Sexual Energy and Earth Documentary

That play of sexual energy was present throughout yesterday - it was only when lying down in bed that it was highly sexual - out of bed I feel like I am in love, with who or what I don't know. I'm simply in love. Suddenly I would sigh and then relaxing the back of my neck near spine would tingle with ecstacy.

I napped at 2:45pm until 3:30pm and the sexual energy was particularly intense and I had to relieve myself and even that was filled with ecstacy beyond anything I've ever experienced. I felt waking up an urgent communication telling me to stay still a while longer. Last night the sexual energy was at such a heightened state it was a miracle that I didn't do anything about it.

Fell asleep and awakened at 2:30am the entire physical body throbbing. Back in bed impossible to sleep - that energy was raging yet still I didn't give in to the urges. I was told that it's going to take a while longer - whatever this 'it' was 'it' was almost there. I felt expansions in reproductive organs, upward spinal movements everything related to Kundalini, chakras and sexual madness. At 4am I was finally able to relax, closed eyelids. There was a charge in the back of my head in the brain. Eyelids became transparent and I was staring at the moving faces on the ceiling, they were quiet but moving slowly across the ceiling, bearded old men. I let the brain charge build up and then an audio recording started to play in my head and it seemed really important.

A male voice speaking - here are stuff that I recall:

3300 hours - I felt this was the length of this audio or that it was telling me something about earth time
- unknown name was spoken but I have forgotten it, while hearing it I kept insisting that I remember this
- I heard something about Earth and its direction
- got a visual of Earth and taking a tour - being revealed formation phase, I kept thinking if there was some sort of catastrophe that bought Earth to this stage
- a mention of numbers only two I recall is 17 and 18 something significant about these

I think it was so hard to recall because the audio would skip certain words and sentences. This could be because of several things: a) The audio recording is slightly damaged b) My brain cannot yet compute efficiently and so needs training or rewiring c) My vocabulary is limited and so certain words skipped.

The audio finally scrambles and I know I can scan it again but also know that if I do my brain might get fried so I smoothe out of it.

Now I understand what that sexual energy is and how we as human beings have totally misused it. This sexual energy has a purpose - it is like we are biological computers and that sexual energy is our electricity - the fuel that makes us function. I also knew that that audio recording was in a universal language, meaning a chinese speaker will hear it in chinese and english speakers will hear it in english. I think these recordings are in every human beings but I don't yet understand their significance.

The whole day I have been feeling so weak, head thrashing in pain body severely aching.

Ecstatic Massage

Two hours after Wild Inner Child dream I drift off to sleep once more.

First I dream of a woman on youtube sharing an experience she has on reality folding around her - she is describing the experience live as it occurs. I'm so happy that she is having this experience - I know exactly what she is referring to. She gets up at some point and I see she is wearing a long black dress with 2 slits on each side revealing her legs.

Suddenly aware of being in bed in PR and my arms are raised up. I don't recall lifting them, put them down immediately feeling wrapped with another being inside controlling movement. I feel cold air, looking down I see the body is half naked.

I feel legs raising up - really feel that I'm about to levitate and I try to encourage this movement. It feels like I'm applying too much effort so I simply let go not applying my own agenda. I look to the right. There's a ghost form covered under bed sheets looking down at me. No panic just awareness. I look away and back again - it's still there. Arms are moving - legs bent now. My hands move down pressing on leg muscles - I'm being massaged, not with hands but ecstacy. I feel warm and complete - I don't want this to ever end but I'm groaning so much that eventually I'm going to get louder and my sister who decided to stay over last night in room adjacent to mine will hear me and so I asked this play of energy to slow down, there's a time for this - now was not it.

Had to shake it off - but found that I was flung out of bed sinking similar to in APs. I saw the ghostly form once more and reached out to it, need to get back to the body - if I leave it I know the process will continue. Back in bed silent and still with the aftertaste of ecstacy.

Wild Inner Child

Prior to this dream I dreamt of being around old friends where I'm being that spontaneous person I completely forgot I once was - we all are playing and exploring. At some point come across some trees that look grafted - I touch it to feel the texture, feels like it is very alive - call friends over to check it out. Then more dreams until in the final episode I meet unexpressed emotions.

In the last scene there's a child a lot like nephew N almost 6 years old- he is gone wild, attacking me in every possible way he could. I'm somewhat afraid of what this child is capable of.

I grab him and hold him down until he makes no movement and I think I bound him up somehow. Turn away and I'm cooking something - looks like fish egg all the while glad that I tamed that demonic child. It acted like it was possessed by some form of evil. Just shaking off some horrible feelings I got from it - traumatising.

I go to check on him, but he's nowhere to be seen. Look at the floor - there are some fabrics and sewing material, a piece of cloth that I did not stitch (in reality y'day was doing some hand sewing). It is burgundy - I know it was made by the child - there's a paper template of this cloth and on it is writing in red ink and I thought 'Of course, the demon writes in red'. On it is written 'You see, people like me...are free'.

Then I feel I am getting telepathic visual message where I see the child with his grandmother and others - he is acting normal, like a saint. He tells me that with others he will act good and well behaved but with me he will be different. Not sure if this is a threat - certainly feels like it.

I woke up finding no relief gasping for air with a racing heartbeat - the dream was so traumatising I thought if dreams carry on like this I'll never sleep. Then decided to really start communicating with this inner child - to heal it and comfort it. No doubt more for my benefit - if I heal this child then I won't have to worry about these nightmares.

Then I had a sudden realization and it came from the message in the writing. The inner child is perfection and trying to heal and comfort it was simply for my own selfishness. I was trying to conform the child by binding it to my rules. The child is free - I told this inner child to never change itself for anyone - always be free and regardless of its attributes I will love it fully. I also asked that it continue to make itself heard, I am listening and fully allowing it to express itself as it wants to.

Eye Contact and Raised Garden

I'm paying particular attention to dreams that break sleep which occurs between 2am - 5am. At these times dreams are very vivid.

Eye Contact
Inside a cabin - a man has been mutilated. I know he made eye contact with some kind of evil that took control over his body. Then I see a woman outside - I can tell before the man died he made eye contact with her. Whatever was in him is now in her and I make every attempt to avoid contact but she is after me now. At some stage she is chopping up her own body parts but they reassemble somehow. We get into some kind of battle. I think I fail somehow and am seated behind her knowing it is safe as long as I don't let her make eye contact. We are surrounded by an army of people. To the left I see parents (not PR parents). I gesture to them not to make eye contact with her. It seems they want to banish her.

- This dream has some connection with Kundalini process. Dismemberment is one common theme occuring amongst Kundalites and Shamans, so according to this it means that I was resistant to one of the most seemingly violent part of the process. I don't mind it at all but why does it have to come in the form of a rather horrific nightmare, unless the reaction was mostly from ego? I hope to be more allowing next time. These dreams are very different from the majority of dreams I've had in past - somehow the atmosphere has changed.

Raised Garden
I'm in the garden - see mum and brother trying to wind some rope all the way from one end of neighbours garden to another part. I'm high up - they've managed to pile up soil and raise garden so that it looks like a hill. See strawberry vines down side of the slope - I think about picking some since they look just about ripe. I walk down but skid down fast - the slope is too steep. Look at neighbours garden and notice that they too have raised their garden only it is at a perfect level so that you can walk down that hill with balance. We just need to level our hill to match theirs I think. I then consider how having steps on the side made of wood would look nice and be more comfortable. With my bare feet I'm digging some soil and notice white worms with spikes sticking out of their flesh.

- I have some general idea on what the message is in this dream. I'm not balanced - most likely to do with grounding. The hill seems symbolic of something - ground that I walk on meaning environment or is it simply referring to the body. Then there's the strawberry and the worms and I'm getting nothing else at the moment.

Angry Dreams

Dreamt that a little kid was hitting me, this child was annoying me so much I got really seriously angry. The dream weaved into another scene, not sure about the meaning and I have a really fragmented recall - it involved my eldest sister and her bro-in-law's wife, some association with jealousy there between them.

So it looks like the dreams have moved up a scale - from fear to anger. I get awakened from these dreams now mostly after 4am around which time I notice in PR shadows and light flickering in surrounding atmosphere letting me know that I'm not alone.

Last night was quite intense as I lay in bed, eyes still open a shadow from left wall started to move closer trying to cover field of vision on left side. It wasn't too startling but when I tried to get a look at it immediately it'd shrink. There were also lots of lights flashing in lines and spots.

Face of Fear

This morning I woke from this nightmare where once again my fears were challenged. In the dream I'm looking through a keyhole, inside the room is a bed or a chair on which a girl is seated. I get a clearer look at her face and parts a missing like falling of - near mouth area. I find this alarming, panic - it's so beyond zombie like horror.

I quickly run inside somewhere - shut door. There's a very unusual lock. It is a motor like device - I have to spin it so that the lock operates. I look at lock carefully while spinning - the inner lock part stretches and completely barricades door. Nothing can possibly be more secure than this lock.

Then I feel it, a presence coming. Banging on the door - somehow it opens. And instead of the deformed girl there's a dracula who looks more like a wannabe to me. He looks like he's wearing a halloween costume and not actual dracula. Despite his fake appearance I scream and try to run away as he raises his cloak and roars at me.

The Shamanic Schizophrenic

An incredibly enlivening view on schizophrenia