open eyes physically awake yet carrying those same feelings - relieved that it was just a dream.

The others were present - hazily fluttering in the surroundings almost as if to get my attention. I briefly felt that they created this dream to wake me up here in the physical and yet at the same there is this undeniable feeling of an impending loss. It doesn't help that there is some connection between the dream and reality as I have found out only today that my dad has been feeling very sick - it's interesting that I had this dream this morning since my dad just arrived yesterday from his holiday. When I saw him I had a feeling that something was wrong but he was being quiet about it.

Mugwort - The Dream Herb

I have been doing some exploring in wild plants - for use as food and medicine. I have taken a great interest in this subject and exploring my local wild areas. Only just starting to harvest some amazing nutritious berries.

One plant that I have come across is mugwort, considered a herb dream - many have smoked or brewed into a tea and have had powerfully vivid dreams. It can also be left under the pillow or near the bed in order to enhance dreaming.

I will be harvesting some mugwort leaves and flowers soon, will dry and make tea. As well as having dream effects this herb provides many health benefits. Will report back any experiences.

Salvia Type Projection

Woke at 2:10am - walked a bit and by 3am tried to fall asleep. Depressed about the wound on my neck which isn't healing as fast as it is apparently supposed to - more tests to be done and I think I'm more sick of the hospital visits then I am of my condition.

Fidgeting a lot until by 6am gave in and closed eyes. No intention to AP, just hoping to make up for lost sleep. I can see immediately with closed eyes the impression of the others, only it is dark - with Salvia it is like the lights come on and I can see again . I can feel their movement more than I'm able to see them.

I can see different contrasts of black a neck starting to form. I open eyes just to see that I am still physically awake and then close again. Now it feels like someone is stuck to my face and that's is why I can't see - this entity seems to be blocking my view. Again the neck forms and this time I relax and go with the flow. Soon I see a young man, formed by the colour black and splits of light - his face has cracks and the light appears to be glowing through these cracks. He is looking directly at me. A fuzzy snowy patch suddenly appears, forming into checkered shapes glistening in flashy lights. The patch forms into the face of an old man who looks familiar from other experiences. Others start to storm through and this experience starts to feel very similar to Salvia sessions. It's interesting how this is occuring without the Salvia.

The young man is doing something to third eye - I can feel the pressure - intense and energetic. I relax and suddenly I am moving in a projection. At some point open eyes because I'm still aware of physical environment and body. Awareness fully on body - it feels heavy. Close eyes and I'm still travelling.

Near towards some sea area - I know this place, wanted to come here - I'm so happy they heeded to my request. I am trying to remember when I was last at this location. It is strange that I know this place yet cannot recall when I was last here - I don't even know the name of the palce but the feeling of knowing this place is undeniable. I even had this flashing memory - an inner feeling of having spoken to someone about this place in the physical and how I wished I could go there but still no actual recall of this taking place.

Streaming along now near a row of buildings - movement fast and vision is a little dark and hazy but able to percieve in other ways.

Passing by a street and I think I see houses similar to the one I live in moving across many people I am in very close contact with a man who is carrying a briefcase. Moving on I start to have these burning questions. Who am I? Who are we and those others? What is this Earth and why are we here? I keep repeating these like mantras. Start to sink within the layers of the Earth and at the same time I am curiously aware of my physical body - it feels like my physical arms are being moved and with some trepidation I open my eyes. Head is moving left and right but not swaying.

My impression after this is that the two men I saw initially are experimenting, mostly working on 3rd eye and head region. I am getting a stronger feeling that there is information stored in each human being - perhaps in the brain or dna or in every particles - information and instructions that we have access to - much like a super computer - I just don't know how to use the information simply because I don't even know how to access it.

I think in the Earth Documentary experience this part was being accessed. The huge amount of energy that literally charged the brain with electricity was barely enough to get a clear processing of information - managed to only get bitesize, snippets of information about the Earth. Eventually after this huge charge of energy I was physically drained with a severe headache.

In this mornings experience there was no energy going through crown of head which is probably why I haven't experienced major headaches. I have a feeling another incident like the one in Earth Documentary is approaching and will likely be more intense than anything I've experienced and will require a strong healthy body. This certainly explains why I've been so obsessed with getting incredibly healthy and trying out a great number of detox therapies since the beginning of this year almost as if 'they' have planned this out guiding me every step of the way.

The Skull Cracker

Woke at 5:30am - surprisingly slept well despite drinking coffee last night, I think I haven't drank coffee in over a year.

Dozing off after 6am entered several vivid dream states - the last one being incredibly lucid and each dream related to health.

1. Cat's medicine
There's a box of medicine (antibiotics) - I know it's prescribed for my brothers cat. I took one and then read on box 'Lethal to humans'. Panicked a little. In reality my brothers cat was prescribed with antibiotics - it had the same ingredient as my antibiotics, I took it one day and was not feeling great on it so I stopped - no more antibiotics.

2. Kidney failure
I was being explained about the process of kidney failure which I cannot recall in great detail.

3. Health Check
Getting a check up from the doctor but it seems related to my mental health - he checks and tells me that I suffer from a distraction disorder. Yet deep down I seem to know what is going on just wanted a second opinion.

4. The Sky Man
In a hospital clinic - doctors checking me. Looking out at the sky - there is a giant man formed by sky, he is old but strong looking. He is running around the entire global shape of the earth making the Earth spin. I know I'm about to switch, I am going to breakdown and the doctors are probably going to admit me to a psychiatric hospital. I am about to point out the window and consider shouting out 'Father'. Then I thought the doctors would probably think I'm calling my dad from physical reality. I start reaching out to the window, to the man spinning the Earth.

5. Skull Crack
I go to see the two doctors I met recently regarding cyst near neck. Sit down on chair - one doctor to my left preparing the left side of my temple area and the other doctor preparing the crown of my head by parting my hair and rubbing the area he is about to crack open. I relax knowing what is about to happen. I think there was something in my hands keeping me occupied. Suddenly feel the impact on skull - no drill like sounds that I'm familiar with. This was quiet. The tool is squeeging through and I start to feel a pumping pressure entering the brain, intense cranial movement yet there is absolutely no pain. The energy is too much - I don't know if I can stay still. I shift head a little and then physically open eyes to my bedroom - the operation is still going on, sensations amplifying in waking consciousness. I know it is paramount that I stay still and that though this surgery is in the head it is my spine that is at risk, sensations stop a little but my head is spontaneously swaying left and right a part of the process I assume.

I signal a timeout hand gesture - I think by now they understand what this means as I've used it many times under Salvia effects. I go toilet to empty bladder and returning to bed my head continues to sway. I think the ones involved in these 'psychic' surgeries are using physical reality data to make me feel comfortable.

Uninterrupted Sleep and Health Crisis

Past two nights have not had the chance to AP at usual time since I haven't been waking up - I've been sleeping without any interruptions. Also observing the whole otherly presence and flutterings of visuals is calming down now. I should start setting forth intention to awake in middle of sleep before sleeping.

Once in a while I have been napping during day time and there have been some very harsh movements. During one incident as I relaxed aware of the entire sleep stage I felt the physical body growing heavy and then suddenly my left hand which I relaxed on the right side rib cage area grabbed tightly squeezing as though to crush bones. As soon as I jumped up it stopped.

Don't know if I mentioned this but in previous Salvia trips I recall a feeling that someone else had occupied this body - felt as though someone has joined me but observing for most part and has access to the control centre (brain). I feel that it waits until I'm mentally and physically relaxed or asleep.

I should also mention here that I am going through some kind of health crisis - although it is not much of a big deal and nothing life threatening. It has a lot to do with the cyst that has formed near collar bone. I am doing so many tests and so far everything fortunately is coming out negative. The last thing I wanted to mention to my doctor is that a salvia entity accidently caused it whilst we were journeying. Initially I hadn't intended to go see the doctor regarding this - thought I'd just let nature take its course and deal with it myself. Things got pretty bad and sore I had no choice. I did start to get a little curious and wanted to know what the doctors say it is but it seems they are at a loss - they can't decide that it is something benign and want to explore other possibilities despite the fact that I'm fit and healthy.

Another doctor had a look at it and as well meaning as he may be I feel he will never be satisfied until he finds a disease and so I felt pressured to do more tests - now waiting for more results plus there's a possibility of another surgery which is minor but very painful. I think Salvia is very detoxing, add oil pulling and urine therapy to that and there's a great chance of major cleansing. I have been adapting gradually to a healthier diet and I think this health crisis is a good thing - a sign that certain 'energy patterns' are being secreted - the body has it's own natural intelligent operation. It is amazing really how the body functions, how each organ is connected to other organs and provide intricate systematic support and I wonder if what Salvia revealed to me is indeed true - that the physical body is made up of other beings, so many different beings each creating a unit called organs according to a blueprint. Not only is the physical body created in this way but houses, ordinary object, animate or inanimate even the sky is just a camaflouge of these entities or beings.

Shrunk Consciousness

Woke at 3:30am - by 5:30am it was so difficult to relax - my mind is so occupied during these times. As I drifted I felt that I would not AP and end up sleeping deeply in order to compensate for the past 2 hours of wakefulness.

Suddenly somewhere in the midst of drifting I hear a female voice saying 'I want to show you something' or 'There is something you have to see'. I wait for it. My consciousness begins to shrink and it appears as if the room is growing much larger - at the same time I feel to be moving backwards in the corner of the room. This occurs endlessly as though there is no such thing as the smallest, biggest or the farthest and I wonder So, where is it - this thing the woman was talking about.

I think this is just it - consciousness shrinking and room expanding at the same time and there's nothing more. Suddenly there is a magnetic sensation at the crown of my head - it is very strong pulling. Then I feel something move like a lid at the top of my head open - end of recall.

This isn't the first consciousness shrinking room expanding type of experience I've had.

I have this feeling something more had occurred but no recall. This is the third projection type event to take place this month and despite being brief I know if I kept my mind focused on this the frequency would eventually increase as well as duration. I think what might help next time is restful sleep but not so restful I can't relax. A free unoccupied mind and keeping the physical body healthy.

The Raincoat Killer

A lot on my mind at night time - would've slept straight through if it were not for external noisy distraction at 4:30am.

5:15am tried my utmost best to relax but the thought of 'black magic' was running through my mind - no, I'm not practicing - it has happened to someone I know and this was the same reason why I couldn't sleep until late.

Close eyes and drift. In a part, a massive green field - big sloped hills. I see someone approaching me - can't tell whether male or female, almost concealed in their raincoat. There is a thought in my mind about a raincoat killer on the loose in this very park even though at the same time I am aware that this is a projection and that I have a physical body sleeping in my room.

I start to walk and amazed at how normally and real life like I am walking. The raincoat killer walks past me and a second raincoat killer approaches only this time there is imminent danger and I focus on moving past the killer without having to cross paths. I look ahead in the distance where there are a group of people seem to be playing some kind of sport in a flash think that if I focus on that distance there is a possibility that I might teleport there. I focus but end up gliding forward but more towards the left in order to not go near raincoat killer. The speed I am moving at gives me a heart pounding rush as if I am really physically there.

Projection Intentions

I have been waking up twice each night for several days now - the best time for me to AP. Unfortunately I can't seem to stay up long enough. Each time waking up I can feel something took place since the others presence tends to have a sort of shimmering effect - it is like a clear connection is trying to be established. The wave energy is amplifying and at times feels like a full body sexual experience. At the same time because of this APs have changed - in what ways I'm not sure but I feel it has made me more susceptible to something - good or bad I can't really say at this stage.

I have had difficulty to focus on APs due to certain issues I am having to deal with. I think this AP needs a great amount of focus meaning I need to keep thinking about it and at least put forth intention - need to empty mind so that the contents of whatever issues are present does not completely take over.

I feel there is still so much to learn through APing and perhaps more to discover. I don't plan to have any specific goals as usual just go where I'm naturally directed of course this could change at any time.

Crushing Chest

Wake at 2:30am and by 5ish am close eyes and drift away with the intention to AP.

I am aware of a presence near my legs crawling up to my chest - it feels so real and tangible but I am only able to see a slight impression of it - the feeling of it is very strong as though a real person was on top of me.

Suddenly this being increases its weight on my chest pushing down. It is painful I feel my chest is being crushed. I can't move or scream as the body is paralysed. I start to control my fingers somehow breaking the spell. The heaviness is gone but now I am struggling to get out of the paralysis. I realize I should've let go to this and not express any fear except I think it wasn't that I was afraid, the pain was just something that I did not have the endurance for.

I remember seeing two birds on my bed but can't recall when it occurred.

I go back, this time letting go to everything. Can't recall if I had an encounter with that heavy being but felt myself going in deeper. There was a crowd of evil laughter - several people, mixed gender. I knew they were trying to scare me but simply observed. Going deeper I am sucked in some internal part. Looking up there's a hole and I start to realize I'm inside my body and I think that hole is the inside part of the lump near right collar bone. There's someone else there and I get a feeling he drew me in.

I feel we are both going somewhere now and then more episodes of sleep paralysis fortunately without crushing chest. I slip into dreams of a very sexual nature. The main theme involved polygamous relationships, and one dream involved similar characters competing with each other regarding an object that appeared to be some kind of special chip or a book which they were trying to get to a publisher. Both manage to sabotage each others work.

During these episodes a lot of thoughts came to my mind illuminating certain fears - fear of body being possessed and going into a deep coma in that SP state.

I think these SPs, crushing sensations and other undesirable sensations may be due to one's mental state - before AP intention I was feeling a little depressed about random stuff. Maybe other factors are involved, need to record more of these incidents and mental state.

Sisters brief OBE

This morning the sister who was followed yesterday by the 'others' showed up in my room and started chatting about random things - somehow I felt, I sensed it that something obviously happened to her in the dream state. After yesterdays incident I have this feeling that they've been up to something.

I didn't want to ask her if anything weird occurred so I started the topic by telling her how I had this really bizarre dream at which point she jumped in relaying her experience. Early morning she was in a paralysed state and then sinking into the bed she just suddenly popped out of her body and that was that.

Her expression said it all, this is her first major OBE experience, I have a feeling it's going to be the first of many.

The Double

5am and clear daylight outside I was hoping to get some more sleep but too awake so I simply just focused on nothing and reached a calm state of mind. Suddenly felt energy piling up at the center of my forehead and the brain started charging. I just ignored it continuing to focus on nothing really. Then right leg spontaneously lifted up, it felt so incredibly light and flexible. I made no movement, no resistance on my part. The left leg followed suit. Both legs leaned towards the wall and dragging my body anticlockwise. When it reached other side of wall I felt this light body spin up. I was observing these movements and now wonder who was behind them as I was not controlling these movements nor do I ever really.

I land in a room almost identical to mine as though I never really left the room. I see someone, hazy visual but I know it's my sister. She's chatting away but don't recall the conversation. I thought she might be trying to talk to me. To my right I see another person, I get the feeling it's me - another me that is. I thought perhaps this is some future time or a parallel reality. I realized that I left the physical shell vulnerable to those entities but quickly release the concern wishing to observe and understand this situation here. Other me leaves the room and my sister amazed after becoming aware of me calls after the other me saying 'There's someone else in the room who looks just like you'. She comes back and I think both are observing me as I observe them. They are talking but I can't hear them clearly. Suddenly a neice walks in, I give her a hug but don't recall how this scene changed.

After this there were many different shifting scenes some of which I recall some still hazy. I opened eyes around 7:20am.

Return to Hemi-Sync Audio

I'm listening to The Gateway Experience once again. This time moving through it faster, anyways there was another Salvia experience I had where the others gave me the impression that my brain should be fried with what they are doing surprised at this myself I realized that hemi-sync audio I had listened to sent certain signals to the brain where the energy patterns residing and working through there adjust and comply to this signal. The signal itself was some kind of energy pattern. I knew at that moment that I have to carry on with listening to this program and advancing until all the stages were complete and so I have picked it up again.

I've decided not to journal hemi-sync experiences unless there is something significant because it is unnecessary at least for now and just too long to be bothered about it. However one thing I should note here is that even whilst listening to it that wave energy movement around and in the body is present. I started the program from last week.

A Clean Town

No intention to project but last night I was reading my journal for notes on last AP experience and I think it triggered this mornings AP.

Woke 5am, drifted off between 6 - 7 am. Suddenly I'm gliding across street, a suburban looking location and I think how lovely and clean this area is. Wondering if I was local which seemed unbelievable considering how polluted London is - the air here was simply too clean, colour crystal clear and had a pleasant natural backdrop.

Just simply flying above the streets for a few minutes longer until I end up back in bed. The movement starts again and I am gliding, below me a burgundy surface and I realize consciousness is moving across the carpet in my room or maybe another part of the house. End of recall - that was a very brief experience yet I think there may have been some more to it.

Soaring Bird Cage

Got up 6am, by 7am drifted off with no intention to AP.

Even though I had drifted off it felt the entire time the transition occured whilst completely awake. I can't recall that I had actually drifted off.

Suddenly the ceiling was just an ich away from my face, at which point I knew I was projecting. Soaring through roof going higher, other places unfamiliar below me - this Earth or another dimension? Not sure. Did not focus on details just passively observing.

I started to get a little concerned about physical body, what if those 'others' started to take control of it in my absence knowing that some of these others are a rather mischievous bunch. It would be the perfect moment for them to possess the body. Let go, whatever happens happens, need to let go.

Have an FA where I'm in the garden and at the end on neighbours shed I see a few planters. I don't recall starting these and check them out. As I walk closer I am blinded. Now I know I'm still projecting. Consciousness now focused and aware of body and bedroom. Eyes open I look up and on the ceiling is a young man, he is like a moving picture but feels to be actually there. He simply stares at me. I notice he is behind bars looking through but it seems that I am the prisoner. I feel caged, locked up. I am not at all sure about what to make of his presence, he is very silent but still gliding across the ceiling.

My gaze falls at the large mirror on the wall - there a floral pattern emerges, not in colour but lines of shadows creating the moving image. The pattern twists and turns until fully converted into two birds. The two birds kiss, they fly away and I can hear their wings flapping.

Once again my awareness is back in the room and to my right I see a black cat, and room suddenly looks different. Then everything reverts back to original room where the black cat converts back into my black cardigan on the chair.

It was all in the mind, and this mind is shaping what we see right now. The mind can completely convert everything that we see and this could occur globally so that everyone can see the conversion and even have their own conversions.

Recently in a salvia experience I had an experience where I realized there was an unravelling in the mind like being set free to the Truth, in my case I knew it was only a fragment but I got a taste of what will occur globally.

I think that when it does occur globally Truth being unravelled individually in each person we will all know that it has happened to the each other. Something will make it obvious.

These new projections are quite intriguing, the 'others' are making themselves more and more visible and I am not getting any of those pre-astral symptoms such as the high pitched sound which I always associated with the scratching of blackboards and felt could be connected to airplanes - always dreading this. Also in particular no vibrations, spinning and none of that head drilling activity anymore.

Morning nightmares - the criminals

This morning woke up from a nightmare where I am viewing inside a room a woman seated on a chair and a man who I get the sense is her brother. I figure out the plot of the scene and realize the brother is deranged and he has held the sister captive for someone else to attack. She is calm thinking of a way out.

He finally leaves and I get a closer look zooming or moving more in front of her. Her hands are cuffed and she's tied to the chair - did not initially notice this before. She hops her way into the kitchen and grabs the phone but the lines dead. She ends up in another room and someone else not sure if it's her brother or someone else has entered the room. Grabbing her and sticking a gun to her belly he is pretending to shoot making trigger sounds - teasing her to panic. She is panicking only I think the shock has become too much that she looks to be paralysed yet I know she's still alive. Suddenly he pulls the gun to her left temple and shoots, the bullet has gone through her brain and I can see how in an instant her body has become lifeless.

Woke up startled thinking 'Whoa! Why am I dreaming this?' This particular dream did not just feel like a dream, I feel like the consciousness went somewhere where this event was actually taking place here in this world that is possibly a dream itself.

Awake I just close my eyes for a few seconds and immediately I'm in another scene. I'm held captive to my left is a child and to my right another adult. I think the child is a girl, not sure about adult as there's a man in front of me holding a sledge hammer. We're held captive and he's threatening us with this large hammer. I beg him to leave the child alone, he tells me he has no intention to hurt the child - it seems I'm the target and I start to think of ways to defend myself.

I end up somehow in another room - a woman lying down, I know she's violent and I have a memory of her torturing me and in a fit of rage seeking revenge as well as wanting to protect myself of anything further she may want to do I attack by throwing things at her and almost whacking her to death. She's not budging, just laughing in a wicked way almost as if she still has some power over me - anger intensifies and I open eyes again startled by a violent dream scene.

I'm reentering fast in that zone where I start to have a visual of my computer - my brother wants to use it but for hygienic reasons I don't like the idea of anyone touching my keyboard. The scene changes fast and I'm aware now of being in bed same position as I am in reality. I am some kind of police officer or detective. There is a stalker who will not leave me alone and I have been trying to catch him for a long time. In bed I find a note that says 'I love you' and this stark fear takes over, I know he's returned. There are further instructions but they take place in my mind - do not inform the police, do not inform anyone, you will be paralysed and know the consequences. I feel that I'm completely helpless and let go, if he comes then he comes, sick of protecting myself. Then the paralysis starts and I could barely move my mind let alone the body. Yet there's a feeling of arms wrapping me and a head burrowed in the neck. These 'I love you' notes are becoming commonplace in dreams and I have a feeling as to where it is really coming from.

Just yesterday I was chatting with my sister regarding her son who was attacked at school by other kids and told her he needs to learn to defend himself even though he has this sweet caring nature not wanting to hurt anyone. Self defense is important at least learn to scream and shout to get help from others. I asked all energies supporting maybe even protecting me to protect my nephew (the one with royal energy pattern) and to be at his side, at his beck and call not really knowing for sure if that is even possible.

So what are these nightmares and do they have any relation to sending protective energies away? Did I just put down all my psychic shields? I don't believe I need it maybe what makes one stronger isn't protection or shields but complete fearlessness in the face of that which scares us. Despite sending these energy systems I don't believe in protection - just that self-defense is important in these earthly circumstances where we do at times have to show the bullies that we are unbulliable.

And then there is this other thing - that which we are so afraid of yet it's inevitable, something we have no physical control over and letting go of the attachment of the fear we tend to hold on to. I feel the stalker dream was highly symbolical for letting go of this fear of powerlessness.

I haven't been able to recall clearly many dreams for some time now, it is dreams like these with this kind of nightmarish intensity that really get my attention and the fact that they occurred closing eyes whilst fully awake has made some difference in recalling.

Faith and Commands

I have been just pondering now, faith and how it applies to everything.

So what is faith? Faith is when there's no doubt. We have great faith when moving the body. There is a command to move the arm and instantly according to what speed you require arm moves. I want to raise my arm and there is no doubt that I can move it.

Have you noticed when moving your body the commands are so fast you're not even aware just when you thought to move it or the specifics of that thought (meaning direction and speed of movement). And if you stop for a while to recall the thought which really was the command to move an arm or anything else it would be hard to capture it fully.

Perhaps the only reason why we cannot move mountains is simply because we don't have as much faith in the possibility of that as we do in the movement of our bodies. We have absolute faith in body movement and that same absolute faith is necessary for other external changes.

There are the other commands, the commands which result in spontaneous movement. In my case since exploring with Salvia spontaneous movements have increased to a greater degree. If I let go, the movements occur and the more relaxed I am the more stronger I can feel them. Recently there have been hip movements and turning around almost being directed to go in circles. I wonder whose commands are these, higher self? God?

I know it is possible to do things that would be considered a miracle here - but in that other place that is seen with that other perception there is nothing to it.

I want to try a few experiments on this but cannot until I've grasped exactly the commands that I'm using now. Like right now I'm using all sorts of commands, firstly the brain was programmed a long time ago with touch typing skill, so I'm using that skill. There are the secondary mind audible thoughts (voice in head) thinking each word to be written. Very complex stuff going on just writing this down.

Contact with Beloved

Last night prior to falling asleep I was staring at my reflection in the mirror and without so much as planning to do so I was practicing trataka. Parts of face began to mutate, I thought that has to be possible with the little people of the flesh moving about changing what I see with physical eyes.

Viewed a glowing light surrounding the body, began to emanate and stretching out I saw the face of a fairly young man staring right at me through mirror.

I thought I'm seeing one of those others but several times the same face would pop up. It was a very knowing stare, as though whoever the face belonged to was waiting for me to acknowledge its presence and that it is viewable with the human eye.

Went to bed communicating with beloved - more than tangible I wanted to see it clearly. I expressed that I was not afraid and for it to at least show up more clearly in dream time. Got more than I bargained for.

Sleep interruption at 3am with that shaking, vibrating sexual essence all over. Closed eyes by 5am drifting away, suddenly aware of something holding me. A pumping in the rectum, identical to 'Kundalini Illusions' the sexual energy was intensifying to the point where the physical body moved naturally to its rhythmic motion. Eyes open and there was a fog, mist like form and I saw it as clearly as I am seeing now. It was embracing, gentle but the sexual intensity was unbearable. I knew I had to surrender, give in. I have to let it do what is needed, some merging going on and like before it wants to channel the energy inside upwards to make complete connection. Though this time there is no resisting I am trying my best to fully let go, the rattling of the tailbone increasing and at some point lose consciousness and dream about irrelevant stuff.

Vivid Simulations and The Best

Awakened at 4am, got up this time and then back in bed and by 5am fell asleep intending to project instead I had some very vivid dreams. Because of those lingering energies I did not sleep well constantly awakened.

Vivid Simulations
I'm viewing a monitor inside which I'm being sucked into. They are taking me to a scene on a parcel of land. The soil is being formed into a hill without anything growing on it yet. On this hill they are telling me about how the plants grow, from the top of the hill the water will flow and travel or drain downwards and water the plants lower down - a kind of pyramid model. I learnt this when looking into permaculture the concept almost identical to a herb spiral and the creation of swales. They tell me that this way not a lot of water nor watering would be required especially for these particular types of land plant.

Then they mention tropical plants - these types need a lot of water. I'm almost sucked out of simulation but immediately re-entering pulled through towards a beautiful tropical island. There I see land surrounded by sea, palm trees and the whole scene just tropical. I start to see how yes tropical fruits and plants would need a lot of water which is why they are surrounded by sea and again these plants don't need a lot of watering since they suck from the sea. Interesting lessons. I think I'm being fed these information since I have recently become an avid gardener.

The Best
I'm at my house and there are so many kids playing - none that I recognize. Several children are trying to get hold of a girl who has become glued to the tv screen playing games on console. They start to moan and cry telling me about the girl called Monu who won't play with them. I ask why they need her to play with them to which they exclaim 'Because, she's the best!' I get the impression that Monu is like their leader. I look at the child in the eyes and tell him/her 'You can be the best, you all can be the best that way you don't need Monu or anyone else.'

Then I'm chatting with my eldest brother and sister about Monu, how she's changing drifting into her own world and my brothers expression reminds me of how I am or was a lot like Monu.

The Laughing Moment

In the dream I am aware of being in a large playground/park.

There is a man with a moustache and beard - rugged looking. He is staring at me as if he knows me waiting perhaps for me to approach him. He's cycling now, I see other bikes and I know he wants me to get on one but I walk away. My attention now caught on a swing. I see a little boy approaching reminds me of my nephew when he was 3, so adorable and cherub looking. He wants me to push him on the swing which is for kids slightly older than him.

I raise the swing letting go telling him to hold tight on the chain. As he swings back towards me I notice he's let go of the chain, concerned I stop the swing with the intent to scold him. He is so adorable that the only punishment I could think of is to tickle him. He lets out this incredible laughter and part fitful charming giggles. I join in feeling so incredibly happy in this moment. Wake up feeling as I did in the dream.

Wake Dozing

Intentions are working with great precision. Yesterday I voiced my intention to wake up around 4am - previously when sleep was distracted I naturally woke up around these times but then suddenly for quite a long time it stopped and I would sleep throughout night without interruption.

I said out loud 'Want to wake up at 4am'. Fell asleep some time after 10pm. Woke up at 1am - too early and asked to be awakened at 4am. Interestingly in the dream which I can't clearly recall there was a motion of rocking, when awakened my physical body was rocking - concerned that I was acting out dreams but I know they were up to something. Maybe I should've just practiced at 1am.

Awoke again at 4am - glad internal alarm clock was working - I get this feeling that it is body consciousness absorbing information and does as requested. However, within 5 minutes I dozed off. I wasn't all that groggy when I woke up so did not expect to fall asleep.

The next step is staying awake and the ways in which I can do that is by drinking water before going to bed or during wake time get out of bed within 5 minutes. Though I'm sleeping a lot earlier I'm needing more sleep.

No AP Methods

I will not be using any techniques or methods for projecting other than just intending and relaxing. Relaxation is really the key to it which is exactly why early mornings the best time projecting - if I'm not too groggy I'm relaxed.

I will not be setting goals to go to specific areas, will let it occur on auto for a while until the goal setting seems necessary.

To be honest I don't know why I want to project, it's not exactly as exciting as it once was. I think what I really want is a complete understanding of reality and perhaps there's something more in APing that I have yet to discover.

Want to be committed to this AP practicing so I'm thinking I could set up 2 or 3 hours a day of practice. Want to try it out once early morning after 4am and some time in the afternoon.

Early morning after 4am
These times are peaceful and so that I wake up early, which isn't difficult as when I set intention dreams wake me up, I really need to sleep early in order to not end up groggy and falling asleep.

Afternoon after 4pm
These times vary - I can't predict when it will be noisy and quiet although in all likelihood it's gonna be noisy. Neighbours renovating their property and they do usually finish around 4 or 5 pm - for me practice at 4pm is best. I think attempting in noisy environment could be helpful - this will strengthen ability to relax and project in any situations.

Activity and Changes

Wanted to project this morning but somehow fell asleep for long and awakened at 9am - usually awake by 7am.

Yesterday evening heightened sexual intensity which has been increasing past few days.
I think last night there was a lot of other activity going on and my breathing is so different now - controlled deliberately by something else.When I breathe deeply it feels like I'm going over the limit.

Last night falling asleep I was startled awake because my legs were yanked down being straightened. I keep forgeting to do the handstands.

And then there's my state of mind - lately I have been feeling very cheerful though I had not noticed it until those around me have pointed out that I sound like I'm high and too happy.

Astral Projection - Signs of Progress

Woke 5am - dozed off - woke again around 6am - too alert and too much energy - by 6:45am closed eyes drift off.

Suddenly in moving vehicle looking outside - looks local. Don't remember getting on bus. No body awareness - consciousness near or housed on bus looking out.

Things get very clear and the more awake I'm there the more scene dims out. Scene blacks out and I'm back in bed.

Slip in again - flung upwards in the sky. Near a tall dense building - at the top on forehead of building there is the word 'Just' - may be incomplete. Dim again and slip back in once more.

Now I am in water somewhere near a creek. Water flowing, pulsing and waving. Wonder if I think of seeing something would it appear - try it out but nothing. Back in bed.

This is a good start.

Astral Intentions Dream Alarm

I have put the intention through and trying to sleep earlier - did so the other day but yesterday retired late.

So far past two days sleep has been interrupted and I know it has to do with latest intention to AP - sort of like an internal alarm set up.

The other day woke up from a dream where I was near several rail tracks intertwined with a baby in my arms. I'm panicking because I could hear train in the distance and do not know which way to turn. Woke up but could not relax. Need to relax more - I feel my energy level has been too high which actually is a good thing especially helping out with several projects. I did slip into sleep dreamed lightly but woke up feeling aroused.

This morning dreamt about seeing my ex's uncle who was behaving unlike himself - cheerful, singing and playing with a baby in his arms. I am startled by the transformation in him and told him how he has changed. Go downstairs and through one open door seated around a table I spot my ex and quickly walk away before he sees me. An unfamiliar woman and girl walk up to me telling me about a note they've found - on the note 'I love you' is written 17 times (number possibly significant?). They tell me to open the folded part and inside I see my name written. I get very aware at this point but wake up too much until I'm back in bed. It was 5ish am - the perfect time to project. In the dark I could see the energy waving or pulsing. Needed to stay awake for at least 30 minutes but couldn't eyes just slipped close - open eyes and it's 6:15am - incredibly sexual arousal. Could not relax after this.

In order to project I need to sleep extra early, but I have been so busy lately that somehow I end up going to bed after midnight.

Hopefully by Saturday I'm sleeping earlier - my aim is to wake up by 4am maybe doing some physical activity if I am too awake by this time and then relaxing by 5am. Need to really get started on the handstands - there is some significance to this. Need to give more time to the kriyas as well as learning to let go to the movements.