November 30, 2011

Projection Experiences Changing

I wake up at 5am - empty bladder. Before I continue I should make a note of my recent mental state here - lately I have become so thoroughly depressed to a level that goes beyond any depth I've felt before. There is a thing where I yo-yo between depression and elation. I have noticed certain things that trigger it - usually it gets worse when a new health crisis emerges and I escalate into the worst thoughts possible and at times can remain calm. Other times it is the smallest most ridiculous thing that would agitate me until a few days pass by and I forget or something new arrives.

This morning didn't really care about anything except getting some sleep and last night slept through without a chronically disturbed mind - at least not as bad as two nights ago.

About 6am this morning relaxed deeply through closed eyelids bedroom wall visible. There is a face of a man on the wall and I observe it - it's still but seems to be continuously forming. I rise up to the ceiling and I think I was spinning differently than usual. This time just when I thought I was about to sink I didn't. Instead I was on the same level but things around me were changing - maybe there was some kind of charge this time that I can't recall. Everything occurring quickly that I seemed to be suddenly in another room sitting on a chair staring at the television - a Mexican film with a very Bollywood vibe was on. There was a woman to my left who seemed to know me. There are other people about and I am amazed at the vividness of the scene. I try to touch her face but things get a little hazy. I walk about this building with many rooms. Walk inside another room and get in bed why I'm not sure but I jump out as soon as I realize someone is under the covers.

There are a few voices I can hear calling me by my name.

I walk into other rooms checking for something unoccupied, I know I have projected to this place but I feel so lost.

There were more things that I can't recall - should've made notes as soon as I awake but far too groggy. Closed my eyes and had a dream in which I was venting some anger that might be significant to my current mental state.

These AP experiences are changing, changes made to transition and the quality as well as the lenght of experience.

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