May 30, 2012

Meditation Difficulty

Today I tried seated meditation, I have noticed my mind is more alert and chronic with thoughts than with meditating lying down. I think with lying down I tended to fall asleep and napped for quite some time and sometimes I would doze off so deeply after snapping out of the deep sleep state for say 10 or 30 mins I would feel as though I had been gone for hours.

I guess the benefit of seated meditation would be more than lying down at this stage but sometimes I shall alternate.

Todays practice was very difficult - and it would be since I haven't intentionally practiced meditation frequently. I felt my mind was consistently occupied with certain specific types of thoughts - these thoughts seem to be 'doing' thoughts, thoughts about the many tasks I must carry out. I have also noticed these thoughts are branched out from the people in my life right now. I have set up my life in such a way that others to some degree are still dependent on me and really I want to say that it is their negative energy and low vibration that is sucking me deep into the abyss of misery, but really I have myself to blame. The other day I had a conversation with my brother and the whole point of it was 'some people need to learn to say no'. Of course I agreed and even added specifically the person we were discussing needed to speak up and not be afraid. Seriously I would do good to take my own advice and I felt more deeply that this conversation was bought up exactly as if a message for me. Anyways my point is until I I do not stop allowing others to pull me left and right I am always going to be overly mentally occupied and meditation will be like sitting down waiting for that one thought that would creep into my mind and then on to carrying out whatever command it may be.

This doesn't change the fact that there was a time in my life when I was much busier and the environment around me a lot more toxic and added to that the strain I was putting on my physical body through bad eating habits, yet around that time I took up meditation that really helped me to relax efficiently, details of which have been added to this blog.

So why is it harder to meditate now, maybe I should consider a 30 day challenge which helped at one time. I may have to go through old journal and start using similar meditation techniques - in my next session rather than watch the thoughts I intend to observe my breathing.

I think journalling about meditation helped so I may accompany this with the practice

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