February 5, 2011

Wild Inner Child

Prior to this dream I dreamt of being around old friends where I'm being that spontaneous person I completely forgot I once was - we all are playing and exploring. At some point come across some trees that look grafted - I touch it to feel the texture, feels like it is very alive - call friends over to check it out. Then more dreams until in the final episode I meet unexpressed emotions.

In the last scene there's a child a lot like nephew N almost 6 years old- he is gone wild, attacking me in every possible way he could. I'm somewhat afraid of what this child is capable of.

I grab him and hold him down until he makes no movement and I think I bound him up somehow. Turn away and I'm cooking something - looks like fish egg all the while glad that I tamed that demonic child. It acted like it was possessed by some form of evil. Just shaking off some horrible feelings I got from it - traumatising.

I go to check on him, but he's nowhere to be seen. Look at the floor - there are some fabrics and sewing material, a piece of cloth that I did not stitch (in reality y'day was doing some hand sewing). It is burgundy - I know it was made by the child - there's a paper template of this cloth and on it is writing in red ink and I thought 'Of course, the demon writes in red'. On it is written 'You see, people like me...are free'.

Then I feel I am getting telepathic visual message where I see the child with his grandmother and others - he is acting normal, like a saint. He tells me that with others he will act good and well behaved but with me he will be different. Not sure if this is a threat - certainly feels like it.

I woke up finding no relief gasping for air with a racing heartbeat - the dream was so traumatising I thought if dreams carry on like this I'll never sleep. Then decided to really start communicating with this inner child - to heal it and comfort it. No doubt more for my benefit - if I heal this child then I won't have to worry about these nightmares.

Then I had a sudden realization and it came from the message in the writing. The inner child is perfection and trying to heal and comfort it was simply for my own selfishness. I was trying to conform the child by binding it to my rules. The child is free - I told this inner child to never change itself for anyone - always be free and regardless of its attributes I will love it fully. I also asked that it continue to make itself heard, I am listening and fully allowing it to express itself as it wants to.

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