October 26, 2012

Cardiac Ward


I am in the hospital, one of my brother has been admitted for a cardiac procedure. I recall being in a similar ward when I had to go with my dad for his angioplasty, this time I sense brother is having same procedure. He has eaten a piece of bread forgetting that food was not allowed until after the procedure. And for the next few moments I stress about this, thinking maybe we shouldn't tell the doctors.

To my right there is another bed with a woman lying down next to a very frail fragile looking skinny man. I gather the man is her father. He has a very Indian look although Caucasian. She tells me about him, how he is vegetarian and very spiritual. I feel the urge to put my palms together and greet him with a namaste. He has a heart condition and in my awareness is filled with the ideas that fatty foods can be lethal for skinny people and that somehow applies to me. Although I have been eating healthier fats I need to seriously cut down on the dose. On very rare family occasions I spiral downwards and end up doing a lot of emotional eating ven reaching out for bad fats.
Lately my appetite has increased so much and I feel it may be due to some kind of stress. I have been feeling low and I need to try to understand why and just get to the bottom of it.

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