Contact with Beloved

Last night prior to falling asleep I was staring at my reflection in the mirror and without so much as planning to do so I was practicing trataka. Parts of face began to mutate, I thought that has to be possible with the little people of the flesh moving about changing what I see with physical eyes.

Viewed a glowing light surrounding the body, began to emanate and stretching out I saw the face of a fairly young man staring right at me through mirror.

I thought I'm seeing one of those others but several times the same face would pop up. It was a very knowing stare, as though whoever the face belonged to was waiting for me to acknowledge its presence and that it is viewable with the human eye.

Went to bed communicating with beloved - more than tangible I wanted to see it clearly. I expressed that I was not afraid and for it to at least show up more clearly in dream time. Got more than I bargained for.

Sleep interruption at 3am with that shaking, vibrating sexual essence all over. Closed eyes by 5am drifting away, suddenly aware of something holding me. A pumping in the rectum, identical to 'Kundalini Illusions' the sexual energy was intensifying to the point where the physical body moved naturally to its rhythmic motion. Eyes open and there was a fog, mist like form and I saw it as clearly as I am seeing now. It was embracing, gentle but the sexual intensity was unbearable. I knew I had to surrender, give in. I have to let it do what is needed, some merging going on and like before it wants to channel the energy inside upwards to make complete connection. Though this time there is no resisting I am trying my best to fully let go, the rattling of the tailbone increasing and at some point lose consciousness and dream about irrelevant stuff.