December 26, 2010

The Illusion of Space - Walking The Distance of Memory

The Illusion of Space
I found myself in an unknown place for which I could find no reference. I am observing the distance between the 'I' that I percieve and the objects around me. The surrounding is unfamiliar to me - I felt myself to be slightly out of place here. I could feel I'm not solidly formed - there is liquid movement - both I and my surrounding are of liquid. I had this immediate realization that what we percieve as space - distance between 2 objects is an illusion - this space does not exist except as a trick of the smoke-screen. I found myself slowly transitioning with the surrounding into solid. Instead of flowing which is what occured whilst liquid I was learning to walk again. I had to remember what it was like to walk again which was easy enough and eventually got more solid, body feeling more heavy. Things were becoming more 'realistic' even though really none of it is real. This state is really difficult to describe, wording it is so hard. I'll try an analogy of what I use to think about as a child and a teenager.

As a child when I'd travel on trains or other moving vehicles I would gaze out into the countryside or roadsides passing by and wonder to myself is the vehicle moving or the countryside. As a teenager I would wonder if it were possible to chase the moon, I even tried it once but for a short walk of course with no luck and it would feel like the moon would cycle farther and farther away from me. Even as an adult cruising in a car I think about the possibility of the countryside or roadsides as a TV show with actual frames moving along. In this mornings event these feelings were coming back and suddenly everything about space made absolute sense. The distance between 2 objects does not exist, but I found this morning living exactly what I percieved as a child and in those long cruises. The countryside was moving and I remained still.

Walking The Distance of Memory
In this mornings event as I became more and more solid, learning to walk it felt so pretend, so unreal. I kept playing along until things were 100% solid. I did not question where I was or what I was doing there, just simply exploring this new dimension. I was now outdoors, looking across the road at a church like building with an open door. I walk through it and then another door until I end up outdoors again. I am standing in front of a very wide Temple, I think it was just one floor but still rather tall - it was a very ordinary, simple looking Temple - nothing aesthetic. I see others around but do not approach them. My attention is caught by a board on the side. I read 'Darshan' or a word like that and I thought it meant blessing in Hindi but have since looked the word up which is Sanskrit for 'sight' which makes a lot of sense in terms of todays event. I see other words and come across the word 'Patil' and think how its a typical Indian name. I look to my left and see the entrance to the temple and as I approach it everything becomes so familiar - I have been here before. As I walk I am speaking out loud saying how I remember this place, I've been here before, but when - a past life? Emotions are getting so strong that I'm not sure I could walk through the door - it is like before I could even completely remember this past life or whatever it may be emotions were taking 10 steps ahead. I could not bear it any longer, so overwhelming. I am filled with such an extraordinary sadness, some kind of grief taking over. I cry so much my tears could flood the temple. I pray, beg and plead to the invisible around me to let me go back. I don't want to remember, I can't do it. If the emotions of these memories are causing me to feel this great bittersweet sadness I don't think I could bear the memory - better to go back to my comfort zone.

Woke up with that same sadness mellowed down by a sigh of relief. Since this morning my left hand has been surging continuously - a very intense sensation sometimes it gets sharp and prickly.

There is a video I found through a Salvia forum on youtube describing more in detail about perception and gels with the experience I had today. It is amazing because a few days ago I wondered what it would be like to see perception in operation as described in this video and I think I got what I asked for. Click here to watch.

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