July 4, 2011

Crushing Chest

Wake at 2:30am and by 5ish am close eyes and drift away with the intention to AP.

I am aware of a presence near my legs crawling up to my chest - it feels so real and tangible but I am only able to see a slight impression of it - the feeling of it is very strong as though a real person was on top of me.

Suddenly this being increases its weight on my chest pushing down. It is painful I feel my chest is being crushed. I can't move or scream as the body is paralysed. I start to control my fingers somehow breaking the spell. The heaviness is gone but now I am struggling to get out of the paralysis. I realize I should've let go to this and not express any fear except I think it wasn't that I was afraid, the pain was just something that I did not have the endurance for.

I remember seeing two birds on my bed but can't recall when it occurred.

I go back, this time letting go to everything. Can't recall if I had an encounter with that heavy being but felt myself going in deeper. There was a crowd of evil laughter - several people, mixed gender. I knew they were trying to scare me but simply observed. Going deeper I am sucked in some internal part. Looking up there's a hole and I start to realize I'm inside my body and I think that hole is the inside part of the lump near right collar bone. There's someone else there and I get a feeling he drew me in.

I feel we are both going somewhere now and then more episodes of sleep paralysis fortunately without crushing chest. I slip into dreams of a very sexual nature. The main theme involved polygamous relationships, and one dream involved similar characters competing with each other regarding an object that appeared to be some kind of special chip or a book which they were trying to get to a publisher. Both manage to sabotage each others work.

During these episodes a lot of thoughts came to my mind illuminating certain fears - fear of body being possessed and going into a deep coma in that SP state.

I think these SPs, crushing sensations and other undesirable sensations may be due to one's mental state - before AP intention I was feeling a little depressed about random stuff. Maybe other factors are involved, need to record more of these incidents and mental state.

No comments: