July 29, 2009

My latest meditations

The past few weeks the way I meditate has changed drastically. I noticed that my previous meditations were very systematic and very supressive. I have recognized that I have been continuously trying to control every new obstacle that popped up, first it was thoughts, then it was some bodily sensation and soon enough the spontaneous movements came out of nowhere and I would try to look for a solution by trying to understand what it was in the first place so that I could control it.

In the first week I refined my meditation method a great deal - though I had stopped focusing on my breathing I started chanting mantras to help quiet my mind. In every session it seemed I was trying to improve the method. I did a search on google looking for easy meditation techniques until I started reading about Jiddu Krishnamurti who offers the easiest method of meditation which is actually no method at all. His thoughts on what meditation is not has made a lot of sense in that you sort of uncover what it really is. So lately in my meditations I've just been watching thoughts pass by instead of trying to control it, I just observe on what is. To be more specific I observe my attention which seems to travel from one thing to another. The first thing my attention is focused on is usually a thought, then it would move to an external sound and so on.

What makes meditation easy isn't the application of a technique or method but the basic understanding and seeing for yourself that there is more control of the meditation (imposing your will on it) rather than allowing meditation to move freely. You have to really let go of all the ideas you hold about meditation.

Amazingly I have meditated under extremely noisy conditions and I have done so through no effort, relaxation seems to occur naturally. I now get into a much more deeper state by simply letting go, however there is the case of spontaneous movements of my arms and hands. It seems everything about meditation is spontaneous. These movements are quite startling because they happen so suddenly and they seem to be intelligently controlled. In one session my fingers on the right hand slowly curled into a fist, in another session several fingers in sync with both hands curled. The most startling incident was when I wasn't meditating instead I tried falling asleep. I rested my right hands on my solar plexus. After just a few seconds my right arm spontaneously glided to rest on my side, after the initial shock I put my hands back on my solar plexus and a few seconds later my arm again was swiftly placed by my side. It was only after the third instance that I was scared out of my wits and just gave in leaving my right arm to rest by my side.

Chakra sensations are even more noticeable especially the heart chakra which feels like a heavy weight on my chest, after one session of meditation I felt like my chest was being crushed. At the time I felt like I might be having a heart attack, of course I learnt later that the crushing sensation is a symptom of a heart attack but seems to be associated with pain which I did not feel. The sensation slowly dissipated once I stopped focusing on it. Another sensation that has become more pronounced since my spine tingling episodes is localized at the base of the spine - it feels like a rapid pulsing.


newmethod said...

Sounds good.. sounds a bit like the meditation i have evolved to.. simply sitting doing nothing, just aware of what is at the time... Sometimes i sprinkle it with some focus on breath (Anapana) or Vipassana. At other times i do some chakra meditation etc but for me nothing beats just sitting. Somehow it's effortless where other forms require effort. Our (peoples) fast paced lives are so full of effort it's nice to do something that is effortless. All forms of meditation probably have a place. Just depends what you are into at the time.

What i find myself focusing on at other times is "softness" i don't know how else to describe it other than if you are a body worker - if so it's like "good conscious touch", following the body's truth and moving in accordance with that.

If aware & present you know when you are too deep, you know when you are not deep enough, you know when you aren't present enough and adjust accordingly. This meditation form (not sure if others do this, maybe other body workers do) is also effortless. I'd like to explain it but the only way i could truly know you are understanding me is to show you through receiving &/or giving touch, Peace Dean

newmethod said...

I read the Krishnamurti link. It reminds me of when i was young. i would often retrace thoughts that weren't higher order so that i understood what was behind them so that i could stop them. That all stopped when i started using drugs in my teenage years (i wish i hadn't now as i am still unable to do what i could do around then). It worked fantastically and have always wanted to get back to that level but i still can't retrace 3-4 thoughts and understand what each was about like i could then.

"Removing all force" like Krishnamurti says is what i was eluding to in my effort to liken my meditation to conscious touch in my body work. My touch and awareness of sensation etc are better now than when i was a teenager i believe so i guess i've learnt something. Hopefully my mind continues to improve also and i can make up for the time lost in my drug taking years. Thank you so much for your post and the link,