December 11, 2010

Request Direct Connection

Last night listened to Wave 1 - Intro to F10, fell asleep and awakened at 5am. I prayed/requested God/Source for a direct connection. I asked for an external manifestation - guess there is some resistance to a complete union. Deep down I knew there was a huge contradiction in my request and thoughts came to me that the only direct connection is one of union.

I was again, for the second time in this earthly existence, ready to let go seeing everything as an illusion just as I had done in Kundalini Illusions. I understood the pull of maya is strong but I see the complete meaningless of it and focused only on the intention to be always aware of the presence of all Creation. I wondered what would've happened in Kundalini Illusions beyond the levitation, if I had just let myself go completely. Suddenly I understood that it was some sort of trick - a test?

Listening to Pramahansa Yogananda's 'Behold the All in One' made me realize how we do in fact get so caught up in the movie - that we forget we're actors playing our part in a script.

There were tears and I imagined Gods hand was grand, powerful and even destructive but as I place my physical hands in Gods visualized hand it is soft, gentle and kind soothing me. I focused on my breathing and let go.

I was resting on my front side, on the verge of sleep where there was sweet silence. I could feel rectum sensation - pulsing and then nearer the genetilia. I have read about this, it is known as the Mula Bandha - the root lock. This has occured several times before each time I met it with resistance. It is pulsing and pumping - I cannot bear it but know again the pull of maya is so strong she is seducing me in order to distract me from my intention. This allows me to not resist the sensations and I let go giving in only to my intention. The energy pulsing there travels up along my spine to the back of my head where the brain begins to charge. This charge is localized in the back region of the brain. The energy was intensely orgasmic, so sexual, the body was on the verge of erupting like a volcano.

My focus was on God - and I understood that this game of Maya's can either divert my attention away from God or be the foundation in which I could overcome those base urges.

I was aware that the charge had come now to a certain level, where the brain was picking up radio signals. A man speaking, possibly on a radio station or tv broadcast.

I start to dream and in this dream I have lost my focus on God. I dream that I am with a partner who I know from PR. We both cannot resist each other and there is this uncontrollable desire to give in to our sexual needs. In each scene there is interruption, always someone trying to make us feel a little embarrassed and in certain scenes it was inappropriate for us to carry on with our sexual acts - but we do so shamelessly - uncaring that others who just happen to be passing by find it inappropriate.

I woke up from a few scenes feeling the sexual intoxification and then slipping back in the dream.

No comments: