June 15, 2010

The Divine Impregnation

This morning I woke up at 5am. I've had a series of rather bizzare dreams, one dream was about babies again.

About 5:30ish am I decided to converse mentally to with the Source of LIfe/Divine creator/ God whatever label fits best. I sometimes use these labels interchangeably this morning it was 'the Divine'.

My sincerety in this conversation was similar to 'The Kundalini Illusions' experience.

After much thought about my own plans and where I feel guided to I was still unsure regarding the purpose of this lifetime. I am indecisive and though I know where I'm guided to - I mean I've had an amazing upshoot of intuition since last winter. Everything has smoothed into place, but there is still some indecisiveness.

To cut a long story short I said 'Hey God, I don't know what to do - you guide me'

The longer version is that I had a rather long conversation - combination of thoughts and feelings. About all the suffereing and needless pain in the world. I know that humankind has come to a position where it seems to be headed to its own destruction, but that is something that I deduce as I make observations with my own limited senses. I thought I want to be a part of the Divine Plan whatever that is and I could only guess it is to regain balance and harmony of this planet. I decided from that moment that I want to be a vehicle for the Divine to work through me and do what is necessary - nothing else in my life seems to have more meaning right now than the benefit of humankind, this earth.

6 am closed eyes, relaxed. Feeling and sensing breath I zoned out. Suddenly there was a paper with writing in front of me. I begin to read it and remember word 'shrolyge' or something similar on which I paused for a moment. I am reading words made up with letters that are from english alphabet but an entirely foreign language. I continue to read knowing I may figure out what it all means. Until finally there were no writing - I was left with a powerful thought which was 'I am being impregnated by the Divine'. It was both a realization and a message.

My response wasn't one of panic, I remained serenely calm. Suddenly I heard a sound coming from inside within me, a gust of wind and kind of tonal sound. I'm trying to figure out the source of this sound. The sound is within yet so distance. My focus on the sound enhances it and I realize the sound is my own breathing soon regaining more physical awareness. Then I feel my ovaries or fallopian tubes are bulging. I am scared, suddenly I feel I am pregnant and all I know is that I don't want to be. I snapped out with pressure bulging sensation in the same area I felt in that trance like state. I have this undeniable feeling that I'm pregnant if such a thing could even be explained. I panicked a little, dreaded that it could actually be factual. It's only after I have been able to collect my thoughts was I able to make sense of the situation.

That episode ended at 6:15am, I went back to sleep and had a very disturbing sexual dream which made me physically react, I'm barely recovering from it. I simply try not to think about it.

What I have gathererd is that the whole pregnancy situation is symbolic of the Divine being concieved within me and not an actual pregnancy (at least I pray so). Having the sense that I was indeed physically pregnant is really just my own misconception (pun intended). I guess it was the only way I was intellectually able to make sense of it.

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