May 10, 2012

Morning Transitions

Yesterday went back to bed around 11am after waking up from a 2-3 hour sleep period. Could not sleep at all, so much crap in my head - thinking excessively about how to plan out the next day and everything escalated into planning things for the rest of this life. Unfortunately these thought patterns were not tiring, it took forever until I just shut my eyes tight.

Eventually entered several states similar to sleep paralysis but things were a little different. I could feel physical eyes had been twisted so that I was viewing things in the room differently so much that I was no longer in my bedroom. There were multitude of beings around me converting into all kinds of pattern creating the entire scenery. I kept getting agitated with them and a few moments I was frightened of what they were capable of. I knew there was a source, something that was causing this, something that had control over my external environment. After moments of panicking trying to unlock my eyes there were moments of sexual arousal beyond my control, base of tailbone pulsing followed by a pumping pressure. Soon enough things were almost returning to normal and I managed to turn around on my back, feeling so drunk and out of it managed to just crash into a really deep sleep which was broken earlier than it should have.

Upon reflection on this experience I realize that I was startled by the whole event which may be the reason I was afraid of the others. It was very unexpected and the fact the others were too visible and very in my face didn't help much with fear levels. So perhaps I should be more mindful of this and not be so quick to panic.

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