AP Intention Failure

I did try to AP - however I'm just so occupied with so much crap. I just can't seem to relax at all. Neither mentally nor physically.

I've been listening to a lot of advice from Chrism about Kundalini and that is about the only thing calming me right now - I want to start practicing some of what he suggests. I have tried to stick to the safeties before but always found myself forgeting about it, mostly coz of so much other nonsense going on in my life.

Things are clearer and I know where the disruption is but... I feel so utterly and miserably alone in my current circumstances. I wonder nearly all the time that no matter what I do - what is the point? with the few exceptions where I try to hang on to this existence by finding a distraction.

I'm so jumbled up right now I can barely articulate how I really feel.