January 17, 2011


I get back to bed around 6am but start relaxing fully about 40 mins later. Focusing on my breathing I am going deeper and deeper until suddenly I am touched by an idea. The idea is that there's someone outside my house - I play with the idea and find myself anxiously looking out of the top floor window - outside the living room window there are about 4 people taking a peep inside obviously planning to break in. I bang the window trying to ward them off with my presence but they can't hear me - I am so angry.

The idea slows down, and I remember it was just an idea. Then I hear whispers of voices - the idea is that they are conspiring something but I can't make out what they're saying. There is a strange feeling and the voices are gone only to be replaced by a symphony. I wonder where it is until I realize I am the symphony, I feel what is like to be a string of notes. The tune remains and there is the addition of a female voice singing at first sounding English, then Hindi at which point I'm thinking whether I am the one conjuring these songs. I try to sing along and think certain Hindi phrases, but the words that come out are different. The language has changed it sounds either Arabic or Turkish I honestly don't know. It was just beautiful.

I look to the wall on one side of the room, there's a birth of an image taking place. I stare at it with open eyes, close my eyes and the image burns through the eyelids. The base of my spine is rattling - just this tiny motion is intoxifying the body with sexual energy. I realized at this moment that all the ideas so far of this and that occuring were like caresses - a means to seduce me. I try to give into to the motion present in the spine, but with a slight movement it was gone. Got up at 7:15am.

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