Latest Lucid Dreams

This morning I had several very fascinating lucid dreams. In one I recall I was in my house, I knew I was dreaming, felt things around me which was hazy at first. As I was near the garden door realized I should go outside but things were going blank. As I recalled what the garden looked like the image of it formed, somehow the memory of my physical existence was blending in that dream state but there were some major differences. Did not focus on these too much.

 I got up on the brick fenced up wall - looked very different yet I had a dejavu like experience - felt like I had been there in some reality - not physical reality that I'm aware of now.

I had to balance as I walked, there was a long cord, on this cord some ball with sharp points was transporting back and forth. First it looked cool and then I was aware it could be dangerous.

There was another incident where again I was in the kitchen. Wasps and other types of flies swarming around (in physical seeing a lot of wasps). A very unusual fluffy white bee looking insect was hovering around me - it got stuck  on my clothes. Afraid that it may sting me I slowly tried to take it off.

There was more but I think what's more important than the incidents is what I learned from them. For one, the images were taking shape from memory bank and there were intervals of blank darkness then the images of that reality would form. Even to feel sensations needed memory recognition, I remember at some point could not feel anything and had to ponder what it might feel like and then the sensations were felt as what I perceived from memory.

I feel this all applies to this physical reality. Lately I've been immersed in the Sutra Texts, understanding and learning through these things that had not even crossed my mind.

The Hulk In My Dream

Early this morning recalled a dream where I was in a shopping complex and there's a man who pops up several times. I see he is getting aggravated by others on each occasion he turns into the hulk. I recall trying to get him to use his anger constructively. When I woke up felt like this was some kind of message for me, when I think about it past two days I've been getting quite irritable.

My dreams are getting very vivid lately or it could be my recall is better. Not sure if sleeping south is doing any good as I have also started the third eye meditation which may be the cause for these dreams. Some nights I have had visual experiences before falling asleep where I'm still very much awake - images forming with eyes closed eventually has got to the point where I'm seeing lots of scenes and people that I sense have actual physical existence. This sort of stuff also occurred when I practiced the third eye meditation about two years ago.

The Big Pretty Bird

A very vivid dream early this morning. I am in a big unfamiliar room. The window is large, maybe a patio window. It is slightly dark out but almost at the point of sunrise. Looking out there is a big bird, as we make eye contact it raises its wings. They look very pretty with colorful geometric patterns. It flies towards me and fear takes a grip, yet I stand and just observe. It reaches the corners of the curtains on the sides from the outside making it drop from inside, how unusual. I quickly realize its next step is to break through the window. I get out of the room only to return for a quick peep, the bird is nowhere in sight however I notice a round marking on the window. It looks like the bird pecked a hole. I stand still knowing it is nearby.

I have had a similar dream like this years ago, only it was an eagle - birds usually signify a great change in life especially when they try to break in and the amount of fear on my part simply symbolizes my fear of change. This time round I was not as afraid as I was in the eagle dream, perhaps next time I can be willing.

Grieving

Had an intense vivid dream this morning. In the dream I am taking a driving lesson. I make a left turn a bit too early and almost collide with an oncoming car, however strangely the instructor is calm as am I. I know something isn't quite right. The lesson ends early near my house. I see a few of my relatives, my mum approaches the instructor almost as if they've all sensed what I'm sensing. My mum asks the instructor if everything is okay. He apologises to my mum and other family members (very weird) about stopping the lesson and just keeps handing her coin after coin and I wonder if that is my lesson money he is returning.

When we are alone still sensing something I place my hands on his shoulders and ask him if everything is okay. Finally he breaks down, holding his abdomen he tells me about an unusual feeling he cannot describe. He makes hand motions and I start to recall the feeling, I can read in his expressions what he's trying to tell me. I say "I know what you are feeling. It's like you have lost something, as though something very precious has died and it's forever gone. You are trying to cling to it and this is making you grieve. Let it go, let it die do not cling to it." I think I cried with him.

I woke up at 2:20am a bit disoriented feeling as though the dream was real and the waking was the dream. I have felt this kind of unexplainable grieving, completely unrelated to external events. I have also read that it is common in those going through the Kundalini process. However at this time I'm not sure how this information relates to me at this time - why would 'they' (energies) play this dream out. Last night I was reading a few of El Collie's chapters on Kundalini, one chapter was related to emotions so that might have triggered it.

I feel they may be trying to prep me for something that I may not be ready for and when I think about it I'm not ready for the death of someone around me. Last night my computer monitor which was switched off after some time started making those clicking/cracking sounds. This morning the water pipes made a loud vibrational sound that woke everybody, then in the loft the tanks or something solid was banging about for a few seconds. Not a lot of people realize this but the sounds and every little subtle detail around us can tell you about things that are likely to happen. Another thing is the weather which I was looking up online, there were several dash symbols for Saturday either a website glitch or temperature and other details were unknown for those time of the day.

Now all this can mean something or I am being absolutely paranoid and honestly I would rather be paranoid.

Hatched Egg

Had a peculiar dream and woke up feeling very weird - can't explain.

Of the dream I recall an egg somewhere from the batch of eggs that I eat one was starting to hatch and it was scary, amazing and profound. I observe it watching it move around it looks strange, rubbery and technical.

Latest Dreams of Change

Having dreams that are signifying some change.

The Drs
I am in some hospital waiting room, people around me. Eventually get called in, a doctor is trying to explain to me my diagnosis. Apparently I have a rare condition, one symptom is brain wave sensations. The doctor is telling me because previously I rejected an MRA scan (odd because in the dream I knew it was supposed to be MRI). I have an envelope of a previous hospital report and they want to see it. A little embarrassed as I have it tucked away in my undergarments. From under the table, hoping they are not looking swiftly pull it out and hand the document over. My cousin is in this dream, which is odd as she was in another dream. In the past she has always been in this dream - I think she is some kind of symbol in dream that I need to be aware of.

Living In the Desert
In this dream Bell actress is present from Once Upon A Time. She has lost her memory and starting life fresh. She is on the land wondering where her home. Slowly she performs some rather elaborate gymnastic movements. As she dances she is thinking that the land, which looks like a desert is her home and decides to live there.

The other dreams are related to family issues and things I can't recall right now.

Die-Off Dreams

I am going through a major parasite die off period once again much like last year. With this experience I've come to understand dreams or should I say nightmares that are just plain whacky and I think are associated with body and mind healing.

As of recently dreams are first of all are being recalled since prior to this I feel there was nothing occurring during sleep time.

Anyways this morning I had an unpleasant dream, where my rage was uncontainable. Just at moment when I woke up my teeth was clenched hard but no pressure. I was concerned thinking I must've chipped my teeth real bad from all that pressure.

It also happens that last night there was a generation of parasites exiting and I think there's no need to share in which direction they left. I have also been super hungry lately constantly eating whatever I could shove in my mouth with great ease, in particular I crave lots of fat. Fortunately not fried fats but raw healthy fats, egg yolks, cheese, pistachios, coconut, ghee(usually this fat is a last resort if there's no other fat). It seems that suddenly overnight my appetite has gone bonkers. Another rather odd symptom is I just want to lay down all day long, being still doing nothing unless my appetite is calling me. All I want to do is not do anything, at least nothing physical. On some occasions I have felt like dancing but it's not how it used to be, can't describe it. Nothing to do with lack of energy, the energy is there it seems it wants to be reserved for something else.

Last night however I had a sudden what I would call 'sleeping spell'. I was falling asleep rather too quickly, head just nodding off. Not due to exhaustion as that would have come on gradually, this was sudden and taking effect instantly.

When I woke up from todays whacky dream, there was that fluttering all around me in the darkness and feeling aroused.

Haven't started the fasting phase just yet.

Wolf-Bird

Dream starts off with me near garden door. Open door sense an animal nearby. See the most beautiful looking wolf staring back. Some fear mounts as I approach it but the wolf seems more afraid of me. I try to call it forward all the while scared, it slows down a little and approaches slowly carefully standing quietly. Face to face I see clearly now that the wolf is part bird with a peculiar beak – very sharp and dangerous looking. This creature, so beautiful yet scary at the same time. I stroke the beak with some bravery. It has formed some kind of attachment to me and this seems to bother me since I am still a little afraid. What in case it suddenly attacks me out of nowhere, animals have been known to suddenly go wild. It acts a lot more gentle and calm but I think perhaps I should just whack its beak – it will get scared and run off. Dream sequence changes, I have a feather that belongs to the wolf-bird – orangish brown tints and fluffy unlike any feather. I show it to friends and tell them about the amazing magical creature I met in the garden.

The Kid Bus Driver

In this dream I'm on a bus- kid driving, ask others do you want a kid to drive you about town. I'm pissed off and get other people to realize the dangers of a kid driving. 

Snake Flames

A snake dream must share. First in the dream I am accompanied by my niece who seems older. She is cooking a meat dish and I remind her that I don't eat meat. She then cooks a big dense pancake and I try to find the words to politely tell her I also do not eat crap. Suddenly a cousin shows up, she wants a dustpan and the scene evolves to me finding a quirky looking tall dustpan that comes with a plastic translucent shield. Her sister then shows up, in the kitchen she places a snake on the stove and starts the fire. I move away afraid of the snake knowing it will come after me.

The snake seems to be taking long to burn off, somehow appears resistant to fire. As the fear mounts that this snake is after me some part of me really wants the snake to hurry up and die. Suddenly snake falls to ground unhurt - I hide quickly. It is going up a flight of stairs where cousin who was handling the snake picks it up to put it back on. It escapes and finds me - fortunately I wake up at this stage. Only a short while later I feel next time to surrender - I know the message of the snake and especially when it is associated with fire is significant in relation to kundalini awakening.

Girl Cliff Hanging

Yesterday I asked that being, presence ( still not sure what to call it ) to come through in the dreams.

The dream was incredibly vivid, very life like. There is a girl in red with her parents near a cliff. The girl is at the edge, she says  'Daddy I'm gonna jump'.

She jumps, her parents in shock looking down stretching arms down trying or hoping they can save her. The girl is floating with the pull of the wind much like a leaf. She hangs on to the rocky parts. Her movements are swift. As I watch this I think 'What a clever little girl'. I'm astounded how carefully she holds onto the rocks, moving along swiftly without fear. She finally sits in a small cave area waiting for her parents to get to her, when they finally do I notice above this cave are other cave with pointed icicle shaped rocks hanging down. Danger was imminent. But deep behind the icicles, hiding and lurking in the dark was what I percieved as a serial killer. I woke up, brain vibrating, physically actually shaking about inside. My body was lifted or it was doing something but being aware of it it was put back to a normal position.

Something was definitely occuring within the body, not sure what. At first glance the dream seems to be saying 'there's something sinister lurking in the dark'. However not sure the dream has any significance, could have simply been placed there to initiate fear response.

I am however more concerned about the effect this is all taking on the physical body, I think that at the moment that these vivid fear inducing dreams take place something happens to the physical body, either it reacts or is cleansing something deeper?

I have asked questions regarding the dream and answers are confusing - head swaying, rotating or stretching back - so no straight forward yes or no.

SP experience, Latest Dreams, Body Detox

The Shadow Legs and Morphed Room
Woke up yesterday morning in a somewhat SP kind of state. Suddenly physical legs fly up and connect with shadow black legs. Concerned, I had this feeling of being 'occupied' by another. This other, being or entity was now having any experience I would be having. I was afraid that this other can now control my movement. The feeling is faintly still here as I type. It is not eerie but I just know something is there. After shadow connected with what seemed physical body awareness snapped into room only I knew legs were under duvet so there was no way it sprinted up and I felt perhaps happened was my imagination. It happened one more time and the feeling of a presence nearby was there. Room morphed back and forth.

The Bee /Wasp
This morning had an interesting dream - these interesting dreams are waking me up lately, now I wake around 4-5 am. In the dream I am walking down the stairs and a bee or a wasp lands on my bare leg. My brother is at the bottom of the stairs and I could sense he wants to smack it dead. I raise my arms warning him not to as it would sting me, however I start to sense a sinister vibe coming from him as if his intention is so that it stings me.

I woke up suddenly at 4:30am hearing a loud knock feeling a tad bit scared of the dark. If someone had indeed knocked that loud someone else would also have heard it.
 The other day in physical reality I was in the garden and a yellow jacket landed on my leg. It tickled as it started to wriggle its legs. I stood still mostly because I didn't want to scare it, amazed at the little creature and was astonished that I didn't jump or scream, normally these critters scare the life out of me. Perhaps spending time out in nature and in the garden is making me comfortable around any living creatures.

Detox of Body
I think I am having those anxiety issues again, this is the only way that I can translate these phenomenas (eg. loud knocking, lights etc) whereas before when they first occured it was all rather mystical. However now I see clearly that these phenomenas have to do with body detox, the only evidence I have are anecdotes from those who go through raw food diet and eventually have these mystical experiences. Obviously it eventually happens to others who meditate regularly. I have read of an account regarding involuntary movements, will link to it if I find it. This person had meditated regularly, eventually in one meditation the body started to move involuntarily, sometimes swaying and eventually making specific controlled movements. The person was convinced that the body was healing itself. I too am convinced that this physical body is going through the same process. Some inherent ability where the body itself is awake and functions according to the needs of the body. In my case I am still somewhat stressed out and need to relax. I know deep down I cannot do that unless outwardly I make some changes and the changes that I make are very likely to effect others. Krishnamurti gave importance to the inward transformation, and I wonder can I do that whilst living chaotically outwardly as I am now and be in peace and harmony without changing the outward?

Nightmares and Bodily Changes

Family gatherings make me physically and emotionally drained, fortunately it is not as bad as it used to be due to some changes. Generally I don't do too well in a crowded environment. I don't think it has to do with the number of people I am around but the kind of people I am around. I wonder maybe it is that I have become far too sensitive that with this new found sensitivity I am seeing too deeply into others around me and often I allow it to influence certain emotions. Due to recent stress I have given into bad eating habits. I feel this stress may never end - the same stress in a different guise will eventually apear.

For a while I have had copious amounts of pinworms appearing suddenly and according to what I read about detoxing, sudden onset of pinworm activity is often a sign of parasite die off. They also look to be getting weaker. Lately I feel something has been stuck in my throat and many times I have awoken middle of the night feeling as though I choked in my sleep. My sister has told me that last night she heard me snore which is something that stopped for a long time until recently when I actually heard myself snore. Also she heard me chewing as though I were eating make sucking sounds and warned me that maybe I'm doing that 'teeth grinding' thing I do in my sleep but I think it may be something a little different - only the body at this stage knows what its doing. A tooth pains in the back when chewing food which may be from experimenting eating mahonias - bad idea some were too sour and one actually caused a bad reaction I thought my teeth were just about to fall out. The pain is slowly wearing off. Just to be on the safe side I need to start wearing mouth guard.

The body still moves involuntarily and I have given it some more time to carry out the movements. At the moment movement is focused on head region and neck area - sometimes body wants to arch backwards and when the arching is too far back my neck and spine hurt - I never allow the movement to force or push itself to the point where I feel some damage can occur. The head swaying is pleasant and sometimes there is a rush of sensational passionate feelings. Last night before I went to sleep the pressure was on the physical body, there was a throbbing and the entire feeling was of two bodies connecting. Did not let the sexual intensity take over, observed and somehow fell asleep.


Resident Evil Boss Nightmare
Last night I had a dream where I was in a resident evil game, me and another player are killing a boss - the giant boss is walking towards us around a circular platform with slow but long scary strides and I recall pointing the gun at the boss but the damage is minimal. There is a car that at times seems to be circling around us and I get the thought 'I have to shoot the car and cause an explosion as soon as the boss is in close proximity.' Something goes wrong and the burning car is flung at me and the other player and I know it is about to be game over but there's no fear - I know there's gonna be another round. It was at this point I woke up. Still dark out, I felt the time might be 4 or 5 am but it was just after midnight.

Shocking Cat Nightmare
Lately nightmarish dreams are very vivid and I wake from them at this time. In another nightmare I recall  being in some kind of maze with walls and ceilings. Felt trapped. My brothers cat is running around this maze, it looked scary and very disturbing almost as if it were electrocuted some kind of grusomeness forming from cat targeting me. I also had someone in my arms, recollection of this is hazy but it was either my eldest sister who was here for the hols or my nephew. I was holding the person trying to soothe and comfort all the while myself suffering the shock from the beastly cat. I had this feeling of being some kind of compartment, that my body was mechanical and it needed to go through a certain mechanical operation and I was dreading it. The two people in the dream whether it was my sister or nephew may be symbolic of stress because that is their current condition in physical waking life.

Anxious To Leave

This nightmare did not start off quite as horrific as it ended. I was at a reunion - people I knew from primary school and secondary school were present. I remember trying to put names to the faces. Friends from secondary school were all celebrating my birthday, there was chocolate cake and I swiftly grabbed myself a slice. Then I got a vibe from the friend who set up the party did not want us to eat the cake - it was just for show and she needs to reuse it for her brothers birthday. Walked off trying to remember the names of other friends. This dream was incredibly vivid.

There were some other interesting dreams, where I am being each thing around me. Lately I have been reading some Krishnamurti quotes and a very interesting one where Krishnamurti describes the oneness feeling in his words. I thought about it deeply and the same ideas played out in this dream.

I somehow ended up lying down in some kind of glass framed room in the woods. I see there are some hooligan type groups walking by, and I am startled and scared. There is that terrible sense of fear with impending doom. I know I will be attacked and think if only I had a gun I could just get it out and it would be enough to scare them  away - the way I'm thinking this thought is as if I am scripting out the scene.

The fear factor changes to something incredibly intense and unbearable, a fear of something that makes death appear more welcoming. There's something invisible, very dangerous so much that I forget the hooligans outside as if they no longer exist.I hear this invisible presence communicate with a thought loop 'Please stay with me, be with me - stay with me, be with me - stay with me, be with me'. The feeling I'm getting from it I can only describe as nightmarish. Heart palpitating and I think I might faint to death. As I try to crawl out it becomes more persistent. I slip out of its grip but not yet sure, there in my dark room, heart still palpitating, feeling dizzy and scared shitless, took a short while to realize that I had awoken from the horror. The fluttering near eyes a little different, I guess I don't trust anything or anyone - time was around 2:40am.

I thought about the other many nightmares I've had - at a time when I was going through some kind of anxiety issue which was not apparent to me at the time. Something obviously triggers it, a change in the body, healing crisis, lifestyle changes, stress. This morning after the nightmare I was having stressful thoughts, chronic mean thoughts regarding a person I seem to not get along with very well for reasons unknown to me  and then the thoughts escalated to more critism about another person. In fact I was being my old self - a person bombarded with all kinds of issues, highly critical, judgemental, hateful, stressed and just really, really, very pissed!

Sun Dreaming

This morning I had vivid movie type dreams - the kind with intriguing plots.

The memory of the sun dream took some time to come through and then when I remembered it clearly made a mental reminder to write about it here. Occupied throughout the day I almost completely forgot about it until the afternoon when I remembered I needed to write about an important dream. Kept digging in my mind and the mental image of the Suns face appeared.

It was a short dream but in comparison to the other longer dreams it's the best dream I've had in ages, short, simple and to the point. In the dream I was looking at the sun and it appeared to be close enough to burn me, but there were no negative incidents. I stood still realising that I was staring at the face of the sun, an actual being, just like all the creatures of the world the sun had its own independent existence. I don't recall being in awe, it felt so normal to me that the Sun and I can stare at each other.

Vivid Dreams

The Silent Captor

For a few nights have had some interesting dreams so far I can only recall this one.

I see an actress from the TV show Bones loading a gun whilst sitting waiting on the bed. Across the room a masked man is tiptoeing towards her. He captures her and does this to two other men until they are all seated at a table. The younger man looks up startled and as he does a light seems to be shining over him - as I observe more closely I realize he is looking at me - light gets brighter and dream ends.

Darkness in the Clouds

Interesting dream I had this morning.

At first I'm talking to my new neighbours and I talk about their garden telling them I've seen it before and would like to just walk around there for a bit. I talk a bit about previous neighbours and mentioned the neighbour who passed away last year memories of him looming through.

After that the scene changes drastically - I am surrounded by strangers yet I seem to know some of them. The clouds are dark, gloomy, very angry and even dangerous looking. I can feel that something isn't right and I have to get out and follow the storm - to communicate with it. As I try to leave I am being held back, forced to stay. The others are concerned about my well being. I continuously make attempts to run away and somehow manage to escape, it is around this point that I was incredibly lucid I can recall the dream events after this part but remember opening physical eyes briefly looking out for the entities / beings in surrounding environment. Too groggy and something going on in head.

From yesterday afternoon I became unusually depressed - my mood taking a completely unexpected dip, just holding back tears until finally I took a nap. I am no stranger to this mood fluctuation but have not had it often and it is accompanied with an empty sadness that seems to have no source. Now mood is pretty much back in a neutral mode. I wonder if the dream is a reflection of this - also physically I have been giving into my emotional eating habits, old cravings taking over perhaps simply a part of the cleansing but then everything is connected.

Lots of vivid dreaming

Past several days maybe actually a week or so I have been having very vivid dreams. The dreams are very interesting and some correlate with life situations.

I had one dream where I'm cycling and zoomed into other parts of environment, it was exhilarating and exciting I have been wanting to take up cycling but too chicken at the moment.

This morning dreamt that I was a young man. I had a daughter who was either given up for adoption or was missing. I was desperately looking for her even though not actually making attempts to seek her out just an inner wish. There is a young woman about the same age as me and she reminded me of my daughter until my heart beat strangely as she walked into an elevator and I just knew that I just found her. She gives me a knowing look and I awake at this point - it seemed normal in the dream that she was the same age as the father.

The vibrations are still there and as I awake there is always this glimmering of shadows in the peripheral vision.

Venting Anger at Teacher and then Laughing

After the AP I fall asleep dreaming about hanging out with my youngest sister. We're both attending a class.

A group of us have been flying and as I land I trip over bumping into my sister making her bump into the teacher.

The teacher is incredibly agitated and has formed an idea in her mind that I am deliberately trying to harm her. I defend myself by explaining the situation but she doesn't want to listen. At some point out of anger I call her a stupid f***ing b****. We are all seated in a circle. There's an old fashioned telephone on the table, she is calling someone and in my mind I knew without a doubt that she's trying to call my parents because at that moment I got a flashing image of the phone ringing at home every time she redialled.

I had enough, stood up telling everyone that I'm leaving. Just before I leave I ask the students sitting next to her if they recall the tripping incident and each of them verified that indeed it was an accident. Again I'm so angry and now it's directed at these students who could not bother to defend me earlier on - I guess I storm out after this. Wow - my dreams have not been very pleasant lately but I feel they are definitely reflective of how I'm doing emotionally with physical situations.

Another dream - I'm chatting with another sister who is on the phone to my aunt. She's angry (at least it's not me this time). Another old telephone system, she has thrown the cord down with reciever hanging and I can hear my aunts massive voice. My sister is going on and with her exploded temper I think she's not aware that aunt is still on the phone - I gesture to her but she doesn't care.

I know I have to pick up the phone and try to calm my aunt down but that also means staying on the phone for forever. I tell her to forget what my sister said as everyone knows she's a bit rowdy and that she even speaks to me with the same tone. I'm lying down listening to my aunt rambling on, she is telling me something and constantly crying. Three adorable kids walk in - I seem to know them, then a man walks in - the father, someone who in reality proposed to me and I had rejected.

One of the kid grabs my bent knees giggling, cheerful and so happy. I hold him or her calling them 'bulbulla' and for no apparent reason burst into a fit of uncontrollable laughter - I wake up with that same laughter feeling somewhat good, at least better than the past few weeks.

Breast Cancer - Impending Death

Last night slept late with engrossed deeply with my new projects.

I dreamt that I was with my eldest sister at some gathering. Sister is telling me something about a diagnosis and I felt like she said forklift back problems and had an image in mind what that would be like.

Once again I ask her about this condition in the middle of another meeting. I ask her again thinking the condition is not so serious only this time she replies that she has breast cancer. I am in shock but at the same time thinking of ways to cure her. Initial phase seems to be to get her to completely change her diet which is something I have been trying in reality for the past year since I started my own journey in regaining vitality.

The dream itself felt so real I woke up still concerned feeling that this was no ordinary dream, a prediction perhaps of what may happen.

Recently news passed on to me of a young woman I had known in the early years who is currently going for chemotherapy. With myself several days prior to the initial Kundalini experience I had an alarming episode where something lumpy in my breast was causing a great amount of pain. After checking I had decided it was definitely a sign of cancer and almost immediately the fear of death plagued my consciousness. I was close to booking an emergency appointment and then a thought came to me 'I have cancer and I am going to die, but people die everyday, I have to eventually die some day - so why worry about the inevitable.'

From then on I accepted my fate, and the fate of all those around me. It was also around this time that the world around me felt like an illusion. After the Kundalini flinging me in all kinds of direction I have developed a 'healthy body' fetish and the two characters now so contrasting, one completely fearless of dying and the other with a deep urgency trying to preserve that which is destined to come to an end.

With the Salvia experiences I have reached a level parallel to most of what I've read in spiritual materials from the likes of Sri Ramana Maharishi and Krishnamurti. Regarding the physical body what I have learnt through Salvia is that it is consisted of individual beings in their individual space and the beings have a reality ad infinitum, and we on the earthly realm are housed in tiny fragments of realities that make up realities far greater than what we can envision with our conditioned minds.

Going into that state of mind I am aware that the mastermind behind my life is my own self - that I am the one who came up with the entire plot from simple movements to the complex details. This comes as a realization, and the thought is usually 'how did I manage to fool myself'. Other times I felt like laughing in the face of death, a set up, a joke we play on ourselves simply because importance has been associated between the Self and the physical body - the latter being the shell for the Self and yet the Self the container.

I have to wonder what is it that makes me forget that - I know it intellectually now but not really know it, at least not convincingly. Some call it the veil between two worlds, personally I feel it is the veil between the two aspects of the same world.

Returning to the mundane world within a day or two settling back in to physical reality I easily forget, the role I am playing sucks me back in and once again engrossed in all the details.