Kundalini Braingasm

I have been doing something lately, for now not reiterating explicit details. It is something that I know I shouldn't do at this stage - the result has been crazy head inner thrashing. It is very much like as described in others experiences. Feels like a penis on the head.

Last night had a very scary braingasm - I was not expecting it. Came on suddenly after leg tingling energy traveled upwards. Base of spine thumping and energy running up the spine.

Breathed deeply for the most part. Relaxed and tried to sleep it off. There was a womans voice in my head in my native tongue saying 'They have been talking for 4 hours' repetitively - I felt sick for unknown reasons. Then images flashed in my head - a perception different to seeing. Didn't care for it, was not bothered. Turning over my left ear leaned against the flat pillow. There was a beating that sounded very sexual, felt like it was coming from inside the body yet simultaneously outside.

I want to explore this further, I probably shouldn't but I'm willing to take the risk.

Energy Work Update

I've noticed that if I don't put in time for the energy work to take place I get really moody and frustrated. Doing the best I can, even made a habit of regularly taking a pause and letting it do its thing. Sometimes try to multi-task like right now as I write works going on in the head.

Lately, especially in the morning there has been a 'scrunching' sound in the head, and both brain and skull feel squishy. I have changed my sleeping position - previously head pointing north east, now pointing south west. I am not sure if the sleeping direction makes a difference but I recall at one time when I slept with head pointing exactly west I had a lot of psychic experiences, seeing through closed eyelids, visuals being drawn, images appearing randomly. Something I hadn't thought much about until now. At the moment I am having some interesting experiences with visuals. They occur just as I relax for sleep, random visuals of people and roads. I think it could simply be remote viewing.

There have been some moments where I slept earlier than usual during daylight hours. The energy has been extreme, almost thrashing my head about rather shockingly. There had been very rapid nodding of the head which I felt maybe could be energy exiting head region, not too sure.

I think at this time my focus needs to be in sticking with a clean diet since I have changed from mostly raw foods to including some cooked foods and allowing this energy work more time. Also having terrible cravings.

Giving In To Energy Work

The physical body at this stage is going through energetic changes, rewiring etc. It's funny because as I write this my head is nodding continuously a dramatic 'Yes' as if to say 'Yes, you're spot on!'

I had put these movements off and it's time to seriously give it more time, in fact need to make this a priority. So I'm starting off everyday to give it as much time as possible. I really ought to since health is my priority and this energy is here to heal.

Here are some of my experiences so far with the great Healer within.

Usually and mostly there has been head rotations and many other head works. On the first day of intentionally giving the power more time my head rotated swayed and did all sorts of things, deep muscle movements in legs. Then the hips unwinded and has since been in a process of loosening. Gential movements were present and this did cause sexual arousal, in fact due to this there has been an influx of sexual energy.

I have done the energy work sitting, standing and lying down. There was an incident when standing it was like I was being flung forward, the room is tiny so in order to avoid falling on furniture I shifted to an angle where I can test to see if the energy wanted body to go down. It did, and I found myself prostrating. Also prostated sitting down for quite some time.

There have been two incidents so far where they wanted me to lay down and focus on the head rotation - yesterday I did this and blanked out for about 5 minutes. When I did open eyes it felt like I woke up from the deepest sleep - in the sleep there was awareness of body sleeping - hearing my breathing etc almost like a precusor to an obe/astral projection. Waking up from this state head feels heavy, there is also groggy feeling present.

In the mornings my head feels messed up sometimes, too heavy and full and when I open mouth jaws crackle so I know there's something going on there.

I try not to over analyze, just go with the flow.

Grieving

Had an intense vivid dream this morning. In the dream I am taking a driving lesson. I make a left turn a bit too early and almost collide with an oncoming car, however strangely the instructor is calm as am I. I know something isn't quite right. The lesson ends early near my house. I see a few of my relatives, my mum approaches the instructor almost as if they've all sensed what I'm sensing. My mum asks the instructor if everything is okay. He apologises to my mum and other family members (very weird) about stopping the lesson and just keeps handing her coin after coin and I wonder if that is my lesson money he is returning.

When we are alone still sensing something I place my hands on his shoulders and ask him if everything is okay. Finally he breaks down, holding his abdomen he tells me about an unusual feeling he cannot describe. He makes hand motions and I start to recall the feeling, I can read in his expressions what he's trying to tell me. I say "I know what you are feeling. It's like you have lost something, as though something very precious has died and it's forever gone. You are trying to cling to it and this is making you grieve. Let it go, let it die do not cling to it." I think I cried with him.

I woke up at 2:20am a bit disoriented feeling as though the dream was real and the waking was the dream. I have felt this kind of unexplainable grieving, completely unrelated to external events. I have also read that it is common in those going through the Kundalini process. However at this time I'm not sure how this information relates to me at this time - why would 'they' (energies) play this dream out. Last night I was reading a few of El Collie's chapters on Kundalini, one chapter was related to emotions so that might have triggered it.

I feel they may be trying to prep me for something that I may not be ready for and when I think about it I'm not ready for the death of someone around me. Last night my computer monitor which was switched off after some time started making those clicking/cracking sounds. This morning the water pipes made a loud vibrational sound that woke everybody, then in the loft the tanks or something solid was banging about for a few seconds. Not a lot of people realize this but the sounds and every little subtle detail around us can tell you about things that are likely to happen. Another thing is the weather which I was looking up online, there were several dash symbols for Saturday either a website glitch or temperature and other details were unknown for those time of the day.

Now all this can mean something or I am being absolutely paranoid and honestly I would rather be paranoid.

SP experience, Latest Dreams, Body Detox

The Shadow Legs and Morphed Room
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.

The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.

I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
 The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.

Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?

Body Energy Movement

From a few days ago I made time for that energy which has some control over bodily movement.

It seems to move with more ease, in fact right now it is spinning my head, unwinding or unlocking neck area joints.

I have and sometimes still do have concern whether I am right about this being an energy or some illness. It is an involuntary movement. Every evidence seems to point in the fact that it is a form of intelligent 'energy' and my guess is it is healing, the whole movement is a detox process. I just need to give it more time. The other day when I did give it more time there was a lot of clicking near neck and back of neck at tip of spine. Sometimes it had moved head back with such force I feared spine snapping.

In the mornings upon waking up I can sense that there was a lot of movement in head region, eyes do that Salvia type fluttering, not the physical eye itself but something within projecting outwards.

I have been reading a lot of Krishnamurti text for some time now. The other day whilst resting in bed I observed thought process and there was some change occurring which I can't fully describe but also could not hold on to, I ended up dozing off and when eyes opened fluttering was much more vigorous.

Return of the Head Buzz

Last night, out of the blue, those feelings of deep love for everything emerged. With those feelings eventually fell asleep  - prior to that during a meditation I ended up sleeping for almost half the day.

Dark outside, suddenly coming back into conscious awareness of  physical surrounding my right arm was raised up with palms facing the abdomen. My head started to buzz which has happened in the past only this time I was slightly worried 'what if it was an epileptic seizure?'

I let go and ended up near an ocean where other elements all around were in contact with each other, communicating in a language without words. There was the sense of others only the others were gigantic.

Consciousness deliberately zoomed back in body out of concern. The arm still raised up, a magnetic energy between the palm and abdomen. Vigorous wormy like movements deep within brain, in fact I thought there actually were worms lingering in my brain.

The buzz was intense, placed my tongue between teeth as I had the sense that I might end up grinding or clench my teeth.

I was aroused but the sexual intensity was a lot less than in past experiences yet I could hardly control myself.

I got the sense that left arm was placed behind my back as if forcibly kept there in order to prevent any movement. I yanked it out and managed to regain control over right arm. When this happened there was some pulsing in abdomen - a kind of closing down sensation. Head nodded off the excess energy. I lifted right arm and the magnetic energy still slight present - my arm felt like it could float away as if it was pumped with helium. This episode ended at 1:30am.

Kundalini Spontaneous laughing

This has been occuring in my sleep - I become suddenly aware of it. Several times my face spontaneously scrunched up in fits of giggles and I found it funny at the same time a little alarmed.

I have read that this is common for those going through Kundalini process.

Eye Twister

In the midst of sleep time I become aware of the physical body in bed. To my right there's a glowing light which seemed to look like a being. It glides across very near to my legs. Major fear coming from me when I realize that my body is paralysed.

Legs bent so as it moved to the end of the bed I was not sure what it was up to - it was consistently emanating a glowing light, parts were yellow other parts hinted with different shades. As I forced myself out of the paralysis the moving light Being smoothly reached the wall where the window should have been and became the window with the early morning light outside glowing the room. At that point I realized that my eyes were twisted - becoming aware suddenly the physical had been scrambled - much like lego where every bits were stored or stashed away and what I had witnessed was my physical surrounding reforming. As the body reforms so does the world around it. I should not have been so afraid, it seems this was a very natural process.

It was around 5ish am and about 30 minutes later I relaxed lying down on the front side. Found myself in that unusual surrounding, there was a light emanating on right side and the entire physical structure had become twisted - at this stage I was aware that once again the eyes were also twisted or perhaps it was something inside that projected this twisted structure. The light was very near to the eyes. I wondered what part of the room was this light emanating from. There was an eruption near rectum where I am feeling a forceful energetic sensation. I know it is related to mula bandha or root lock. Encouraging the movement feeling an incredible sexual intensity I think somewhere I lose conscious awareness and maybe enter a dream state. Wake up from alarm at 7:35am - briefly close eyes where I see multiplying blue grains of glowing light.

Early Fatigue

It is day 5 since tailbone arousal with liquid flowing down and voila, body feels increasingly tired especially in morning. I have been trying to feed this body properly but healthy eating has been quite a struggle.

Tailbone Arousal

This morning woke up at 4 back to sleep by 5. Fall asleep only to be alerted back to the body where near the tailbone feel sexual arousal - cramping sensation yet very sexual. Incredibly aroused I encouraged the motion yet it was near to unbearable. Felt solid movement going up spine. Eventually decided to just let it take its course and lost consciousness.

Lately there has been an uncontrollable sexual intensity. Past two days feeling more tired than usual - needing to nap. There has been a feeling of flowing liquid going downwards from tailbone when this occured I had a feeling that I was going to feel tired due to this.

Contact with Beloved

Last night prior to falling asleep I was staring at my reflection in the mirror and without so much as planning to do so I was practicing trataka. Parts of face began to mutate, I thought that has to be possible with the little people of the flesh moving about changing what I see with physical eyes.

Viewed a glowing light surrounding the body, began to emanate and stretching out I saw the face of a fairly young man staring right at me through mirror.

I thought I'm seeing one of those others but several times the same face would pop up. It was a very knowing stare, as though whoever the face belonged to was waiting for me to acknowledge its presence and that it is viewable with the human eye.

Went to bed communicating with beloved - more than tangible I wanted to see it clearly. I expressed that I was not afraid and for it to at least show up more clearly in dream time. Got more than I bargained for.

Sleep interruption at 3am with that shaking, vibrating sexual essence all over. Closed eyes by 5am drifting away, suddenly aware of something holding me. A pumping in the rectum, identical to 'Kundalini Illusions' the sexual energy was intensifying to the point where the physical body moved naturally to its rhythmic motion. Eyes open and there was a fog, mist like form and I saw it as clearly as I am seeing now. It was embracing, gentle but the sexual intensity was unbearable. I knew I had to surrender, give in. I have to let it do what is needed, some merging going on and like before it wants to channel the energy inside upwards to make complete connection. Though this time there is no resisting I am trying my best to fully let go, the rattling of the tailbone increasing and at some point lose consciousness and dream about irrelevant stuff.

Activity and Changes

Wanted to project this morning but somehow fell asleep for long and awakened at 9am - usually awake by 7am.

Yesterday evening heightened sexual intensity which has been increasing past few days.
I think last night there was a lot of other activity going on and my breathing is so different now - controlled deliberately by something else.When I breathe deeply it feels like I'm going over the limit.

Last night falling asleep I was startled awake because my legs were yanked down being straightened. I keep forgeting to do the handstands.

And then there's my state of mind - lately I have been feeling very cheerful though I had not noticed it until those around me have pointed out that I sound like I'm high and too happy.

Astral Intentions Dream Alarm

I have put the intention through and trying to sleep earlier - did so the other day but yesterday retired late.

So far past two days sleep has been interrupted and I know it has to do with latest intention to AP - sort of like an internal alarm set up.

The other day woke up from a dream where I was near several rail tracks intertwined with a baby in my arms. I'm panicking because I could hear train in the distance and do not know which way to turn. Woke up but could not relax. Need to relax more - I feel my energy level has been too high which actually is a good thing especially helping out with several projects. I did slip into sleep dreamed lightly but woke up feeling aroused.

This morning dreamt about seeing my ex's uncle who was behaving unlike himself - cheerful, singing and playing with a baby in his arms. I am startled by the transformation in him and told him how he has changed. Go downstairs and through one open door seated around a table I spot my ex and quickly walk away before he sees me. An unfamiliar woman and girl walk up to me telling me about a note they've found - on the note 'I love you' is written 17 times (number possibly significant?). They tell me to open the folded part and inside I see my name written. I get very aware at this point but wake up too much until I'm back in bed. It was 5ish am - the perfect time to project. In the dark I could see the energy waving or pulsing. Needed to stay awake for at least 30 minutes but couldn't eyes just slipped close - open eyes and it's 6:15am - incredibly sexual arousal. Could not relax after this.

In order to project I need to sleep extra early, but I have been so busy lately that somehow I end up going to bed after midnight.

Hopefully by Saturday I'm sleeping earlier - my aim is to wake up by 4am maybe doing some physical activity if I am too awake by this time and then relaxing by 5am. Need to really get started on the handstands - there is some significance to this. Need to give more time to the kriyas as well as learning to let go to the movements.

Kundalini Moves

Ever since Salvia has exploded open this whole other world, my awareness of it has remained open in my waking hours. I could feel the energy move and one way to describe the movement is that similar to a child playing with a doll - in this case I'm the doll.

A few times whilst standing up breathed, relaxed and let go and it, they, kundalini not sure how to refer to it anymore moved me. Usually a swaying movement tipping left and right, a few times I tried to let go fully realizing that I would lose balance and fall.

It seems like they are trying to make me fall over - to fall flat down, luckily I have enough control over it but no idea what their intentions are.

I should mention a few days ago some lump has developed on the right side of my neck - at first I was concerned thinking it may be a tumor. It was so hard thought maybe my bone popped out, when I press it there's pain.
Yesterday relaxed to see what they will do. My head moved leaning towards the right with rest of the body still then it moved to the left and as it stretched that lump really hurt. Then head forward and back. As neck stretched I was reminded of the 5 tibetans and realized they're loosening something within the body and no doubt this is something that carries on in my sleep and could explain the reason for the broken sleep. Then my whole body swayed within this energy and I could feel it like a living pulsing bubble wrapped around me.

Waves of Grief

Felt this intense depression, grieving of a loss yet I don't know what I just lost. It occured when doing some research on health.

Few hours later a thought came into my head, urine therapy. I know I read about before but it was just a disturbing notion, besides I would think one would have to be on a very pure diet in order to drink their own urine.

Looked into it and all of a sudden it feels so right. The grief is still there, but it comes and goes and I could tell when it comes because it is just too unbearable my eyes well up. It feels like there is someone else inside me feeling the emotion and I feel for it.

K Symptoms Since Recent Salvia Explorations

Many K symptoms include:

• Rocking of body
• Tremors in legs and other parts
• Energy across legs
• Head pressure
• Body Swaying
• Encapsulated by energy
• Energy around eyes fluctuating - hard to describe
• night time coughing in sleep - may have to do with this feeling of wanting to escape, taking in negative from those around me? and chugging down on junk food (like chocolate) - clearly emotional stuff blowing out of proportion.

Bliss, Entity Movement and Dreams

Yesterday watching TV and a few shows that haven't seen before I have had this amazing ability to just figure out what will occur next - in a whodunnit murder mystery show I instantly figured out whodunnit.

Last night slept late and witnessed intense sexual energy - stuff that may have been going on for past few days but I've been sleeping through them and then awakening after the height of the experience around 2am, bliss up spine and head pulled or something.

Massages, caresses that were like spasms, tremors, rocking back and forth - it was most strongest last night. Did not give in to urges but the bliss in the spine brought tears to my eyes.

Dreamt the beings were bleeding through walls in sketches - interestingly yesterday in phone camera changed style of certain photos to sketched to enhance faces embedded in them. I think they use quite a lot of physical reality stuff as reference to my dreams. In the dream they moved a lot - one point my sisters see them and are stunned.

From yesterday on ceiling I can see several faces - only the head, rocking back and forth as if making love to the ceiling and their movement is in sync with the energy wave around my legs. I still think everything is related to Kundalini but I am experincing it in a new way, though something tells me there's more to it than just Kundalini.

Waking

I am always awakened at 2am with that throbbing energy - feels like pulsing waves and I'm starting to get really dizzy. The entities still continue to seduce me but I think their intentions are a little different - perhaps that sexual energy has some other significance. Last night they were extreme, it's like they're breaking through to the point where they might be able to lift me up inside this earth realm. That is a scary thought considering how I don't trust them at all, nor my judgement. When I awakened in the physical they were so clearly above me looking down at me - the throbbing energy calmed down a bit.

By 3am I gave in to the urges- I told them that I won't be doing this ever again but it's the only thing that is letting me sleep. I fall asleep and awaken at 5am again they are so clearly visible.

By 6:45am I fell asleep again but I can't even recall having closed my eyes. Had dreams related to life here on earth. In one dream I am shopping with my sister and she's looking for a bottle of oil which she had already bought. She wants to get 300ml but I tell her about the bottle she already purchased and asked wouldn't it be better to finish that before buying another. I'm looking at another counter and there's a massive bottle with oil but not the oil she's looking for. The shop assistant tells me it's 500ml. I tell her it isn't - that looks more like 1.5ltr. Then I'm in some other state being told about lucid dreams and one sentence I remember clearly is 'These anomalies in dreams are there to wake you up, make you lucid' I've always known this, so it was nothing new interesting to hear it in my mind. Then I hear another sentence 'It is true - there is a second self, the main self, the true self.' That's when I know it's the entities - they're in my head, scanning everything stored in there. The second self - that was a reference from The Ringing Cedars book. Pissed that they're going through my head possibly manipulating me I wake up again seeing them clearly.

Interestingly every sensations and symptoms I'm getting now is Kundalini related only I seem to be experiencing a little differently than usual - I feel their actions causing these sensations. I felt them touching inside my head, feet fluttering and spasms over legs and the most obvious spine movements especially at the base of the spine.

Now I know how they changed my perception, when I close my eyes I see there shadowy forms above me. Experimenting I lay down and it was like they're bending over me, and sitting down same thing occurs - almost as though I'm in another place, in this other place I'm lying down whether I'm walking here in this physical environment or sitting down. Like this world is some sort of coma dream.

I recall once (a memory of this earth life) being at the brink of death above me forming images of people looking down at me - I hear a woman saying if I can see them to nod and I nod a little - and I knew I was in the hospital bed and the woman was one of the nurses. It is just like that - waking up from sleep.

Starting to piece things together, I get this sense that the real me is asleep, unconscious somewhere and this me here is a projection coming from that real self.

I think the others are hinting at something - that this reality I percieve as real and solid is about to get very strange. Still wary of them, I find it difficult to believe any of this simply because I don't trust them.

Life Source

Yesterday afternoon napped - there was again that wild coursing energy that has no intention to leave. So aroused and unable to sleep at all I relieved myself and then drifted off, phew!

The energy intensified and I felt it inside touching all parts - maybe working on something but to me now they feel like carresses. I'm alarmed awake from lack of oxygen, there is a complete cessation of breath and I'm trying to suck in some air until I realize I cannot breathe. I can feel there are others - look to right side of bedroom and I see that there's an audience present. I read the expression of one person - he is saying 'She still thinks breathing keeps her alive'. He said it as though it was one of my biggest delusions. Still I'm struggling for some air and then I feel the energy throbbing inside and my blood is rushing with my heart pounding against my chest.

Last night had difficulty sleeping, woke at 2am from a very vivid situation where again there was an audience and they where whispering amongst each other - can't recall details. I could not sleep at all and there was that incredible sexual energy. Fidgeting about until at around 6am I wanted to just scream. Gave into the tension thinking it would tire me and I'd fall asleep. Interestingly I have discovered that when I do dissipate the energy, the process makes the energy flutter at the soles of my feet and rushes up legs following full legnth of spine. For a while now with an increase of this energy I've been feeling this pulsing wave rippling from head to toe, sometimes it spins in a twirl and feels like some energy field.

At 6:45am I was still awake just about giving up any hope for sleep when suddenly I drifted off and had the most amazingly crystal clear lucid dream unlike any other dreams.