July 11, 2012

Sungazing Efforts and latest updates

Lately here in the UK the weather pattern has been pretty strange. It is always cloudy and in rare moments they clear up and then recolonize. A cloudy UK is not unusual but only in the summer, this summer is warm but very cloudy. The clouds are getting denser, it is dark and there's an air of misery. Constantly raining and all these factors have put me off with any effort to sun gaze.

I have been feeling pretty miserable lately, not entirely due to weather but current situations, home life and all that piling up. I find myself giving in to emotional eating and not giving a shit about anything. One time during emotional eating something bit hard into my tongue almost puncturing it, this something has done this before and I didn't bother heeding to its stop sign. Carried on emotionally eating. I feel I am just getting increasingly depressed. I don't know if it is because everything I plan just gets flushed down the toilet, so I have decided no more planning - this reminds me of a song...

Today late in the afternoon I was just fed up with the usual daily scene, being around people who agitated me and fed up with myself for not doing anything about it I climbed into bed without a single care for anything. I thought to myself that I could be in the midst of a storm or a whipping tornado and it wouldn't phase me.

Closed eyes and mind was emptying, body would snap and jerk. My head shaked and jerked about, nodding left right, up and down. As usual the movements were startling but this time they were incredibly forced almost as if whatever is making these movements has more control. I started to see and feel wormy movements what seemed to be inside my head. Then there was some paranoid type worry 'what if these things are parasites in my head?'

Despite the sudden worry thought did not care much and let whatever 'it' was be and slept it off.

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