A Sad Feeling

I have been feeling an emotion that is difficult to describe - it is some kind of sadness that comes without warning and has no cause, there is a hint of grief, the feeling of having lost something very dear.

I have written about this before since it has happened several times. I feel that whatever it is I need to comfort it, to soothe it - something that lives within me.

Another Sing Along Song

This occurred three days ago - early morning going back to sleep in a relaxed state of mind I felt like I had earphones on and was listening to music. This time the song playing is 'Is Pyaar se meri taraf na dekho'. Singing along I know that I'm in bed and that I don't have mp3 player actually neither had I ever listened to this song at all - only briefly when I was a teenager. Lately I've been playing a few mellow bollywood tunes but I wouldn't say it triggered these incidents. In fact it was only after the previous song incident that inspired me to listen to my player again.

Back to this experience - suddenly I heard my sister and she sounded anxious. I quickly respond asking her what happened since it seemed urgent. Almost jumped out of bed only I was a little stuck. Raised arms and they were incredibly buoyant but were silhouette. Then I raised my legs same buoyancy and silhouette. I can't recall how I exited scene but was very groggy and needed more sleep.

Darkness in the Clouds

Interesting dream I had this morning.

At first I'm talking to my new neighbours and I talk about their garden telling them I've seen it before and would like to just walk around there for a bit. I talk a bit about previous neighbours and mentioned the neighbour who passed away last year memories of him looming through.

After that the scene changes drastically - I am surrounded by strangers yet I seem to know some of them. The clouds are dark, gloomy, very angry and even dangerous looking. I can feel that something isn't right and I have to get out and follow the storm - to communicate with it. As I try to leave I am being held back, forced to stay. The others are concerned about my well being. I continuously make attempts to run away and somehow manage to escape, it is around this point that I was incredibly lucid I can recall the dream events after this part but remember opening physical eyes briefly looking out for the entities / beings in surrounding environment. Too groggy and something going on in head.

From yesterday afternoon I became unusually depressed - my mood taking a completely unexpected dip, just holding back tears until finally I took a nap. I am no stranger to this mood fluctuation but have not had it often and it is accompanied with an empty sadness that seems to have no source. Now mood is pretty much back in a neutral mode. I wonder if the dream is a reflection of this - also physically I have been giving into my emotional eating habits, old cravings taking over perhaps simply a part of the cleansing but then everything is connected.

Kundalini Spontaneous laughing

This has been occuring in my sleep - I become suddenly aware of it. Several times my face spontaneously scrunched up in fits of giggles and I found it funny at the same time a little alarmed.

I have read that this is common for those going through Kundalini process.

A Song In the Head

I awake around 3am - sort a few stuff out. Back to bed relax.

Suddenly I am aware of a song playing ,'Jaan Meri Ja Rahi Hai Sanam' from movie 'Lucky no time for love'. The song is literally travelling in the ear canals almost as though I was a music player and my ears were the speakers. As the song played I sang along as I know this song and I was feeling happy. My thought process went like this 'Wow, there's a song in my head. Now I don't need my mp3 player - this is sooooooooooooo coooooooooooooool!' It was amazing - I felt like I had a built in stereo just needed to know how to control it.

I continued to listen to the song until things started to change. I felt another layer of the physical form moving and I had some control over it - it was a shadowy, dark silhouette like form - one that I have seen many times before. There was some astral transitional type of stuff going on but rather unclear right now.

Something else was going on, I can't recall what but I know I panicked a little and tried my best to get out.

When I opened my eyes I suddenly realized where the song had come from. Last night before this event, I fell asleep requesting a song from that other presence (a part of Self).

The "High-Light" of Life

After my previous Salvia session I was extremely hungry - my mind was rampant with everything I could possibly eat, but I ended up sleeping on it.

Woke up 4am and I ate a vege soup with some rice - I never ever eat at this time but I think I was feeling metaphorically empty and translated that as hunger.

Back in bed tried to relax several times until at some point I witnessed a red light in the screen of my closed eye lids. I thought maybe I left the salt lamp on which has a red ambient glow but it was turned off. I looked to my right and it seemed wherever my gaze fell this red light was there and I saw faces of several beings. Closed my eyes not paying much attention. Some movement briefly took place in the ear canals and I started to hear an inner voice making some kind of sound - pronouncing words in an unspoken language yet there was an echo.

I continued to relax fell into a dream that was similar to circumstances that took place yesterday. Had to clean cat poop from my garden which I was pissed off about. In the dream I see poop on one side of the garden my reaction is a little different - I solved this same problem on the other side and now I just need to implement same solution here. I go in the house, brothers cat runs out and I stamp my feet expressing some agitation cursing the cat. She pisses on the side of the tiles avoiding the plants - I feel bad and at the same time amazed that she listened to me.

I continue playing out other scenarios related to this physical existence. Then I realize that there is a voice narrating a story - I was all this time living the story as it was being told. The voice in unspoken words carried on - telling me about the many lives it had lived until it eventually got to a point where through some process it ended everything - meaning all it's worries and all of that pertaining to earthly existence. It told me that a being emerged - as this happened there was a faint glowing light getting brighter right before me. Like a blossoming flower it was unfolding and there were showers of light, I was heavily transfixed on each droplet. It was so beautiful I almost burst into tears but held it back intrigued with this story. But there was only so much I could hold back, I turned away and opened my physical eyes and then finally allowing the tears to flow out. Never have I witnessed anything so beautiful....

There were several sparks of brain orgasms as I opened eyes. The voice was faintly there and finally I recognised the narrator of this story. It was some version of my Self, the light being was a version of my Self and I am a version of this same Self.

Lots of vivid dreaming

Past several days maybe actually a week or so I have been having very vivid dreams. The dreams are very interesting and some correlate with life situations.

I had one dream where I'm cycling and zoomed into other parts of environment, it was exhilarating and exciting I have been wanting to take up cycling but too chicken at the moment.

This morning dreamt that I was a young man. I had a daughter who was either given up for adoption or was missing. I was desperately looking for her even though not actually making attempts to seek her out just an inner wish. There is a young woman about the same age as me and she reminded me of my daughter until my heart beat strangely as she walked into an elevator and I just knew that I just found her. She gives me a knowing look and I awake at this point - it seemed normal in the dream that she was the same age as the father.

The vibrations are still there and as I awake there is always this glimmering of shadows in the peripheral vision.